14yo DD dating a 16yo Boy

[Tirangapete]

Hi

I’m DD is 14 and a very good girl, she has told me today she has a boyfriend and he is 16, is this something for me to worry about ???

I have played it cool and was supportive, but after she told me and I was alone I started to worry and over think

16 is a significant legal landmark age

any advice ?

Facts

1. I’m not a troll
2. my Daugher has intellectual disability
3. she is loved and very loving
4. she probably has capacity issues around consent
5. I’m a single patient
6. her boyfriend is 17 this year

update

I went and spoke to his dad, and what a lovely man, he welcomed my update on my DD and her special needs, he will be having a discussion with his son about consent and the question marks about capacity, I have invited him and his son to our house to watch the football, they have taken me up on the offer

the lad is a nice lad, but I was worried about my Autistic daughter and infact I was concerned this lad wouldn’t find himself in hot water unwittingly

Jesus guides me in life but I’m not perfect and I’m human, I was hoping for support and some Guiding words but I really feel I got a lot of abuse

I see 14 and 16 year olds as basically the same age. Never noticed a particular gap in maturity.

See above

she cannot consent 🤯

Facts

1. I’m not a troll
2. my Daugher has intellectual disability
3. she is loved and very loving
4. she probably has capacity issues around consent
5. I’m a single patient
6. her boyfriend is 17 this year

update I went and spoke to his dad, and what a lovely man, he welcomed my update on my DD and her special needs, he will be having a discussion with his son about consent and the question marks about capacity, I have invited him and his son to our house to watch the football, they have taken me up on the offer the lad is a nice lad, but I was worried about my Autistic daughter and infact I was concerned this lad wouldn’t find himself in hot water unwittingly Jesus guides me in life but I’m not perfect and I’m human, I was hoping for support and some Guiding words but I really feel I got a lot of abuse

16 is the age of consent for sex, there is no age of consent for going out with someone.

If they are not having sex they are not doing anything wrong. Not everybody wants to start having sex as soon as they are 16. I had two relationships that did not involve sex between the ages of 17 and 19.

If they are having sex, then although they presumably both know it is illegal, in the eyes of the law only the 16 year old will get into trouble. If your DD might not fully understand that then I would say she definitely shouldn't be having sex, but I wouldn't forbid them to have any kind of relationship at all unless one or both of them is persistently breaking that rule.

Being autistic doesn't automatically mean you lack capacity (there are actual laws on this).

Earlier you said you trusted her- especially after you had a conversation with her.

“I’m actually not worried about her as she is very mature…. she knows where it [contraception] can be sought”

Now you say she lacks capacity?
Unreliable narration here

Being 14 does though.

Her psychologist has confirmed it in writing

Thank you

Her psychologist has confirmed it in writing

I do trust her and I do know she knows she can get contraceptives, she is mature physically is what I meant

Nah you lost me when you said about the police station 😂

You had a psychologist confirm in writing your daughter’s capacity to consent to sex?

you did not mean mature physically.

You said you were not worried about her as she is mature.

..............so the lad doesn’t end up in trouble

Wowsers.

It's your daughter who will end up in trouble, if she becomes pregnant. The "lad" won't get into any trouble at all.

But you'll end up caring for a teenage mother and a new baby if you continue with this prudish attitude.

You need to move out of the 19th century and get your DD some condoms and make an appointment for her to get contraception advice from her doctor.