14yo DD dating a 16yo Boy

[Tirangapete]

Hi

I’m DD is 14 and a very good girl, she has told me today she has a boyfriend and he is 16, is this something for me to worry about ???

I have played it cool and was supportive, but after she told me and I was alone I started to worry and over think

16 is a significant legal landmark age

any advice ?

You need to calm down.

I cannot believe you have contacted the local police station over this.

How do you even know that the boy is sexually active? Plenty of 16 year olds aren’t.

I’m perfectly calm , quite a rude statement

My Daugher has special needs and confirmed that capacity to consent is an issue, that’s why I got guidance from the police.

the lad is sexually active it’s a small village and his previous girlfriends parents are my friends and have told me such that girl was same age as him and they sadly walked in her room while they were at it, they should have been in school and the poor mum was just looking for laundry

If you do that, I think you can expect your child to withdraw from you and be less open.

At 14-16 my friends and I had differing rules with parents about who could have boyfriends and who wasn’t allowed. We all had boyfriends and we were all sexually active - some of us just had to lie about where we were and who we were with.

This isnt something you can control. Your daughter can control it though. based on HER own choices and what she deems to be moral behaviour (which may differ to your own opinion). So I would be enforcing her own empowerment and autonomy not to be pressured by a man, not trying to prevent her having sex as this won’t achieve the outcome you’re hoping for.

What does 'table with six legs' mean?

Drip feed or what 🤦‍♀️

Of course special needs makes a difference here re consent. What special needs are we taking about here because it you say ADHD, I’m out.

YOUR lord pal, not mine. I expect your kids already banged half of year 10 with the repressed upbringing you're trying to force on her.

Have you read my posts ? Or are you only interested in making a point ?

please read my posts and try and understand

And there it is .. modern broken Britain

I’ll pray for your soul

😂 😂 😂 😂

Drip feed ??? No idea what that means

my daughter is Autistic, her ASD causes her to have a mild LD with conceptual impairment, she works very hard at school and is doing well, her mothers passing has affected her very badly

she is a strikingly beautiful child and has done modeling for one of the UKs biggest retailers, her sister is at Uni and is also a part time model for a number of national retailers

they get that from my late wife, their father is a farmer with a face to match his fields 😂

pardon? Yes I read that you were planning to speak to his parents - big no!

I also read that you were worried about the state of Society in general and get the sense you think we are all going to hell for thinking teenagers will be be having sex.

if you are spouting that to your daughter, I have no doubt whatsoever that she’d keep secrets from you regarding anything of. A sexual nature.

I put time into reading your posts and my reply as did others. You are being rude.

You clearly haven’t read all my posts

I suggest you do, it will give you better context

sorry if that comes across as rude

A drip feed is where your post doesn’t include all the relevant information. Then the poster provides the relevant information in subsequent posts, all the while expecting all responders to have known that info all along.

Ohh ok, Im sorry

I’m a 45yo man who is not very good with these sort of things :(

learn something new everyday

I think talking to your daughter, which you already have done, and trusting her is all you can do.

I had a few boyfriends as a teenager - one was 21! - but I was a Christian myself and knew I didn't want to have sex then. So I didn't. My teenage relationships only lasted for a month tops as I wasn't really ready for a boyfriend at all.

She has her own values and will act according to them.

I'm going to ignore the religious stuff as it is irrelevant and you are being quite discriminatory towards atheists.
Your DD has come to you and openly told you she has a boyfriend. This is really good and the fact she is currently being honest with you shows she trusts you. Be gentle with that trust. You need to talk to her about sex, consent and contraception. Don't be dictorial it will backfire.
I had a boyfriend at 14 who was 16 we waited until I was 16 to have sex but it nearly happened younger. My parents had given me condoms when I was 14 saying not to use them but just in case. It's not great having sex at 14 but its a lot worse if it results in a pregnancy.
Don't think for a second that religion will delay this, the Catholic school near us has the highest number of teenage pregnancies in the city.

it is 100% illegal for them to have sex the local police station confirmed

You end to the police about your teenage daughter having a boyfriend 2 years older than her?

Again my other posts will respectfully guide you that my DD’s case is not maybe like yours

Anyone else not sure this is real?
Police station?
Consent via the courts?

Really? Mine are older teens but I’d be damn sure to know where they were at 14! Not having your location on at that age was a deal breaker. After watching adolescence I’d hope more parents take note and actually start parenting their kids.

But the law says she can’t consent so how does that work? What’s the point of a legal age of consent if it’s not applied?

@Tirangapete we are a Christian family. We go to church. DD, now 26, goes to church.

There has been a massive drip feed in your posts.

Loved, well parented young people tend to do OK. Your dd needs to be aware of unconditional love from you. You need to tell your dd about sex being wonderful in mature, consensual, loving relationships. You need to be open about contraception and to have an open enough mind so she can tell you if she has had unprotected sex and quickly so you can go with her to get the morning after pill.

I always think the best bit of having a faith is that it teaches one to forgive and to be open minded and supportive of the situations of others. You may remember Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

I'd also recommend getting your dd signed up to some out of school stuff: tennis club/lessons, musical theatre, etc., and if they are still going too strong by the summer holidays, sign her up.fkr a PGL type outward bound holiday in addition to the family holiday.

Fornication? Modesty? Sounds like honour/ purity speech. Your daughter is her own person- not the property of any man- including her father.

Okay, there's enough drip feeds in this thread to flood a field.

People have only been able to answer with the information you have given.

Not sure what kind of evangelical Christian is happy to sit and listen to gossip about a teenage boy.

But my advice still stands.
Talk to your daughter about consent, about contraception, about STDs, about how a pregnancy would impact them for the rest of her life, about recognising pressure. But still, DO NOT go and embarrass yourself, and her, but starting a conversation with the lad's father.

This has got to be a troll post?