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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teaching- any other jobs that make you cry regularly?

363 replies

Whosaidthattt · 16/03/2025 00:21

I quit teaching last year, after years in a negative, toxic environment, which I thought was my fault.
Most days, I cried on the way to work, at lunchtime in a cupboard or driving home. I now see that this was the culture rather than me. It took changing a 20 year career to see this.
Is there any other job out there that has staff regularly crying before/during/after work? It's so wrong!

OP posts:
Spooky2000 · 16/03/2025 10:07

Whosaidthattt · 16/03/2025 00:21

I quit teaching last year, after years in a negative, toxic environment, which I thought was my fault.
Most days, I cried on the way to work, at lunchtime in a cupboard or driving home. I now see that this was the culture rather than me. It took changing a 20 year career to see this.
Is there any other job out there that has staff regularly crying before/during/after work? It's so wrong!

Yeah. The prison and probation service. I'm leaving for similar reasons to yourself.

Overtired23 · 16/03/2025 10:07

CommanderMariettaHay · 16/03/2025 07:29

SEND Caseworker, the constant abuse from parents and especially so called parent advocates who tell you that you are failing child/young person. When the requests are beyond what is reasonable. The lack of support from senior management who have no clue what you do. Blame the CWO for senior management decisions. This whole being expected to manage a caseload of 450 16-25 year olds.

Observing that children with knowledgeable parents who have the financial means, have packages that are easily higher than the fees for Eton, Harrow, Cheltenham Ladies. Yet children with corporate parents or care leavers have limited support. I believe in a fair system of distribution, recognition and pluralism this is currently not happening. Those who shout the loudest have access to an elite SEND education while the rest have to get by on scraps. All children and young people deserve an equality and equity in education and opportunities to thive.

There are those who work in SEND and I wonder why, is an ego/power thing. I work in SEND as I was failed by education, social care etc… I want to make a difference, and hope the SEND reforms change some things.

Edited

I felt this! Fellow SEND Caseworker here and constantly contemplating my life choices. The Sunday scaries have officially kicked in, although it is becoming more of an everyday thing. Really sad, as you join wanting to make a difference, however, the role quickly becomes unsustainable.

Desperately trying to get out, but with it being such a niche role, nobody wants to see the many transferable skills. We cover admin, legal, finance, customer service, complex case management. We work across NHS, social care, education, legal, and many more. My brain is mush and the effort to complete these increasingly lengthy applications is soul destroying. Internal vacancies already have someone’s “friend” earmarked for the role.

Staff turnover is beyond ridiculous and I am seeing signs of traumatic responses within myself and colleagues. We are not the decision makers! We action the decisions and then act as human shields for those who did. Rude, entitled, aggressive, bullying parents and unfortunately wider colleagues in school and social care (who really should know better). The constant emails and telephone calls, insistence that an LA representative should be present at the meeting, against the expectation to process annual reviews, issue drafts and finals, endless consultations for placements that you know are full or won’t be able to meet needs. Yet everyone wonders why there is a new caseworker every 6-12 months!

Manners, common sense and initiative seem to have gone amiss somewhere in between emails and social media. The forums that encourage parents to effectively harass you daily need to be shut down. Note: If my line is constantly engaged, it is because I am busy talking to another caller! Does not matter how many times you email me, I cannot attend to phone, email and be in a meeting at the same time. I am not intentionally not responding, it is because there are 300 other emails ahead of yours which are also marked as “URGENT”. I understand that everyone is frustrated. We are too! That does not however make it fair that we should be the punch bag, and certainly will not change anything. Please redirect your anger to the decision makers who are paid a lot of money to cower behind us and ignore the solutions we offer.

Management do not have a clue and just sit in meetings/push emails around. They come up with useless “improvements” based on what they need to add to their CV for the next promotion. No leadership whatsoever, they are just there to collect their very healthy paycheque and blame everything that goes wrong on the caseworkers. The biggest joke of all, is when yet another vacancy is advertised, they expect you to encourage your friends and family to apply!

It is bittersweet as without the abuse and incompetent management, I actually enjoy my job and am good at what I do. I have gained so much knowledge and it is such a shame to think that this will go to waste, but I just cannot work with the general public anymore.

Anyone who managed to get and knows of any jobs that will appreciate the vast range of skills, please let me know of any vacancies. Asking for myself and the rest of my team who are desperately trying to find an out before the jobs takes us out.

I feel so bad for the children at the heart of the mess as they are the ones who will suffer. Unfortunately, you will be getting yet another caseworker….

Overtired23 · 16/03/2025 10:12

Mnetcurious · 16/03/2025 09:39

I totally understand your pov and it’s awful how some people take it out on doctors/hospital receptionists. HOWEVER many receptionists seem to automatically start from a place of cold, uncaring hostility. Chances are if a person is visiting or contacting a surgery, they are feeling unwell and/or worried about their health or that of a loved one. A little compassion would go a long way. I always talk to receptionists politely but don’t always receive the same courtesy back from them.

Compassion fatigue! You get to the point where you a literally dying inside and this is expressed as coldness. You don’t mean to, but you are just so tired, run down, burnt out, it becomes an involuntary reaction. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this to service users. You recognise that you doing it and feel bad afterwards which just in turn adds to you generally feeling bad and hating going into work 😥

whatthedickens5 · 16/03/2025 10:14

Prettybubblesintheair · 16/03/2025 01:16

Healthcare receptionist. Regularly shouted at for things that are out of my control, not my fault or because my hands are tied by government requirements. Do you really think I get a kick out of asking you to fill in a form, do you think it’s a hobby I do for fun? I speak to 100+ patients a day and generally repeat the same things over and over. I’m sorry your healthcare provider is running late, they aren’t even in the building yet because they can’t be arsed to get here on time but you’re right, it makes perfect sense you shout at me about it. Do you think I want you sat in the waiting room glaring at me because your appointment is late? And yes, I do understand “I do work you know, I don’t have all day”…funnily enough I also work, here in fact! I’m not here because I’ve completed Netflix and had nothing better to do. I am here, at my job, on time…would you like me to try and teleport the healthcare provider so you can have your appointment and be on your way? Because believe me, I would much, much rather you were seen on time. Yes, this provider is always late and has had several disciplinary warnings but they are still at least 45 minutes late, every day.

Next time you’re at the doctors or the dentist, please just fill in the fucking forms without arguing with reception. We know you’ve been here before, we are very well trained in which forms are required and when. And if your doctor/dentist is running late, don’t shout at the receptionist. She is there, on time, doing her job. The fact that your health care provider went to uni does not give them the right to be late, they’re not off doing something big or important. They’re grabbing a Starbucks on the way in or scrolling tik tok in the surgery.

I have seen how people treat GP receptionist and it's shocking. No person doing their job should be treated that way. I always ask them how they are, thank them for trying to find a solution (never easy) and I'm friendly and respectful. It's not their fault the system is broken and I've had many thank me for being kind and understanding.

EnidSpyton · 16/03/2025 10:14

I'm a teacher and have cried a couple of times at work over the past decade or so, but only through sheer exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed at 'crunch' points in the year. Probably coinciding with my period.

I agree with other teachers on this thread that it's not usual to see teachers regularly in tears and it's not something I can say I've experienced in my 15 years of teaching across several schools. I spend most of my day laughing, actually. Teaching is fun and creative and teenagers are hilarious. The only thing that makes me feel stressed from time to time is when I have a very short deadline to get a huge amount of marking done. I can feel upset if I get a nasty email from a parent, but once I've bitched about said parent with my colleagues and crafted a suitable response that I don't send (!), I get over it pretty quickly. I certainly wouldn't go home crying about it.

Teaching as a profession isn't inherently stressful. Stress is caused by poor management, which is a common denominator in any other stressful workplace.

Any teacher who is regularly crying over their working environment needs to find a new school.

Hwi · 16/03/2025 10:14

LunaTheCat · 16/03/2025 01:21

Solidarity with other 2 GPs - the huge overwhelm, lack of ability to refer, the grinding hours of paperwork, the 11 hr days without a break.
I love being a doctor, it also breaks me.

What does it mean - lack of ability to refer - are you not allowed to refer? Very curious because I thought you could refer at will? Or is it that the GP holds a 'pot of money' and each referral eats away from what partners earn? And senior GP partners do not allow to refer?

Sidewinderer · 16/03/2025 10:14

WhenSunnyGetsBlue · 16/03/2025 00:32

Chef de commis. It was rough. I often used to cry in the fridge pretending to look for more vegetables to prep. I had a saucepan thrown at me by a crazy french chef. It gets a lot better once you move up the ranks.

I would love to hear more crazy stories

AmusedOpalShaker · 16/03/2025 10:17

Nursing.

it destroyed my mental health and now I suffer with debilitating OCD.

Best decision I ever made was to step away, for my own sanity - what was left of it!

x

Advocodo · 16/03/2025 10:18

My 1st post as a nurse. Used to sit in the car before I started work crying.

WhenSunnyGetsBlue · 16/03/2025 10:19

Sidewinderer · 16/03/2025 10:14

I would love to hear more crazy stories

Don't get me started. The more stressful it was at the time, the more hilarious it is to look back on! 😅

Mnetcurious · 16/03/2025 10:20

Overtired23 · 16/03/2025 10:12

Compassion fatigue! You get to the point where you a literally dying inside and this is expressed as coldness. You don’t mean to, but you are just so tired, run down, burnt out, it becomes an involuntary reaction. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this to service users. You recognise that you doing it and feel bad afterwards which just in turn adds to you generally feeling bad and hating going into work 😥

But then it’s a vicious cycle. If you treat patients in a cold and uncaring way then they’re more likely to be rude in response, surely. Save the abrupt and unsympathetic manner for people who have actually been rude or unreasonable and start from a place of politeness because that’s what you want to receive back.

ParrotParty · 16/03/2025 10:22

Care work and nursing have impacted friends in a similar way. I think it's working with people. It's emotionally draining unless people have a very high social capability (not just a normal ability, there needs to be a real excessive level of empathy and ability to understand others behaviour and not take it personally, which is hard for most people)

CommanderMariettaHay · 16/03/2025 10:22

Overtired23 · 16/03/2025 10:07

I felt this! Fellow SEND Caseworker here and constantly contemplating my life choices. The Sunday scaries have officially kicked in, although it is becoming more of an everyday thing. Really sad, as you join wanting to make a difference, however, the role quickly becomes unsustainable.

Desperately trying to get out, but with it being such a niche role, nobody wants to see the many transferable skills. We cover admin, legal, finance, customer service, complex case management. We work across NHS, social care, education, legal, and many more. My brain is mush and the effort to complete these increasingly lengthy applications is soul destroying. Internal vacancies already have someone’s “friend” earmarked for the role.

Staff turnover is beyond ridiculous and I am seeing signs of traumatic responses within myself and colleagues. We are not the decision makers! We action the decisions and then act as human shields for those who did. Rude, entitled, aggressive, bullying parents and unfortunately wider colleagues in school and social care (who really should know better). The constant emails and telephone calls, insistence that an LA representative should be present at the meeting, against the expectation to process annual reviews, issue drafts and finals, endless consultations for placements that you know are full or won’t be able to meet needs. Yet everyone wonders why there is a new caseworker every 6-12 months!

Manners, common sense and initiative seem to have gone amiss somewhere in between emails and social media. The forums that encourage parents to effectively harass you daily need to be shut down. Note: If my line is constantly engaged, it is because I am busy talking to another caller! Does not matter how many times you email me, I cannot attend to phone, email and be in a meeting at the same time. I am not intentionally not responding, it is because there are 300 other emails ahead of yours which are also marked as “URGENT”. I understand that everyone is frustrated. We are too! That does not however make it fair that we should be the punch bag, and certainly will not change anything. Please redirect your anger to the decision makers who are paid a lot of money to cower behind us and ignore the solutions we offer.

Management do not have a clue and just sit in meetings/push emails around. They come up with useless “improvements” based on what they need to add to their CV for the next promotion. No leadership whatsoever, they are just there to collect their very healthy paycheque and blame everything that goes wrong on the caseworkers. The biggest joke of all, is when yet another vacancy is advertised, they expect you to encourage your friends and family to apply!

It is bittersweet as without the abuse and incompetent management, I actually enjoy my job and am good at what I do. I have gained so much knowledge and it is such a shame to think that this will go to waste, but I just cannot work with the general public anymore.

Anyone who managed to get and knows of any jobs that will appreciate the vast range of skills, please let me know of any vacancies. Asking for myself and the rest of my team who are desperately trying to find an out before the jobs takes us out.

I feel so bad for the children at the heart of the mess as they are the ones who will suffer. Unfortunately, you will be getting yet another caseworker….

Do you happen to work in the East of England by any chance? It is horrendous, and I have often wondered what would happen if CWOs took strike action.

i would not recommend this job to anyone either. I am very close to walking away completely. I have survived significant childhood trauma and abuse yet like you the Sunday feelings kick in. My GP is asking why I was not resigning before July. I have actually now resigned and seeking a new position. Yet my autism coupled with personal and professional beliefs make feel as though I cannot just give up. I would be the professional that failed me as a child. I am thinking of agency work then I can reduce my hours have recovery breaks in between.

The parents who encourage bullying behaviour need to be dealt with. Senior management do not stand up to them though. Parents saying there is not funding and bullying are the parents with private horse riding lessons, private tutors, alongside college places figures funding that is running into 3 figures at times. Resources are not distributed fairly in this respect. The misinformation that 98% of tribunals are won. This is not the accurate. A tribunal maybe considered won by the plaintiff if 1 point is agreed. The independent schools and colleges charging £60,000- £250,000 a year over 5 years. How could these resources be fairly distributed to support increased training and benefit the many not the few.

catlovingdoctor · 16/03/2025 10:22

NHS dentist.

remaininghopeful23 · 16/03/2025 10:27

Midwife - reduced to tears more than I'd care to admit🤦🏼‍♀️

JLou08 · 16/03/2025 10:28

Social work, especially the Child Protection sector. Regular abuse from families, secondary trauma, frustration with the lack of services to support, being involved with life changing decisions, hated by the media and a lot of the public, too many cases to deliver the quality of work we would want to despite working late every day.

BackToRealitySigh · 16/03/2025 10:29

Parenting - and it's not even paid.....

Smokesandeats · 16/03/2025 10:31

EnidSpyton · 16/03/2025 10:14

I'm a teacher and have cried a couple of times at work over the past decade or so, but only through sheer exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed at 'crunch' points in the year. Probably coinciding with my period.

I agree with other teachers on this thread that it's not usual to see teachers regularly in tears and it's not something I can say I've experienced in my 15 years of teaching across several schools. I spend most of my day laughing, actually. Teaching is fun and creative and teenagers are hilarious. The only thing that makes me feel stressed from time to time is when I have a very short deadline to get a huge amount of marking done. I can feel upset if I get a nasty email from a parent, but once I've bitched about said parent with my colleagues and crafted a suitable response that I don't send (!), I get over it pretty quickly. I certainly wouldn't go home crying about it.

Teaching as a profession isn't inherently stressful. Stress is caused by poor management, which is a common denominator in any other stressful workplace.

Any teacher who is regularly crying over their working environment needs to find a new school.

I agree with this. I worked in education for many years and the only times I remember crying at school were when a pupil died. Thankfully, it didn’t happen often.

Gravytanned · 16/03/2025 10:33

Hwi · 16/03/2025 09:39

I thought you guys were so overworked that your families, etc. suffered because of your lack of time, but you seem to be able to find the time to be on MN, read posts and even comment? However I did not know the profession made you cry - strange how it is near impossible to get into med these days - those silly entrants must not realise how horrible and underpaid the profession is.

What a stupid and mean post.

Lottapianos · 16/03/2025 10:34

'Compassion fatigue! You get to the point where you a literally dying inside and this is expressed as coldness. You don’t mean to, but you are just so tired, run down, burnt out, it becomes an involuntary reaction'

Hard relate to this. I worked as an NHS clinician for a long time and ended up on my knees with burnout. Compassion fatigue was a huge part of it. People outside of healthcare or similar roles have no idea the toll it takes on you. I could write an essay on the many reasons why - we all could - and how much it eats away at you

That said, I do agree with the poster who said that it's a vicious cycle. Starting off cold, rude and unhelpful is not the way forward, and trying to get off on the right foot with patients or colleagues is part of the job

Somuchgoo · 16/03/2025 10:35

Law in general is toxic IMO. Every legal job I've had had made me cry. No non-legal job has.

Corporate law - a low level paralegal job. I quit after 4 days, each of which had me in tears, with a very unpleasant boss with unrealistic demands who would shout at me when I left for the day because she got in at 6am and didn't leave until 10pm. That was my introduction to legal employers.

Employment law - training scheme, so much pressure. I missed my own leaving drinks (joint with others) because I had too much to do and was stuck in the office.

Criminal law
Paralegal & my boss would phone all my clients drunk and tell them they would be acquitted. Huge pressure for hours. Would put me in insane situations, like sending unaccompanied young women to the home of men accused of rape to take statements. One was accused of raping their previous legal rep... He wanted us to go to them, target than them come to our office to show them that we believed in them.

Criminal Bar - stupid hours, insane pressure and switching cases at last minute made me feel like I was constantly on shifting sands, only with people's futures at stake. Physical threats (one got arrested for trying to storm the building with a machete to get to me -I then escorted my male client to their car to ensure he stayed safe as 'friend' with another machete was still on the loose). Often dealing with drunk, aggressive, high, unstable and terrified individuals. In the Mags Court, going to see the victim in DV cases, who had put themselves through so much to be there, and I don't even know their name! Her trial is in an hour and I don't have papers yet.

Pouring your heart into a case and pulling all nighters to get prep done for it to be given to someone else and you get a new case land on you the night before. I went off on maternity after ending up in hospital with baby's heart rate going crazy - I was still reading my 4th set of papers that day because I'd been messed round so much.

Every social engagement for years having the caveat 'work dependent' with most being cancelled. Working on every holiday, including my honeymoon. Despite this, delayed payments and insane travel expenses would have me regularly bouncing between okish and at the bottom of my overdraft. I waited 2 years for some clients to pay me.

The 'average' income across all seniority is £45kish, but in the first few years often under £20k.

Piggywaspushed · 16/03/2025 10:36

EnidSpyton · 16/03/2025 10:14

I'm a teacher and have cried a couple of times at work over the past decade or so, but only through sheer exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed at 'crunch' points in the year. Probably coinciding with my period.

I agree with other teachers on this thread that it's not usual to see teachers regularly in tears and it's not something I can say I've experienced in my 15 years of teaching across several schools. I spend most of my day laughing, actually. Teaching is fun and creative and teenagers are hilarious. The only thing that makes me feel stressed from time to time is when I have a very short deadline to get a huge amount of marking done. I can feel upset if I get a nasty email from a parent, but once I've bitched about said parent with my colleagues and crafted a suitable response that I don't send (!), I get over it pretty quickly. I certainly wouldn't go home crying about it.

Teaching as a profession isn't inherently stressful. Stress is caused by poor management, which is a common denominator in any other stressful workplace.

Any teacher who is regularly crying over their working environment needs to find a new school.

TeacherTapp fairly regularly asks whether teachers have either cried themselves or seen a colleague crying . It's pretty common as it goes.

I am sure you didn't mean to but your post sounds rather lacking in empathy.
Teaching is inherently stressful. Of course it is. Hence the retention issues. Any job that faces the public, especially inclined to be unruly ones, is stressful. There is a book out now where a man tours the UK asking people about different jobs. He finds an ex army officer who served in Afghanistan and then went into teaching and said it was without a doubt more stressful to teach.

I have been known to cry. Of course that is mainly to do with workload , criticism, scrutiny, or external stresses impacting . But I have also cried when kids have upset me or made me angry. Or when dreadful things have happened. Touch wood, it's been eight years since a pupil of mine has died .

Piggywaspushed · 16/03/2025 10:42

I wonder if Keir Starmer is more stressed as PM than as a lawyer. It certainly sounds like a good training ground!

Also explains why the likes of Raab think bullying is normal.

Gravytanned · 16/03/2025 10:44

Lottapianos · 16/03/2025 10:34

'Compassion fatigue! You get to the point where you a literally dying inside and this is expressed as coldness. You don’t mean to, but you are just so tired, run down, burnt out, it becomes an involuntary reaction'

Hard relate to this. I worked as an NHS clinician for a long time and ended up on my knees with burnout. Compassion fatigue was a huge part of it. People outside of healthcare or similar roles have no idea the toll it takes on you. I could write an essay on the many reasons why - we all could - and how much it eats away at you

That said, I do agree with the poster who said that it's a vicious cycle. Starting off cold, rude and unhelpful is not the way forward, and trying to get off on the right foot with patients or colleagues is part of the job

I think remaining curious and connected to what you do helps you cope in a way too. Because if you’ve had enough and feel like you’re dying inside, you do know and that makes you feel shit too doesn’t it.

There has to be a balance and even with the most supportive team, manager etc people still break.

If people in these jobs aren’t having really good and meaningful management and clinical supervision, that needs to change and it should be separate IMO.

It’s amazing how many people I meet who barely have supervision at all. I know someone who works in a DA refuge and has never had a session with a clinical supervisor despite the secondary trauma they are exposed to every single day.

We value the wrong things and the wrong jobs in our society and clapping for NHS workers and shitting on them at the same time is criminal.

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant.

Lottapianos · 16/03/2025 10:54

'We value the wrong things and the wrong jobs in our society and clapping for NHS workers and shitting on them at the same time is criminal.'

Very well said ❤️

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