If you're single, how many people have a relationship you are genuinely envious of?

[TheAmusedQuail]

I've known of 2 couples over the years that I've known and thought, that is what a relationship should be.

The first was a couple who were having a baby together in their 40s. They'd both been divorced, but had found each other, and were blissfully happy. He died the year after, but... for that moment in time, I was envious of their relationship.

The second is a married couple that I worked with. They are genuinely happily married. She's a dumpy little thing and he honestly feels she is gorgeous and very clever. He's geeky but she totally respects and fancies him. I've known them for over 10 years and have never seen anything to dissuade me about how good their relationship is.

However, these are literally the only 2 couples where I've thought, that is a really good relationship. I'm sure most of the people I know who are married are happy together, but I see those relationships and would hate to be in them.

So YABU - there are plenty of enviable LTR around.
YANBU - most LTR are not worth having.

How is it any more smug than the OP's post?

Not envious of any. I was of 2 couples I knew through my 20s but both have since broken up with pretty jaw dropping reasons. Now I don't assume anyone is really in a happy couple.

YABVVU to call your friend a 'dumpy little thing'.

Good question OP.

In my family, who obviously I know better than other people, no-one. One half of each partnership, in all cases, has caused serious problems or major unhappiness to the other half at some point.

Of my friends, two are being outrageously financially abused and will leave as soon as their children fly the nest. Another rubs along ok with her husband but they seem to tolerate each other rather than actively enjoy each other's company. They've been married 25 years so perhaps that is the best one can hope for. Others are in the early stages of relationships, having already divorced.

At work, there is one colleague who seems genuinely besotted with his wife and his life with her. I don't know her view of things. Hopefully, she is as happy. Another female colleague is being financially abused and two others are single mums.

As a single person, I don't look for money or to be provided for. I want an equal partnership. Someone who does half the chores without having to be nagged, just because he can see they need doing. Someone with whom i can work as a team. And someone who cares if I am happy rather than just about himself. I have not met a man like that.

I have never been short of 'applicants' but they always have an agenda which involves taking a lot more than they contribute.

I have given up looking, and am enjoying life with my dc.

I can think of three, all second marriages where they were older when they got together, children grown, and didn't have children together. They seemed surprised and happy to have found someone and to be at a stage of life where they could relax and enjoy doing things together, without being knee-deep in child-rearing.

As a long-term single person whose child is nearly grown, I do wonder if I should be looking for someone like this. I like the idea, but I'm determined not to be dragged back into domesticity just when I'm nearly free.

The vast majority, either one of them is not especially happy in the relationship but is scared to alter the status quo and/or I really wouldn't put up with the guy. The only one that seems 100% happy on both their parts is an open relationship 😂

I'll never understand why single people go to such lengths to vocalise and justify their 'singledom.' They remind me of vegans. 😂

IMO, life is so much better when you have someone to share it with: laughing together, crying together, etc.

I do think some women need to work on their self esteem more instead of settling for partners, that they spend all the time moaning about. You only go around once, so try and have the best experience. Most people DO have the volition to change their lives - or as they say, if you can't change the situation, you can change your attitude to it.

Don't know about her, but I've heard him describe himself and it's a lot less flattering than the way I'd describe him.

No I don’t know any relationships where I think it looks like they’re hugely in love still. Only on tv but then they’re always part of a plot twist which shows it’s all a sham!

I don't know but I'd had to be referred to as a dumpy little thing...

*hate

Meh. I'm a dumpy medium-size height thing.

One of my ex boyfriends had parents where you just knew they were still very much in love and they also made a great team. Kind, considerate of each other, supportive, both pitching in, same goals and ideas- it just worked. I've always admired that.

I know other couples who are definitely happily married but they top it, they're what I aim for in my own marriage. I wanted different things in life to their son so I split up with him, but it wasn't because I didn't love him, he is fantastic and if he is coupled up, I hope he's in a similar relationship and extremely happy.

So bloody true

Why the need to be so condescending towards single people on a thread where the OP asks a question to specifically single people? Has it not occured to you that a lot of us people who are happy to be single are happy because we have been with men in the past that has treated us badly, perhaps in multiple relationships. I don't need to justify to you why I enjoy being single, why my life is fulfilling, but it's hurtful when you imply that it is in some disingenuous or that we are in denial.

And why would we not have people to laugh and cry with? I have two grown up kids that I am super close with along with a close-knit family and many close friends. Why would a man be the only person to fill that void?

I have one, but that is not evidence of the health of their rationship but of the fact that she looks at him.witnh completely rose tinted glasses despite actions which would have enraged most people. I know some who complain a bit but who have, to my mind, much healthier happier relationships because they are more equal and based on reality

I’ve really sat and thought about this, and the answer is none.

I do not know of a single relationship in my friendship group that is completely equal or where both partners show the same amount of. respect each other. I have friends who I thought had the perfect marriage only for one of them to cheat or leave.

I'm wrinkled, old and fat 😊

Exactly. For a long time, I just bumbled along, looking surface level. Then when I saw a good example it was like, 'OH!'

So now I think my friends are very rare. Lucky them.

Brilliant move!! 😍

The fact you are actually coming off as slightly annoyed that people are voicing how mean it is to think about AND describe out loud someone you call a friend as a 'dumpy little thing' is honestly hilarious to me.
You are so obviously in the wrong, and yet still can't bring yourself to swallow your pride and say 'yeah that was a bit off, shouldn't have said it like that' - hilarious.

This will sound smug so I apologise, but the only relationship I would envy is my own. Out of my close friend circle of about 12, none of them are very happy. Most are in unequal relationships , mostly being abused in some way by their husbands.
I am genuinely happy with my husband, we are a solid team and he adores me as I do him. If anything ever happened to him, I doubt I would find that again, I consider myself very lucky and my friends constantly tell me the same.

Couples who have each others backs always are the strongest couples I know .

It's funny, I was thinking about this recently. I'm a single parent and there are only two couples I know who I genuinely think, yeah that might be nice. There are so many relationships where I feel awkward at their house because of arguments, one DH came home and said hello to us all but pointedly ignored my friend whenever she tried to talk to him...or partners who can't come anywhere because they act grumpy or make a scene...I have some friends who are now separating and all of them say they're so much happier. I think a nice relationship would be ideal but seems those are few and far between.

DH and I talk about this often, especially since having DC and being friends with other new parents. From speaking to friends/colleagues about their relationships and hearing how they speak about their partners, definitely not what either of us would want for ourselves. So many people seem to not particularly like their partner which just seems miserable. I can't imagine wasting my life with someone who wasn't genuinely my best friend and the person who's company I enjoyed the most. Our relationship isn't perfect but we have constant & open communication & always want the best for each other & our family. DH in particular works with a few men who moan about time off/holidays and having to spend time with their wives and seem genuinely delighted to be back at work. I'd be heartbroken if this was DH.