If you're single, how many people have a relationship you are genuinely envious of?

[TheAmusedQuail]

I've known of 2 couples over the years that I've known and thought, that is what a relationship should be.

The first was a couple who were having a baby together in their 40s. They'd both been divorced, but had found each other, and were blissfully happy. He died the year after, but... for that moment in time, I was envious of their relationship.

The second is a married couple that I worked with. They are genuinely happily married. She's a dumpy little thing and he honestly feels she is gorgeous and very clever. He's geeky but she totally respects and fancies him. I've known them for over 10 years and have never seen anything to dissuade me about how good their relationship is.

However, these are literally the only 2 couples where I've thought, that is a really good relationship. I'm sure most of the people I know who are married are happy together, but I see those relationships and would hate to be in them.

So YABU - there are plenty of enviable LTR around.
YANBU - most LTR are not worth having.

This

It’s like having kids.

I don’t want either the good bits or the bad bits. It’s simply not for me.

There was one couple that I knew, not well but they seemed to have it sorted. He was a lovely man from the outside, they just seemed like really good friends, a proper team. Found out recently they’ve split, so none!

I can think of 5. They're mutually respectful and loving, they've each got their independence and it's an even power balance. They're each choosing to be in the relationship.

It's interesting to notice how they do this, in preparation for hopefully having a healthy relationship myself in the future!

I also notice how many relationships seem dysfunctional and where people are settling for whatever reason.

I literally said that I envied in their relationship so you're not exactly a mind reader. They have a lovely relationship.

The post was actually about relationships I was envious about, and while yours may be great, I doubt I'd want it. As I said, most marriages offer nothing I want. My friend's however, definitely. They're like a little unit of 2. They can (and have) taken on huge things, because together, they're strong.

I can think of lots and lots. But I’m married and in a happy relationship and I think couples like that tend to gravitate toward each other and socialise with kids together. As pp said family is very important so we don’t really do much as a couple with single people (who don’t tend to want to socialise the same way). With our single friends (with no kids) we tend to see them separately with one of us looking after kids and one going, so we can go somewhere/do something they want to do.
So not much opportunity for single friends to analyse our relationship!

Miss Dumpy little thing sounds like she’s got it all

No matter how hard I think I can't think of a single one that I would be envious of or wish I had. All my friends husband's are faulty to a degree that I wouldn't be OK with. Mine was too so I left, but hung in there far too long hoping he would change. I have been single now for 3 years and it's been the best three years I've had for decades.

@YourFairCyanReader I agree about settling. I've spent a very long time in LTR's where I've settled. Being alone is much more peaceful than being in the wrong relationship. But maybe I'm in the minority on this. For many people, maybe anyone is better than being alone.

It's great that you're happy being single. Good for you.

As I'm happily married, would you like to know how many single people I know whose life I envy?

She does. He does too.

You can start an AIBU if you like? I'd be interested to see the results.

I think if you listen to mn most relationships are crap or if you’re looking for one you’ll see a lot that is crap, in reality a relationship is good and bad, huge highs and huge lows with very little to do with looks and the things people seem is necessary for a relationship to work. The amount of people who say they couldn’t tolerate tiny tiny things in relationships is mind blowing, nobody can find someone who ticks every box they’ve ever laid out! What some see as settling others experience as a very good deal where two people are there for each other, share their day’s crap and have a laugh, have someone they’re comfortable with. But then you’ll have someone say ‘I couldn’t live with someone that messy’ for example.

None. I haven’t met a woman yet who doesn’t complain about their husband.

I absolutely love being single! I love being celibate too. It's so empowering as a woman. I don't envy any couples at all. Genuinely. I struggle financially as a single woman on a low income. Life's definitely more expensive alone. But psychologically, unless you're in an amazing relationship, I think singleness is better for many women. Of course, many happy women in relationships too, and that's great. Neither is better or worse. If you're happy and not harming anyone, that's a successful life. Relationship status is secondary.

But why should the goal be to find someone and accept behaviours that they don't appreciate when they don't need to? I think the whole point is to do what makes you happy and for a lot of us being single is what makes us happy and it's not because we are so rigid that we won't take a little bit of crap every now and again that we are single. It's because we are already fulfilled and if a man turns up he needs to add to our lives, not make it slightly worse, even if it is just a tiny, tiny bit worse.

Yeah, @stayathomer, I'm not using the MN scale of happy marriage! I don't even think I ever considered what was a 'good' marriage until I saw the first couple (the older ones, having a baby). And then it was a bit of a lightbulb moment. Like, 'Oh! Marriage can be like that?'

Smug much?

From my experience, couples in the same profession make good teams. There is a level of understanding and respect for each other I haven’t seen in other couples. Because the other ‘gets it’. And yes, I’ve met quite a few, and was in one of those relationships myself. There’s equality and understanding and familiarity and bonding and respect and pride.

This. Being single and celibate is definitely empowering for me after 2 failed marriages. The longer I am single the more I love it!

Ah yes, @BuddhaAtSea. My peak marriage couple ARE in the same profession (me too, it's how we met). I once heard him talking her down after she'd had a really bad work experience. He was able to help because he totally got it. There are differences in their professional experience, but ultimately, they have the same belief systems based on that.

😆😆😆

I hope the happily married couple you work with don’t consider you a friend. I would be very hurt if a friend described me to others the way you have done with this couple.

Yes. Why not. I think that would be interesting.

im a single parent and I’m happily single. I like my own space. I might compromise for the right relationship but not just for the sake of being in any relationship. some people are suited to being single.

That said, I think what op is talking about is people who are in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship. They’ve settled for someone they would get rid of in a heartbeat if someone better came along. Also some women (and some men too - the famous cocklodger) get into and stay in relationships for economic reasons.

i definitely have observed quite a few couples that have settled. My parents were very unhappily married so I am particularly sensitive to unhappy relationships and keen not to make the same mistake.

I know of two,and they are totally different but work.
The first (38 years)they are equal in all ways and always have been. They have their own friends, own holidays but are each others rock and a really strong team.they love and respect each other. This is nearer to what I would consider a relationship I could tolerate.

The other is more traditional,(42 years ) she has never worked, is very motherly and does everything for her husband and 3 boys.
He worships the ground she walks on, takes her on regular dates, treats her like a queen. His eyes literally twinkle when he looks at her, hes utterly besotted with her.

It's lovely to see a couple still so enamoured with each other after all that time, but I'm not envious. The devoted mother role is not something I would want