To think siblings should share bedrooms?

[dontgocrying]

Have friends and their children coming to stay with us over Easter, our oldest dc haven’t seen each other for years so don’t know really know each other, youngest ones have never met.

I assumed siblings would share bedrooms and they assumed that girls and boys would share.

AIBU to think siblings should go into together for a couple of days even if boy/girl than to expect children to share with basic strangers just because their the same sex?

This.

How old are their kids? Are they assuming the girls are close in age and would want to share etc?

Definitely would keep siblings together when there is a spread of ages.

As a kid/teenager I would much rather have shared with my brothers than my mums mates kids I didn’t know!

what do you kids want to do?

It really depends on how well you know them , the space you have and the age/gender split. We always put all girls in one room and all boys in another but we haven’t done it with kids we don’t know fairly well. My 14 year old DD would much rather share with an 11 year old DD than her 8 year old brother!

I have 13 year old dd who would prefer to share with 11 year old ds, they have done this before on holidays. They would change separately.
This is perfectly fine. My DD's and DS would feel the same.

We have 5 bedrooms
Mine and DHs
Dd(13)
DS(11)
DS(4)
Dd(3) (box room)

They have
DD(12)
DS(9)
DS+DD(5) (twins)

My plan was
Adults in DS(11) room
Ds(11) in with dd (13)
My little ones in with us or playroom (landing area with no door)

Their twins share in box room
Their older kids share bunk beds in DS(5) room

I had similar with a foc sa.

I would set out that the first night their dc share with each other and your older ones share with each other but be flexible that if both your older dc decide on subsequent nights they would like to share with equivalent child in other family they can do. It is then up to the other family how they split up their children. They could either divide their children by age or sex.

See i would have assumed 13 & 12 year old girls in together, and 11 & 9 year old boys together.....

Last time we had friends kids over DD (5) hadn't seen their DD (4) since she was a baby but they were thick as thieves in about 1 hour!

When my kids cousins come thats how it works. 12 yo D nephew happily shares with my 8 yo DS, 9yo niece shares with my 5 yo DD. They actively specified this was what they wanted.

So you have a 5 bedroom house and are able to offer them 3 of those rooms for themselves and 4 children of which they are 2G and 2 B? Why is there any issue, they can divide their own kids up by age or boy/girl as they choose, Why would any of them need to share with yours at all?

I would probably default to the same as you, but they are with friends and their kids are a bit younger, so no biggie that they assumed different. The main thing is you are talking about it.

I imagine some families will be stricter about having different sexes sharing even if siblings. I would not challenge that because the reasons behind it might be awful. But ofc that doesn't mean putting your child in a position they are uncomfortable with.

I wonder how it works on French exchanges etc these days. Does the visiting child need to have their own room or are some of them expected to share with the host child?

It’s totally normal to shift around sleeping accommodation to make room for visiting friends.

This! We have 5 bedrooms but had a houseful once and had both dd & DS on airbeds on our bedroom floor with visitors in all the bedrooms. As a kid we always had to shuffle to free up a bedroom any time we had visitors. The idea of making people pay for a hotel because no one can make do for a night seems ludicrous to me.

We also have a 5 bedroom house. One of our reception rooms has huge sofas that could sleep 2 (honestly 3) comfortably too. If worst came to worst, me and my husband would just sleep on them.

I don’t think I’d plan in too much detail beyond ensuring my daughter knows there’s no expectation for her to share a room with anyone she doesn’t want to (same if I had a son).

Honestly, I would keep it fluid and see how they get on together when they arrive. Odds are at least some of the kids would be thick as thieves and wanting a sleepover within about 20 minutes anyway.

In your position, I would ensure your elder ones keep their rooms as private spaces unless they want to invite someone to share them, but expect to bunk the younger ones in with us if needed.

I think your plan is reasonable but it's also reasonable to have the four oldest children sharing by sex. We've never had friends over when the kids don't know each other but our mixed sex kids have all shared and we've split by sex previously (with similar age kids they know well).

When we did this the kids shared by sex but all had the option to sleep with their own parents if they preferred. Kids were strangers in the morning and besties by bedtime and had lovely sleepovers.

I think your youngest would find it odd to share a room with someone they don’t know. It’s your home so your call. The older kids will probably think it’s fun to have a sleepover together but depends on personalities I think.

this makes the most sense to me, given you've said your older 2 prefer to share with each other.

Always own siblings.

I know a couple of people who were abused as children by older kids.

I wouldn’t want my children sharing with children they don’t really know. COCSA is far too common. I’d have them share with siblings unless there’s a chance your friends can stay at a hotel or air b and b instead.

Share with own siblings. Any disagreements between the children can then be dealt with by their own parents rather than the adults from both families being drawn into who did or said what. Also eliminates issues if you have different rules, e.g. about tech in rooms overnight.

You have so many rooms and many combo options. It will work out well.

I would firstly think of ..

• your DD3 going in with you.
• your DS4 inviting his twin cousins to share his room.
• the older girls sharing in DD13's room or box room.
• your DS11 inviting his 9 yr boy cousin to share.
• your adult guests in either box room or DD13's room.

The other option would be the same but your older two share the box room and their older two share your DS11's room and adult guests go in DD13's room.

Eh? My opposite sex DC have always shared a room on holiday, I don’t see an issue with that at all.

I would definitely have siblings sharing under these circumstances at this age and you say your DC are happy to share with each other. I think most children would feel much more comfortable sharing with their siblings than with children they don’t know well.

Guests do not get to dictate sleeping arrangements in your house - you decide what suits you and your family best, and if the guests don’t like that arrangement they can stay in a B&B instead.

I think it depends on the kids personalities and ages, out of the two options I'd say siblings but if they're getting along I don't see what's wrong with same sex. No different from a sleepover?

This sounds absolutely perfect, I can’t see why anyone normal would have an issue with it