Not to Include Siblings in Birthday Party Invitations?

NotWantingToBeRude · 2025-03-14T12:24:19+00:00

Just sent out invitations for my soon-to-be 4 year-old’s birthday party at a soft play. One parent has replied asking whether it would be OK if, as well as her 4 year-old DD who received the invitation, she also brings her DS who is 6. I hadn’t invited siblings as it would potentially double numbers and the cost is already £20 per child (not including party bag and cake which I haven’t even factores in yet). We barely know this family and I’ve never actually met the older DS. There are other families invited where we *do* know the siblings and I would feel, if I were to allow one to come, it would seem unfair not to invite them all. I’d prefer not to do this. However I do realise that it’s not always easy to find childcare for a sibling for a couple of hours on a weekend and that not everybody has a partner and/or family available to look after them. What do you think? AIBU not to include siblings? I’ve not known anyone else do this but I’m struggling to find the words to politely say no.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 14/03/2025 12:26

"The soft play is open to the public so you can bring [name] but will need to pay the admission cost as the party is pre-paid. Looking forward to seeing [invited child's name]!"

Deerrobin · 14/03/2025 12:27

Is the soft play centre open to the public as well, or is it exclusive hire? If it’s open to walk ins you could say that you can’t add to the party booking/meal but fine if she wants to bring them and pay admission for them to have a play at the same time?

Talipesmum · 14/03/2025 12:28

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 14/03/2025 12:26

"The soft play is open to the public so you can bring [name] but will need to pay the admission cost as the party is pre-paid. Looking forward to seeing [invited child's name]!"

Yes, this.

Jollyjoy · 14/03/2025 12:28

It’s a weird one. I’ve had people bring uninvited siblings and thankfully I had some spare party bags and others hadn’t showed up. I get there can be childcare issues though and it’s good this mum asked. I think if you’re ok with the cake and party bag part you could tell them the cost for the extra child and let them pay them in? I think it’s totally normal not to invite siblings though and you could just say I’m sorry I can’t do it due to numbers.

Reugny · 14/03/2025 12:28

If you don't want siblings there then say so.

Some parents need to be told that siblings can't come.
**
I don't know why a 6 year old would want to be at a 4 year old birthday party particularly if they aren't actually invited.

Snorlaxo · 14/03/2025 12:29

I always replied that they could bring sibling but it costs £x (General admission price) and they’d have to buy food and drink separately for their child. This was what other parents said to me too and I was happy to pay.

BinWim · 14/03/2025 12:30

If the soft play is open to the public, then tell them they are welcome to bring the sibling but they will need to pay their own entry and food.

if it’s not open to the public then tell them they are welcome party is closed to the public and as you are paying you are not able to accommodate the cost of additional children.

Original poster

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:32

Thanks all. Honestly I just feel so rude saying this. It sounds so off to mention the cost.

OP posts:

CrotchetyQuaver · 14/03/2025 12:33

I think it would be reasonable to say if parents want/need to bring along a sibling then they must pay for them and stay to supervise them.

I guess they don't have anyone to leave them with and of course there's probably no way most 6 year olds are going to sit on the sidelines and not party!

Fitzcarraldo353 · 14/03/2025 12:35

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:32

Thanks all. Honestly I just feel so rude saying this. It sounds so off to mention the cost.

It's totally normal. I had to bring my older DS with me once or twice when bringing his brother to a soft play party I just paid his admission, he ran and played in the soft play and then I bought him food when the party was eating. He sat separately with me (or other children's siblings).

Have had other parents do the same when I hosted DS party there.

Ponydreams · 14/03/2025 12:36

We often had siblings join a party. if it was at a public place like soft play / trampoline park, then parents just paid separately and bought their own food. I always took extra cupcakes/ sweets though(so I didn’t look like a total Scrooge! )

Fridaysgirl17 · 14/03/2025 12:40

Im a single mom with very little help so when my older son started going to parties in the local soft play I'd have to bring his younger brother but for me I always messaged the parents & asked but I always said I'll pay for him in,I'm not intending for him to be at the party or be included, they always gave a party bag as there was extra,& I always had snacks for him but the parents would give my son extra chips etc, we have a very close class for my older son so it was always ok,thankfully now I have mom friends & if their child is going they always offer to take my son now which is amazing

MrsPerfect12 · 14/03/2025 12:43

Go with first post. I have been invited to a party where the host has stated in advance, if you want to bring a sibling please pay at the door. It's fine. The mums is a CF.

Original poster

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:50

Fridaysgirl17 · 14/03/2025 12:40

Im a single mom with very little help so when my older son started going to parties in the local soft play I'd have to bring his younger brother but for me I always messaged the parents & asked but I always said I'll pay for him in,I'm not intending for him to be at the party or be included, they always gave a party bag as there was extra,& I always had snacks for him but the parents would give my son extra chips etc, we have a very close class for my older son so it was always ok,thankfully now I have mom friends & if their child is going they always offer to take my son now which is amazing

This I would have zero problem with. All would be totally fine if the mum said, ‘Thanks DD would love to come! By the way I’ll also need to bring DS(6) but will cover his costs obviously and don’t expect him to be included for the food.’ But she hasn’t actually said this so I’m left wondering whether I’m going to look a real scrooge if there’s not a place laid for this boy at the table and he doesn’t get a party bag.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 14/03/2025 12:52

The norm was yes but siblings paid for themselves and wouldn't expect food, cake or party bags

Labmum · 14/03/2025 12:52

To be honest if it's a soft play or trampoline type party in a public place and I know the sibling would want to go I just book them in separately and bring them along, I don't ask permission because I'm not expecting the host to pay for sibling or for them to get food/party bag. I pay for whatever sibling needs.

Perhaps this mum is just being very polite checking you don't mind her bringing said sibling to the soft play at the same time. I'd probably give the benefit of the doubt and just say, yes of course and send them the link to book sibling on (to make it clear you're not paying for sibling). Don't overthink it because you've a long road of parties ahead.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 14/03/2025 12:57

Don't worry about being rude, The other parent wasn't worried!

Round our bit its mostly parties in halls so siblings are welcome. However I'd never ask that of a soft play party, those are expensive! We ended up with 34 kids, maybe 10 of those were siblings, at DS1's party which is crazy imo, but since it was in a hall it wasn't a big deal. Plus, many of the siblings were ages with DS2, so it all works out if other parents do the same.

Yerblues · 14/03/2025 12:59

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:50

This I would have zero problem with. All would be totally fine if the mum said, ‘Thanks DD would love to come! By the way I’ll also need to bring DS(6) but will cover his costs obviously and don’t expect him to be included for the food.’ But she hasn’t actually said this so I’m left wondering whether I’m going to look a real scrooge if there’s not a place laid for this boy at the table and he doesn’t get a party bag.

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You need to (wo)man up and message her back. The PP had a good, diplomatic suggestion. It is an absolute cheek to be expected to pay for siblings in a soft play. A village hall might be a different scenario.

CautiousLurker01 · 14/03/2025 13:00

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:32

Thanks all. Honestly I just feel so rude saying this. It sounds so off to mention the cost.

I think that is what they’re banking on…

I’d stick with the ‘sorry, places have been booked and paid for the invitees only, but you are welcome to bring, feed and supervise your older child at your own expense’. Yes, it sounds rude, but so is inviting an older sibling!

I think things have moved on since I was doing all this, but I’d be inclined going forward to state on invitations ‘siblings are not included due to limit on numbers’.

RealEagle · 14/03/2025 13:02

CautiousLurker01 · 14/03/2025 13:00

I think that is what they’re banking on…

I’d stick with the ‘sorry, places have been booked and paid for the invitees only, but you are welcome to bring, feed and supervise your older child at your own expense’. Yes, it sounds rude, but so is inviting an older sibling!

I think things have moved on since I was doing all this, but I’d be inclined going forward to state on invitations ‘siblings are not included due to limit on numbers’.

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Exactly this ,could you imagine the costs if everyone brought a sibling

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 14/03/2025 13:07

Usually a parent would assume that they’d be paying for the sibling if it’s that type of party.

Maybe just respond with, sure it’s not exclusive hire. You might want to book siblings ticket before you come though because it can get quite busy. He’s the link x

I’d hate for a child to not be able to come because they are in a single parent household.

i make a point of asking parents to tell me if their are bring a sibling so no one feels excluded.

notacooldad · 14/03/2025 13:10

Honestly I just feel so rude saying this. It sounds so off to mention the cost
You are naking a mountain out of a molehill.
Parent asked a straightforward question and you answer with the info you want to give them and that's it.
Why over complicate things?

Changethenamey · 14/03/2025 13:13

Honestly it’s fine. I always take siblings to soft play parties and pay for them to get in/buy separate food. They don’t expect to be included in the party and neither do i expect them to be, they just go off and play like a normal Saturday in soft play whilst sibling enjoys party, everyone’s happy!

Fridaysgirl17 · 14/03/2025 13:16

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:50

This I would have zero problem with. All would be totally fine if the mum said, ‘Thanks DD would love to come! By the way I’ll also need to bring DS(6) but will cover his costs obviously and don’t expect him to be included for the food.’ But she hasn’t actually said this so I’m left wondering whether I’m going to look a real scrooge if there’s not a place laid for this boy at the table and he doesn’t get a party bag.

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See for me I never expected my youngest to be included he was going to play & was seperate from the party,I would never expect a party bag for him or food,there was always extra chips so they gave him some just because they were there but it was never expected & I communicated that as I never wanted to be a CF

Clarabell77 · 14/03/2025 13:16

NotWantingToBeRude · 14/03/2025 12:32

Thanks all. Honestly I just feel so rude saying this. It sounds so off to mention the cost.

But they didn’t feel rude asking…. You can say you’re at maximum numbers and don’t mention the cost.