Page 3 | Not to Include Siblings in Birthday Party Invitations?

NotWantingToBeRude · 2025-03-14T12:24:19+00:00

Just sent out invitations for my soon-to-be 4 year-old’s birthday party at a soft play. One parent has replied asking whether it would be OK if, as well as her 4 year-old DD who received the invitation, she also brings her DS who is 6. I hadn’t invited siblings as it would potentially double numbers and the cost is already £20 per child (not including party bag and cake which I haven’t even factores in yet). We barely know this family and I’ve never actually met the older DS. There are other families invited where we *do* know the siblings and I would feel, if I were to allow one to come, it would seem unfair not to invite them all. I’d prefer not to do this. However I do realise that it’s not always easy to find childcare for a sibling for a couple of hours on a weekend and that not everybody has a partner and/or family available to look after them. What do you think? AIBU not to include siblings? I’ve not known anyone else do this but I’m struggling to find the words to politely say no.

NoKnit · 16/04/2025 06:50

You see I reckon the question she really is asking is if she can drop her 4 year old off and not stay. Just tell her no to the brother but that she is welcome to drop her child off. I personally prefer when parents don't stay

OutandAboutMum1821 · 16/04/2025 07:03

Calmestofallthechickens · 14/03/2025 14:23

I am often in that situation (two kids, too young to be dropped off at a party) and I would send a similar message in an effort to be polite. (It’s surely better to message and ask, rather than just decline the invite immediately, or bring a surprise sibling along?)

When I send that message I’m genuinely asking what the host would prefer and wouldn’t be offended either way, and then if I do need to pre book the sibling’s entry or whatever then I can do.

For those who say the mum is a CF, what is the best way to navigate this situation (as the parent with two kids and no childcare)?

Yes, I agree with you that it is better to explain your situation and ask rather than bring surprise siblings. I’ve had several people do that, and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

I had to do this for 1 party- my DH was on his own with both, so I messaged the party Mum to explain that usually one of us would just bring our DS, but on this occasion my DH would be alone with both and that he would of course pay for our DD’s entrance and refreshments. If her son would prefer just his party guests, then alternatively DH could drop our son off. She was happy for our DD to come.

I personally would rather somebody came with a sibling than decline the invitation for the invited child.

Original poster

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 07:18

I think the mother genuinely still has no clue that the cost is anything like £20 per head. I think she thinks I’ve paid a set amount to hire the space regardless of how many are coming. It does feel difficult to spell this out without coming across as rude and stingy.

OP posts:

lilacflowerpetal · 16/04/2025 07:29

YANBU to say no. You’ll have years of this to come!

It’s not rude to reply that you’ve paid per child and that they can bring them if they pay for their entrance and food.

arcticpandas · 16/04/2025 07:34

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 07:18

I think the mother genuinely still has no clue that the cost is anything like £20 per head. I think she thinks I’ve paid a set amount to hire the space regardless of how many are coming. It does feel difficult to spell this out without coming across as rude and stingy.

She does know but is pretending to be clueless so she doesn't have to pay the cf. She's counting on you being a mug. Just tell her "As I've told everyone else who wants to bring extra people (even though this is not true) , I have reserved and paid for the people invited only so if parents want to bring additional persons this will have to be handled (meaning payed for) by them at the soft play."

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 16/04/2025 07:36

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 07:18

I think the mother genuinely still has no clue that the cost is anything like £20 per head. I think she thinks I’ve paid a set amount to hire the space regardless of how many are coming. It does feel difficult to spell this out without coming across as rude and stingy.

Why do you think this? Has she responded to you, or are you worrying about a hypothetical scenario?

SoftPillow · 16/04/2025 07:41

I don’t think it’s that complicated to reply with a ‘I’m so glad that Harry can make it. Unfortunately we don’t have any space or catering for extra siblings in the party group as it’s fixed numbers. However the play centre is open to the public so you’ll be able to bring Sarah along and pay for her entry. Looking forward to seeing you there’

Simple

1AngelicFruitCake · 16/04/2025 07:43

One tip for any of these parties is to stand at the door with a list of children invited. Smile and welcome the party child then remind them (because they’ll know) that they need to pay entry fee if sibling is staying.

SunnySideDeepDown · 16/04/2025 07:45

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 07:18

I think the mother genuinely still has no clue that the cost is anything like £20 per head. I think she thinks I’ve paid a set amount to hire the space regardless of how many are coming. It does feel difficult to spell this out without coming across as rude and stingy.

Why are you so worried about coming off stingy? Mentioning money isn’t tight.

1AngelicFruitCake · 16/04/2025 07:47

When my daughter was 7 we hired a room and entertainer. It was a busy party and we were busy with the food. A single mum who I don’t know well asked if her 3 year old could come with her as she didn’t have a babysitter. I thought it was a bit strange as her 7 year old sibling didn’t need mum to stay but said yes. An hour in I spotted the 3 year old holding herself because she needed the toilet - mum had gone and given herself 2 hours on her own! Get in there first OP, people are so rude!

2021x · 16/04/2025 08:00

"Sorry, I haven't budgeted for any extra children".

Coconutter24 · 16/04/2025 08:08

Have you hired the place exclusively? If you haven’t and it’s open to the public she can just bring her child anyway and pay for them to enter and play only. To save any awkwardness on the day just tell her he’s welcome to come and play but you’ve only paid for X amount of kids to sit at the party table. That opens it up for her to say don’t worry about the table he can play or she can buy him a meal or whatever.

Goldengirl123 · 16/04/2025 08:10

I think they are extremely rude to ask! Just reply saying that unfortunately siblings aren’t invited as that would double the cost x

Tjiuoy · 16/04/2025 08:19

We used to expect siblings to come but parents to pay for them/get their own food and stay with them. It worked out well when we once had a last minute cancellation by one of the invited children, as we contacted the parent of one of the siblings, who my child knew, to say they could come for free rather than the paid for place being wasted.

KittyPup · 16/04/2025 08:24

Absolutely fine for the parent to pay separately for the child. I always take spare party bags for siblings though. The kids look forward to them so much at the end of the party, so it’s nice to give them a little something even if they weren’t part of the party.

BellissimoGecko · 16/04/2025 08:40

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 07:18

I think the mother genuinely still has no clue that the cost is anything like £20 per head. I think she thinks I’ve paid a set amount to hire the space regardless of how many are coming. It does feel difficult to spell this out without coming across as rude and stingy.

Woman up and tell her! If she has any sense at all, she will know that she should pay for her other dc. Cheeky mare!

rainbowstardrops · 16/04/2025 08:48

It’s not remotely rude, or stingy, to explain to the parent that of course the sibling can come but they’ll need to be paid for, fed and supervised. It’s the norm where I am!

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 16/04/2025 08:48

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 07:18

I think the mother genuinely still has no clue that the cost is anything like £20 per head. I think she thinks I’ve paid a set amount to hire the space regardless of how many are coming. It does feel difficult to spell this out without coming across as rude and stingy.

Tell her that she pays for sibling. Job done

TenderChicken · 16/04/2025 08:48

At soft play parties, I always brought my other child and paid for them seperately, didn't even mention it to party mum.

I'm wondering if she doesn't go to softplay much and doesn't know this is ok.

Unless it's a very small softplay and you've booked out the whole thing?

Just let her know what the situation is, I think you're over thinking this.

Original poster

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 09:09

TenderChicken · 16/04/2025 08:48

At soft play parties, I always brought my other child and paid for them seperately, didn't even mention it to party mum.

I'm wondering if she doesn't go to softplay much and doesn't know this is ok.

Unless it's a very small softplay and you've booked out the whole thing?

Just let her know what the situation is, I think you're over thinking this.

Yes I’m thinking this too.

I don’t think she’s familiar with this venue. I’ve spoken to her in person about this now and just seemed a bit clueless, not intentionally rude. She is maybe ND and not clear on what is acceptable.

OP posts:

BlackBean2023 · 16/04/2025 09:25

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 09:09

Yes I’m thinking this too.

I don’t think she’s familiar with this venue. I’ve spoken to her in person about this now and just seemed a bit clueless, not intentionally rude. She is maybe ND and not clear on what is acceptable.

Show quote history

OP, you’ve overcomplicated this massively - the first post was the way to go.

Her older child is 6, she knows how soft play and parties work.

ConnieSlow · 16/04/2025 11:56

I’m sorry but you are making excuses for her. She has a 6yo and she must be really thick not to have heard of a soft play party. Any activity out of the house would need an entry payment, common sense. She’s playing dumb and hoping you don’t question her.
tell her she’s welcome to bring him and the costs will be X.
don’t be fooled by people like her, what parent with TWO kids and an older one doesn’t know you pay to enter anywhere?

Nonsense10 · 16/04/2025 12:00

NotWantingToBeRude · 16/04/2025 09:09

Yes I’m thinking this too.

I don’t think she’s familiar with this venue. I’ve spoken to her in person about this now and just seemed a bit clueless, not intentionally rude. She is maybe ND and not clear on what is acceptable.

Show quote history

ND people aren't stupid 😂😂

Maddy70 · 16/04/2025 12:09

Say unfortunately due to costs we are only allowing the invited child to the party however of you wish to take X yourself it's open to to the public at the same time