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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit worried about going to someone's house where they have massive dogs?

85 replies

blubberball · 14/03/2025 06:43

We've been invited to a garden party, but I'm not sure how to get across my concerns about the massive dogs my friend had last time we were there. I don't see her very often, so I'm not sure how many dogs she currently has, but last time I was there, there were 2 huge bully type dogs. It was just us, so I was able to stay calm and was able to keep the dogs calm. This time, it's going to be a party with at least 20 people I imagine, and I just have this gut feeling that it could be a recipe for disaster. I love animals, and I'm generally not scared of dogs, but just read so many stories about bully dogs killing people. I can't get the image out of my head of how they lock their jaws on to something (or someone), and violently shake and don't let go. I don't want to offend her, but how would other people handle this situation?

OP posts:
Enigma53 · 14/03/2025 09:11

No, I wouldn’t go. I used to live next door to a family who had a Rottweiler. They kept it in the porch ( insanely cruel!) One day, it was off its lead with owner. The dog made a bee line for myself and my mum. It wouldn’t respond to its owners calls; mum and I thought we were done for! The owner said “ Oh she won’t hurt you, she’s very gentle”! Like fuck!! No, gentle the dog most definitely wasn’t!

I would not go. YANBU.

Mellivora · 14/03/2025 09:12

Well done for speaking to her op, people need to accept that sometimes people don’t want to be subject to their choices.

SnoozingFox · 14/03/2025 09:13

blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:00

I love animals and am always respectful of them. I know that if an animal bites/scratches me, then it's always my fault. I would just rather it not be the last thing someone does

HARD disagree.

It is not your fault if you are walking along a path and an out of control labradoodlecockapoo thing jumps all over you "being friendly" and scratches you. It is the fault of the owner. Similarly, you cannot possibly blame the people who are attacked by one of these bully breed things, that was not their fault either. (Unless they were one of the deluded fools who are the owners of these beasts).

ParrotParty · 14/03/2025 09:14

I'd only go if they are going to be securely separated from everyone. Definitely wouldn't if they're going to be out around people.

EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 09:17

I asked about if the dogs are going to be locked away, and they're not, so I decided to let her know that I wouldn't be able to go

By the look of the voting it doesn't seem you'll be the only one.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 09:19

Oh I see yes. That wouldn't be my fault if I'm minding my own business and walking along, and an animal comes running over to me. I agree it's the fault of the owner who's responsibility it is to keep that animal under control. I think I just meant that I never blame the animal for being an animal.

OP posts:
ParrotParty · 14/03/2025 09:20

LameBorzoi · 14/03/2025 08:40

You are more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the party than you are to be killed by the dogs.

When you consider the millions of car journeys per day, vs the extremely small amount of 20 person parties around xl bullies the statistics would likely be more chance at the party. Obviously hard to calculate but fatal car crashes are not at all common compared to the amount of cars whereas dog attacks compares to amount of dangerous dog breeds is a fairly high amount, especially when you add in riskier circumstances like the stress of lots of unfamiliar people and noise.

Mischance · 14/03/2025 09:22

You are not obliged to go. Life is too short to be doing crap that we don't want to. Just say no. The world will keep turning .......

Leonberger · 14/03/2025 09:24

Gundogday · 14/03/2025 07:44

I wouldn’t go.

A large Old English sheepdog or Leonberger, fine. A bully type - no.

Someone who knows a leonberger 😃😃

In answer to the OP. No I wouldn’t go.
I also wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t come to mine because of my dogs, that’s the price you pay for choosing a big breed. Surely she will understand.

CarrieOnComplaining · 14/03/2025 09:36

I wouldn’t go either, OP.

If they ARE XLs it seems madness to me that they need to be muzzled out in the street but not with loads of friends and family just the other side of their fence.

And so many of these attacks take place within the dogs’ homes or gardens.

The likelihood is that the party will go ahead without incident, but you wouldn’t feel relaxed so what’s the point?

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 14/03/2025 09:54

@LoveWine123 why should she get help because she doesn't love big dogs? I don't love dogs and cats. I am happy not to attend social events where they are present and I have no intention of seeking help either. The idea that everyone must love animals is ridiculous

Yerroblemom1923 · 14/03/2025 10:03

I think I would've asked if she could lock them away for the duration of the party, and am surprised she hasn't planned to anyway! I would imagine most of the party goers don't want to be terrified and if it's kids too is he especially concerned.
Why people still have these dogs is beyond me. What's wrong with a Lab or a spaniel? Friendly, sociable dogs not bred for bull-baiting! I know it's an outdated sport but it's in their genes still and the harm they can do is madness!

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 10:32

EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 07:54

Personally I would be looking to get some help with this issue as this seems to be preventing you from enjoying nice, social occasions with your friends

One instance of being nervous in a specific situation, with a number of specific dogs whilst not generally being afraid of dogs does not call for any sort of therapy. In fact, it seems that the large majority agree with OP and it's not something they'd choose to do even as a one off. I personally quite like dogs but would avoid this situation because I wouldn't be at all comfortable.
It's a normal reaction.

I think if you read OP's posts you will understand why I have suggested it. I think the last post mentions a constant anxiety loop. I don't see why my suggestion is not a viable one. She is free to take it or leave it, but it does seem it would be helpful.

The13thFairy · 14/03/2025 12:35

Of course I wouldn't go, and I'd tell her why. It'll probably be a very small party!

MsNevermore · 14/03/2025 18:22

I’d ask her. Just politely say that you’re a bit nervous around dogs and if she’s planning on having the dogs around the party guests?

I’d argue that most responsible dog owners also wouldn’t put their animals in a position that’s potentially stressful for them - like having 20 strangers in their home. No matter how well behaved and friendly a dog is, that as the potential to be inherently stressful and could be a recipe for disaster. It’s not a risk I’d take personally - not only for the benefit of my guests but also my dog.
My sister has a very large dog, and despite the fact that they’ve spent a wild amount of money on professional dog training and he is so well behaved and friendly, she’d never have him in an environment like that. We had a big family event a while back that was hosted at my sister’s house, and her dog went to my parents’ house for the duration of the party where he could chill out in a familiar environment and not be stressed out.

Zwellers · 14/03/2025 18:28

You sound very dramatic describing the dogs as predatory.

Oldandcobwebby · 14/03/2025 18:31

Bugger that. I wouldn't put myself at risk for the sake of a couple of glasses of wine and some sarnies.

Maddy70 · 14/03/2025 18:49

TheWonderhorse · 14/03/2025 07:27

I would consider the dogs a key reason for attending and the 20 people might put me off 🤣

Same ... It's the people that worry me ;)

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 14/03/2025 18:52

Dog lover here. My dog is currently cuddled up against me. I wouldn’t go. Dogs act strange when a lot of people are on their patch. They can also get over excited. Kids running and squealing could alarm them. Any other breed would be ok but you’re right, it’s not worth the risk.

Yerdug · 14/03/2025 19:59

LoveWine123 · 14/03/2025 07:13

Is there a reason you are nervous about these specific dogs? Were they aggressive last time you went, difficult to control, have they given you any reason to be afraid? If not, it just seems a bit strange to be afraid.

Why don’t you ask her what the arrangements are for the dogs because you are nervous? Then you can decide what to do based on her attitude (I.e. dismissive or if she has thought about it carefully). To be fair, you don’t know if the dogs are a bully breed or if they just look like that to you. Again worth asking? I think if your friend feels it is safe to invite 20 people then she most likely doesn’t consider the dogs to be a problem.

Bully breed owners don't consider their dog/s to be a problem. Until there is a ( often fatal) problem. This is the problem.

SpareMe · 14/03/2025 20:01

I have dogs, I love dogs but still feel nervous around weapon dogs

Mh67 · 14/03/2025 22:03

Just don't go. My friend has asked me to stay a few times at her house and I always refuse as she has a dog. I'm not comfortable around them. She accepts this

pizzaHeart · 14/03/2025 22:04

Doingmybest12 · 14/03/2025 06:49

I wouldn't go or I'd ask if the dogs will be out. I'm happy to tell people I'm a bit scared of dogs even though I've had dogs. Most sensible people understand and if they don't even pretend to understand I'd not go.

That’s me too.

Rhaidimiddim · 14/03/2025 22:06

Pootles34 · 14/03/2025 06:53

Nah I wouldn't go if they're bully types. I just don't trust the judgement of someone who chooses to get a dog like that.

This! 100% this!

Lemsipper · 14/03/2025 22:09

Statistically you’re probably more likely to die on the drive over there, I wouldn’t worry about it