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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit worried about going to someone's house where they have massive dogs?

85 replies

blubberball · 14/03/2025 06:43

We've been invited to a garden party, but I'm not sure how to get across my concerns about the massive dogs my friend had last time we were there. I don't see her very often, so I'm not sure how many dogs she currently has, but last time I was there, there were 2 huge bully type dogs. It was just us, so I was able to stay calm and was able to keep the dogs calm. This time, it's going to be a party with at least 20 people I imagine, and I just have this gut feeling that it could be a recipe for disaster. I love animals, and I'm generally not scared of dogs, but just read so many stories about bully dogs killing people. I can't get the image out of my head of how they lock their jaws on to something (or someone), and violently shake and don't let go. I don't want to offend her, but how would other people handle this situation?

OP posts:
EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 07:54

Personally I would be looking to get some help with this issue as this seems to be preventing you from enjoying nice, social occasions with your friends

One instance of being nervous in a specific situation, with a number of specific dogs whilst not generally being afraid of dogs does not call for any sort of therapy. In fact, it seems that the large majority agree with OP and it's not something they'd choose to do even as a one off. I personally quite like dogs but would avoid this situation because I wouldn't be at all comfortable.
It's a normal reaction.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 14/03/2025 07:59

Do people generally just have dogs milling around when they have a party?

I’ve owned dogs all my life and whenever we have a party, the children have a few friends over etc, the dog has always been confined to a safe room for the duration. More for the dog if anything, to reduce stress and not to have the worry of where they are/what they are eating/if someone accidentally lets them out.

Also, I am aware that not eveyone likes dogs, even though I have only ever owned soppy golden retrievers, they are still large and not everyone is comfortable around them.

Are you sure your friend won’t be doing the same?

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:00

I love animals and am always respectful of them. I know that if an animal bites/scratches me, then it's always my fault. I would just rather it not be the last thing someone does

OP posts:
Pices · 14/03/2025 08:03

Maybe just ask what breed they are? You don’t seem to have much knowledge of dogs. We have dogs and I have never put them away for a party. Why would I? They love it! They ignore people that don’t offer them a fuss and get loads of attention from those that do. If these are two staffies who are perfectly well trained then it’s really a non-event. If they’re XL bullies then you could have some concern.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/03/2025 08:03

Everyone thinks their dogs will be fine, and are friendly.....until they're not.

I wouldn't be around a bully type dog full stop!

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:04

Last time we were there for a party, the dog was wandering around stealing food off people's plates. I saw the funny side. Now there are more of them and I guess that I've read more stories since. Some pets are just too big and powerful to be allowed really

OP posts:
Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:06

They're not staffies, they're huge. I love staffies. I admittedly don't know much about these dog breeds, but they look you know illegal. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what breed they are really. They're massive, powerful and muscular animals

OP posts:
Pices · 14/03/2025 08:18

It does really matter which breed they are if know anything about dogs. Great Danes, Irish wolfhounds, Newfoundlands etc are all bigger than XL bullies but you’d be fairly daft to be afraid of them. Perhaps they’re Bullmastiffs? If you’re not comfortable then don’t go. You’ll have to politely decline. If you think your friends are the type of people to put their friends in harms way then maybe they aren’t the friends for you.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 14/03/2025 08:18

blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:04

Last time we were there for a party, the dog was wandering around stealing food off people's plates. I saw the funny side. Now there are more of them and I guess that I've read more stories since. Some pets are just too big and powerful to be allowed really

That’s really crap in itself. Awful for guests and not great for the dogs if they eat something they shouldn’t.

EntropyCentral · 14/03/2025 08:23

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what breed they are really. They're massive, powerful and muscular animals

Quite. I had a friend with a couple of Rhodesian Ridgebacks. She used to say she'd put them in the garden when I was there but then they would bark like mad until she let them in. I eventually had to ask her to tell me before she let them in so I could leave.

I haven't sought therapy because this fear involved just two dogs and one friend.
It seemed cheaper and less disruptive to just not visit.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:23

Could be bull mastiffs. They're definitely bull something. They could be a bull mix. They're in that gang. Great danes, Irish wolfhounds and Newfoundlands all look different to me.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 14/03/2025 08:33

I would ask my friend upfront about the dogs. I wouldn't mention "bully breed" when talking about them. If they aren't a bully then you friend will just say "they aren't bully" and you are no further forward.

Tell her you are scared of large dogs, it concerned you last time but there was only one, but now there is two you will struggle to be in close proximity.

She can then either make arrangements to keep them separate or not, and you can decide to go, or not. And if you do go and they make an unexpected appearance, you can leave without fuss because she knows why you left.

DaphneduM · 14/03/2025 08:33

Honestly, OP, you don't have to adopt such a conciliatory and apologetic tone on this thread. I would feel exactly the same in your position, and I speak as someone who has been around dogs all my life. If you're uncomfortable, which is completely understandable, just make some excuse as a clash of events on that date. If there wasn't a problem with some dogs, then we wouldn't be hearing about the horrendous incidents happening. You'd never forgive yourself if you went and something happened. You won't enjoy it anyway.

LameBorzoi · 14/03/2025 08:40

You are more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the party than you are to be killed by the dogs.

Ollybob · 14/03/2025 08:42

I wouldn't go, I do like dogs and did work in a place that they often came into, loved giving them a fuss and a treat.
But certain big dogs I still avoided.

The chance of being mauled to death is very small but as proven in recent years some dogs are quite capable of doing so.

I would also avoid even more if the owner calls them babies, just shows what an ignorant owner they have.

Happyearlyretirement · 14/03/2025 08:48

Do not go. My friend has a pocket bully and I have not visited her since she got it and she knows my reason. Surprise surprise, she’s now trying to get rid of it as it’s unpredictable, nobody wants it and it looks likely it’s getting PTS.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:55

I let my friend know that I'm scared of the dogs and won't be able to go. She's really nice and understanding about it. Thanks for the replies here, it has helped me to deal with it. I am anxious with parties any way, but party plus massive dogs and I know I won't be able to relax and enjoy it.

OP posts:
Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 08:56

I don't think she calls them babies, I think that was someone else on the thread

OP posts:
SnoozingFox · 14/03/2025 09:01

I wouldn't go either. I dislike dogs at the best of times, most of the dogs round here are yappy, jumpy, poorly trained things. A nuisance rather than a danger. But large powerful dogs ARE a danger, especially in a situation where there are lots of people, kids, noise and food.

Unless the person hosting the party could guarantee that the animals would be locked away safely in the house/garage I would be declining.

SnoozingFox · 14/03/2025 09:03

Oh - and I wouldn't be bothered about offending her. If you choose to have these types of animals in your life you are going to get these sorts of reactions.

murphys · 14/03/2025 09:04

I think the only response is to not go.

But if people are nervous of their dogs, surely if having a party of 20 odd people, they will be secured elsewhere during the party? Why not just ask her if that will be the case.

As an aside, I stopped counting and how many times the word massive could be used in one thread.

(I bet they are not even that big really)

Tootjaskoot · 14/03/2025 09:04

You got a vomiting bug the day before the party I think.

Chipsahoy · 14/03/2025 09:06

Gosh, don’t go. I have a Labrador among others and she’s dappy and sweet and wouldn’t hurt a fly but because she’s massive, she goes to her bed when we have company.

Original poster
blubberball · 14/03/2025 09:06

Sorry about the overuse of the word massive. I think my brain is just on an anxiety loop

I asked about if the dogs are going to be locked away, and they're not, so I decided to let her know that I wouldn't be able to go

OP posts:
NatureOverNightclubs · 14/03/2025 09:09

I wouldn't go

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