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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guy I’m dating only has gay friends & has the needs to mention it a lot. Weird?

52 replies

Jtfrtj · 13/03/2025 18:09

As the title says, it’s has come to light that the guy I’ve been on a few dates with ONLY has gay friends, (no straight male friends) and what makes me more so uncomfortable, that he appears to almost brag about it. Maybe I’m not explaining it properly, but it’s almost as if he thinks this raises his credibility and he almost uses their status for his own image?. I feel like this second point is the bigger issue.

The first/second dates he’d mention the following in conversation.

”I have this friend, Jane, she’s a lesbian. We met when some lads were picking on her and she was been chastised for her sexuality. I told them to do one. She has a hard time generally because she’s quite overweight too and she’s woke judge her on her appearance, but I see past that”
(I felt he was been minorly smug while saying this, and his attitude about her was condescending)

“I’ve asked my neighbour to take in a parcel, she’s a lesbian so I’ll pick that up from her tomorrow”

“My best friend Darren, who’s gay btw, is going to London”

“My friend and his boyfriend want to open a cafe”
(The way he said “boyfriend” was as if he was making a point of that and wanted me to take notice)

Fast forward to today, we had our 3rd date this afternoon.

He said all of his friends are from the LGBTQ community, and that he doesn’t like straight men because they’re “dickheads”.
I responded “Well, aren’t you a straight man?”
He said “Yes but I’m different that way I’m comfortable with my sexuality”

He is adamant he is 100% straight, never had any previous intimacy with men. Only ever been with women.

I don’t think it’s odd for a straight man to have gay friends, but I do think it’s odd to alienate your own demographic and label them all as “Dickheads” while only seeking out another community to have friendships within.

I’m a bit weirded out by today’s conversation and not sure I want to see him again.

Is this weird?

OP posts:
SwtchedHouse · 14/03/2025 07:00

MagicalMystical · 14/03/2025 06:52

The more you describe him, the more David Brent I’m seeing.

Haha yes

SassK · 14/03/2025 07:13

Jtfrtj · 13/03/2025 18:26

“Don’t be a beard” 😂

I saw photos of him with his friends today. The dynamic between them even looked odd in pictures, he is a very blokey man’s man. Not in the slightest bit feminine (I know not all gay men are feminine, but his friends are).

It all feels so strange and out of place

He's not a man's man though, he's told you he's only a gay man's man!
I worked with a woman once who was married to a proper big gruff bloke, he was like one of the hairy bikers. It transpired he was gay as a summer's day, he'd been living a double life on the gay apps for years.
If I had an inkling a guy I was dating was in the closet, I'd run a mile.

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