Guy I’m dating only has gay friends & has the needs to mention it a lot. Weird?

[Jtfrtj]

As the title says, it’s has come to light that the guy I’ve been on a few dates with ONLY has gay friends, (no straight male friends) and what makes me more so uncomfortable, that he appears to almost brag about it. Maybe I’m not explaining it properly, but it’s almost as if he thinks this raises his credibility and he almost uses their status for his own image?. I feel like this second point is the bigger issue.

The first/second dates he’d mention the following in conversation.

”I have this friend, Jane, she’s a lesbian. We met when some lads were picking on her and she was been chastised for her sexuality. I told them to do one. She has a hard time generally because she’s quite overweight too and she’s woke judge her on her appearance, but I see past that”
(I felt he was been minorly smug while saying this, and his attitude about her was condescending)

“I’ve asked my neighbour to take in a parcel, she’s a lesbian so I’ll pick that up from her tomorrow”

“My best friend Darren, who’s gay btw, is going to London”

“My friend and his boyfriend want to open a cafe”
(The way he said “boyfriend” was as if he was making a point of that and wanted me to take notice)

Fast forward to today, we had our 3rd date this afternoon.

He said all of his friends are from the LGBTQ community, and that he doesn’t like straight men because they’re “dickheads”.
I responded “Well, aren’t you a straight man?”
He said “Yes but I’m different that way I’m comfortable with my sexuality”

He is adamant he is 100% straight, never had any previous intimacy with men. Only ever been with women.

I don’t think it’s odd for a straight man to have gay friends, but I do think it’s odd to alienate your own demographic and label them all as “Dickheads” while only seeking out another community to have friendships within.

I’m a bit weirded out by today’s conversation and not sure I want to see him again.

Is this weird?

He sounds like he likes nob tbh

Oh come on op! You're his beard.

https://youtube.com/shorts/gLrku1qTjrM?si=Sw0DH0fl9ITKhes8

Ditch him. But before you do, tell him how bloody weird the whole thing is, ask him why the hell he keeps banging on about people’s sexuality and report back to us!

Christ 😂😂 I was wondering what the IT Crowd references were about 😂

FYI I don’t look like a man.. At least I don’t think I do 🥺 BRB just going to check for any facial hair in the mirror 😅

Well, it’s going to be an awkward conversation regardless whether I tell him how weird it is. I think he’ll gather that’s what’s led to the decision, as earlier the conversation got a bit tense.

My facial expressions must have given off how odd I thought it was, as he said in quite a defensive manner “I know what you’re thinking, no I’ve never been with a man. It’s 2025 straight men are allowed to have gay friends”. I said “I know they are, I just think it’s odd you say all straight men are dickheads, as if you don’t fall into that demographic” The mood seemed a bit sour after that

I’m going to have to let him down soon because we have a dinner date scheduled for Saturday (we planned this before the weird conversation)

Has he taken you to the theatre?
Maybe to see Gay: the musical?

Sounds like Charlie from TOWIE who wasn’t gay…until he was. And ALL the signs were there.

Listen to your gut.

So when you're having a conversation next, mirror him.

So i was talking to Janice today, she's heterosexual by the way, and dhe has to go buy onions next week.

I bumped into Kohn last night at pottery club, he's straight, I've not seen him for a while.

And when he points it out, day oh well I realised you point out people's orientation every single time, it's definitely not normal in conversation.

Or just dump him and walk away.

I don’t know if I think he’s gay from what you’ve said but he’s definitely very annoying.

Well he's determined to prove something/hide something..

The most obvious is that he is actually gay.

I actually think more likely he is a massive controlling manipulative arsehole who finds gay men non-threatening as they're not competition and they're a great cover, in his mind, for his arsehole tendancies..

If he is friends with loads of gay people, then he must be a very confident straight man and a 'nice guy'... he can't possibly be an insecure controlling prick.

Or as I say, he's gay and he's so far back in the closet he's in fucking Narnia.

I actually think more likely he is a massive controlling manipulative arsehole who finds gay men non-threatening

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

I could be wrong, but I’m getting the feeling from him that he’s a bit insecure and trying to be something he’s not (tried telling me that he use to be a “gangsta”, I pretty sure they don’t refer to themselves as that). I think manly straight men would intimidate him, and that is why he refers to them as “dickheads”

We went into his local bar earlier and there was a new barman, he said “you new here?” then puffed out his chest, put his hand out to shake his hand and said his name in a put-on deep voice. I cringed because he said it like he owned the place and was trying to assert his dominance, but it was just awkward.

I think he has a bit of an identity crisis. Now I’m thinking about it he’s very odd.

He's trying too hard, why is that... what is he putting in so much effort to hide.

Run away, throw this one back, there's plenty more out there!

He is making a "look at me, don't look at my gayness" announcement, it's all about him.

You're a beard, babes. A beard to a creepy weirdo, at that. I'm sure you can do better ...

Omg either he's closet gay/bi, a "My best friend is gay" therefore I can't be homophobic sort, or just an out and out oddball.

Many of us have LGBTQ friends but we don't feel the need to keep mentioning their sexual preferences. They are just, "Dan, who works in accounts" or "Sarah, who I met at salsa class".

Dump.

I would have challenged him on it and ask why he needs to talk about his mates' sexuality. Before not seeing him again.

I think he sounds like he might be gay. I've known a few people who've told me how they're definitely not gay but people think they and, after a number of years, they often discover they're gay. Great for them to discover themselves but not for their heterosexual partners.

Sounds like he is a nob and likes nob all in one man.

Dump and run.

The ‘comfortable with my sexuality’ comment would send me running for the hills ..

He sounds like some male equivalent of those tedious women who say they don't get on with other women.

Christ - used to be a “gangsta” and puffing out his chest to the barman - that is so cringeworthy and embarrassing- this has surely given you the ick? Ewww I feel embarrassed for him!
I don’t think you want to see this guy again and I would not blame you! It sounds like he needs some therapy.

This

I bet he's a cyclist too.

He sounds incredibly irritating. I have gay and lesbian friends. I would never think to mention their sexuality to anyone else in conversation. It’s bizarre. Essentially what he’s doing is saying “oh this is Jane. Jane is sexually aroused by vaginas” “I’m having coffee with Paul, Paul loves cock.” Sexuality is not someone’s identity and proclaiming their sexuality in an otherwise unrelated context is frankly, othering and completely unnecessary.

Exactly my thought! Take him to the theatre @Jtfrtj !
(Actually no. Run fast!!)

The more you describe him, the more David Brent I’m seeing.