Anyone else unhappy with their child’s primary?

[ChilliLips]

I’m a bit stuck. DD is in year 2. The school itself is fine - lots of outdoor space, nice teachers. But the classroom itself is somewhat chaotic - 1 teacher and 3 one-to-ones, severe behavioural issues in a few of the kids, half of the class are significantly behind which they’re struggling to cope with. DD is very able but I feel left to sort of drift as she doesn’t ‘need’ attention, I do understand that objectively. I met with the head because one of the children was repeatedly attacking her, only to be told they have no money and are wrangling with a large number of kids with significant delays in their learning and there’s only so much they can do. It was very honest I suppose, but he basically just told me she’s in the wrong setting.

I’m not convinced the other local state primaries are any better, from what I’ve heard. I’m getting a significant pay rise in 18 months so am considering sending her to the local prep but it feels like a last resort, as I never wanted to go down the private route. I also have a toddler who would need the same treatment. I’m also reluctant to take her away from friends unless I’m sure it’s the right thing.

If you were in this position what did you do? TIA

I started home schooling. But I home school because I can't afford private. I used to work in a prep, and it was lovely. Do it if you are unhappy at present, though a lot of people will tell you to save your money for secondary.

I was in exactly this position, with DD responding in the same way. Sent her private after two years. Best decision ever, though took a while for her to catch up on the lost learning. From class of 35 to 11.

That is unfortunately the norm, quiet able kids are always ignored.

DC moved to private in years 2 and 4 and are thriving. Eldest is homeschooling as neither were best for her.

This happened to my son so we moved him to a private prep school. Best thing we ever did and we hadn't planned to do it. The small class sizes and specialist teachers make such a difference

You need an an absolute abundance of income to send two children trough private education. ‘A pay rise in 18 months’ is very vague. What are the options for secondary?

Thanks all.

Money wise - I’m an average earner and DH higher. Between us we earn 90k. I’m due to get a pay rise of 20k in just over a year, pending finishing a qualification. I received an inheritance a while ago, so our mortgage is fairly small at 170k. DH is also set to receive a small inheritance of around 30,000 once conveyancing is finished.

If we sent DD we would have to send toddler DS as well when the time comes as I want to be absolutely fair. There’s a good local grammar which I would like DD to attend but that’s obviously far from a given, but a few years in a prep might stand her in better stead for the test. If she doesn’t pass I doubt we would move her back to the state system - so worse case scenario, we would have to send both of them to private until 18.

Interested in whether you think this is workable based on the above. The local privates are around 15k a year, and the senior schools 20-25. It’s a huge sum of money so not something we can enter lightly. Thanks

I have had 3 DC in primary. I loved their school when I chose it for my first and they’ve all enjoyed attending. However, I would 100% send them to private if I could afford to. I actually think private primary is one of the best starts you can offer your child, even if you then put them through state secondary (we’re lucky though our 2 local colleges are outstanding with amazing exam results).

There must be some good states in your area - I don't recognise your description at all. Worth seeing if they have space.

I don't see how you can afford private on your income tbh

Absolutely private school, even if it means huge sacrifices in other areas of your life. Education is the best use of money when you have bright DC.

Three 1:1s in your DDs class tells me all I need to know. Your poor DD having to put up with the failings of other parents through no fault of her own.

and if you don't have any decent secondary state options you could start saving although still think it would be very tight. Alternatively could you move to a nicer area?

@loadalaundry the challenge is that even in a ‘nice’ area with ‘good’ schools it can be a bit of a lottery. I live in one such area and moved to private pretty quickly having volunteered in the classroom and seeing first hand how incredibly difficult it can be to meet the needs of all children given current state resourcing, send and general behaviour.

Well unless something unexpected happens we will be earning 110k jointly, with a cash pot of 30k (we would just put this to one side). School fees would be 50k at their peak if we had to send both to senior school, which would leave us 60k a year for everything else. Our mortgage is small and we don’t have any expensive hobbies, cars or holidays. We have no debts and nothing on finance. I’m not saying we’re multimillionaires who could easily afford it, but it looks like we could manage and have a little wiggle room if needed. I have appropriate insurance for illness, death etc. Our jobs are public service in the type of role that doesn’t get the chop due to cuts, so we’re as sure as we can be that we won’t be made unemployed.

I would assume fees rise by 5% a year - some years will be less than that, but in recent years it has been more than that before even getting into VAT. I was told to expect senior fees to double by the time they get from reception to y13.

i would say your situation is doable with one child, but I would be very nervous about getting them both from primary all the way through y13. You will know your outgoings and career prospects better than us, though.

@Labraradabrador not issues I see in my dcs school or the ones Ive worked in. Of course some dc misbehave but dc get excellent results.

Like I said - it’s a bit of a lottery.

Well unless something unexpected happens we will be earning 110k jointly, with a cash pot of 30k (we would just put this to one side). School fees would be 50k at their peak if we had to send both to senior school, which would leave us 60k a year for everything else.

I didn't realise you meant 110k net so gross you earn more like 170k. I still think it's tight for the whole way through

@Labraradabrador of course & why I said in my first response there must be some decent options, it's unusual for them all to be bad.

I agree with @Labraradabrador re fee rises & with VAT, lower birth rates & just general increased costs I think fees will increase quite significantly each year as many schools are already struggling.

I don't take it as head saying dc is in wrong setting, it's them explaining there is a huge proportion of sen in the class, some who need a specialist placement but they arnt in one

Surely if you dd us leaving and is happy are the most important issues

We’ve considered moving but we are limited due to our office locations. Here are the state school options by area:

1. Small but incredibly expensive city. Excellent state secondaries, but very competitive, to the extent living a mile away is no guarantee of getting in. The schools are also single sex, and we have DS, so we would have to live equidistant between the 2 which would lower our changes further. And we would have to gamble by maxing our mortgage out for simply the chance of getting in with nothing guaranteed. There’s 2 other secondaries but they’re worse and on the fringes of the city.
2. A medium size city, affordable houses but the secondaries are rubbish. It’s commutable to grammar, but if they didn’t get in, the state schools on offer would be dire. This is where we are now.
3. A very affordable small town which is ok but I prefer far less to option 1 or 2. Longer commute for us, but we could buy a house fairly cheaply and the town has a small mixed indie with reasonable fees. Grammar is within reach by 1 train stop of around 20 minutes (different to the grammar above) but this would mean a move around 70 miles away from where we are now. I do have some family and friends here however. But the day to day would be fairly hectic.

Yes, it would be tight, I’m not going to make any bones about that. The 30k would be put aside for the ad hoc expenses like uniform and school trips. If we had to dip into it for fees, that to me would be a sign we couldn’t afford it.

Thanks for all the advice. It’s a situation I never thought I would be in, I didn’t realise how bad state schools have become until DD started. Ours doesn’t have a reputation or anything, it’s considered average for the area.

Small but incredibly expensive city. Excellent state secondaries, but very competitive, to the extent living a mile away is no guarantee of getting in. The schools are also single sex, and we have DS, so we would have to live equidistant between the 2 which would lower our changes further.

Are any of the schools related & have you checked admissions policies? How do other families navigate the above as different sex siblings are very common.

Do you mean £110k gross (your wages) or net (the amount you actually bring home. Eg we earn jointly around £128k and monthly take home net after pensions etc is shy of £8k
Our DD is year 2 and in a prep school. We actually started her there from the start in reception as we couldn’t bring ourselves to feel confident in our local state primaries, there are better ones a little further afield.
Be aware that once you’ve had a private school experience it’s hard to leave and move back to state. Our DD is in a very small class of 9 and is very happy.
Her fees are just over £1k per month at the moment but escalate each year. This is 1/8th of our income approx but it still feels a lot. If your gross is £110k I think it’ll feel like a struggle and especially with two.

We are in the same situation. DS at outstanding local primary that we moved to for the school. Five min walk from the house.

used as a buffer for difficult kids, and basically overlooked as he is bright and quiet. Teachers obviously care about him but are too stretched. GPs have offered to pay for prep so very lucky but not sure whether prep is that much better that it justifies the 30 min commute each way by car