if I told you I wanted to socialise with my surgeon

[EustaceEustace]

you'd tell me he couldn't because it was inappropriate and that I was unreasonable for asking right?

But if you are famous, you can get your surgeon to do an interview with you, a cosy photoshoot and say things like:

“We’re going to be friends for the rest of our lives,” McCall says to him. “We are going to go out to dinner with our partners! We are GOING TO DO IT!”

https://www.thetimes.com/article/1c160a07-3b88-4e58-8db0-f5624a5ac4f6

Davina McCall: My brain surgery and the doctor who saved me
When the TV presenter posted on social media in November that she had a brain cyst, she was already on the operating table. Now the patient and her neurosurgeon, Kevin O’Neill, reveal their powerful bond

(paywall but basically an interview with her and her surgeon (from which the above is a direct quote) and a photoshoot - the image below is just one picture. There is another where he's in a suit and she has her hand draped over him

don't know if this will link:

https://www.thetimes.com/imageserver/image//2f5253ea-1e0d-4e18-9ae9-0857a96ad44d.jpg?crop=3543,2834,0,663

Makes me think less of him that he agreed to do it in that way because I bet almost everyone who has successful brain tumour surgery whether malignant or benign feels a huge emotional attachment and overwhelming gratitude to their surgeon - which is precisely why the professional rules about non-professional contacts with patients are so strict. The BMA even prohibits accepting social media friend request from patients!

AIBU to think she shouldn't have done this (i don't mean an interview about her surgery generally, I mean this 'emotional bond'/out for dinner/cosy photoshoot with the surgeon) or said what she said and he shouldn't have done it either.
and he wouldn't have done the same thing for someone non-famous (I get that is why there was interest from the paper - but say you had a leading allotment gardener who wanted to do the same thing in allotments weekly or a company secretary in company secretary monthly). Other patients could look at this and think, well if she can try to go out with him socially why can't I?

Buccal fat removal?

One of our matrons, hit the nail on the head when she said that although patients see us as part of their family, they are not part of ours. (We'd had a patient in for almost a year and we all loved her, but professional boundaries were difficult as mum got involved in everything on the ward)

I doubt they will be friends for life and I doubt the dinner will ever happen. It’s just good PR (for both of them).

DH is a surgeon-NHS emails can easily be guessed so patients do sometimes try to contact him directly; he ignores any emails that come from a patient and does not engage-no matter how nice the patient might be. He forwards them to me to deal with (am his secretary) and I inform them not to email him as he won’t respond and that they can contact me if they have any issues.

I think it's giving awarness and recognition to tumours and the hope that surgery can work. Maybe more recognition = funding. He can write a book.

Also she has been through a lot and one of the hallmarks of trauma recovery is that you want to reach out and connect with people as it creates oxytocin.

I think you can also transfer God like powers on surgeons and consultsnts. Never really found Davina high on personal insight though.

DMc is a gobshite. Why are you surprised?

Honestly, I suspect it hasn't. Either that or they are in a highly dubious practice. Massive professional ethics issue and totally inappropriate

She’s almost 60. (And looks amazing.)

Totally agree OP. I have seen this on numerous occasions with those in the public eye becoming @friends for life" with midwives who have delivered their children. So, so inappropriate. I honestly don't know how they get away with it. I know for a fact of o started socialising with payments my employer and my regulator would be all over it!

What is that, removal of ones teeth? seriously, it seems she's lost a huge amount of weight (she was already slim before) i think it might be the something to do with her condition/treatment.

You sound nice.

I do wonder if they actually will socialise or whether it was simply said for the purposes of the interview.

On the other hand, I do kind of socialise with my former GP. He was my GP for about 20 years and then retired. Not that we are friends particularly, but we do have friends in common and so we often come across each other. It was a bit weird at first, but I'm used to it now.

your Aunties therapist is extremely unprofessional

it’s certainly unethical as they do not have a friendship they have a therapist/client relationship your aunt does not know her therapist on a personal level

many of my ex clients wanted to stay in touch you work on this and many I would have loved to know how they are doing but I have to keep professional boundaries for their wellbeing (and mine)

i am sure the therapists supervisor will have something to say about this

Agree op it’s strange and he sounds weird and Davina just had a need to be public about her whole life

How do.you know him quite well

Remember, coils don't hurt, don't need pain relief....

@WaffleParty I agree something about him in scrubs and her in cocktail attire.. strapless in one and short dress in other seems off putting. Like there’s a hidden message /vibe there. Sexying it up bit as opposed to her in blouse and pants or more business like dress. Also the posing..

This isn't a very female friendly comment but given that she made a living out of being a role model- remember then DMc fitness DVDs etc.- I wish she would put some weight on. I worry that a bout of flu and there will be nothing of her! Eat some carbs.

Having gone throughout the same surgery, for the same type of brain tumour, I wanted to kiss my bloody surgeon. Colliod cysts sit silently growing in the brain, there are no symptoms and when they go wrong, they do so without warning and most don't survive. The majority are only diagnosed during a post mortem.

So, no I'm not judging either of them, I welcome the publicity and if it saves one life due to raised awareness, that's good enough for me.

Hmm yes. How do you get through the day if you are an “empath” you’d be too sad all the time. Better to be cold and clinical!

he is angling for a tv career.

how can such an (academically) intelligent man use the word empath?

@LadeOde bit of an urban myth probably that Joan Crawford had some back teeth removed to emphasise her cheek bones and give that sort of ‘sunken in’ appearance.

I've met Kevin O'Neill a few times. He operated on my late partner about a decade ago (NHS - Charing Cross Hospital). My late DP had glioblastoma, which is sadly a very aggressive brain tumour with low survival rates.

I knew him as a kind and dedicated doctor, and also a pioneering one - he performed the ops when the other surgeons wouldn't, and he bought him an extra year of life and relatively good health.

They did go above and beyond, in that clinic. We had their mobile numbers. His assistant surgeon (who was training with them) called me as soon as the ops were over. They helped me so much when he deteriorated.

Brain tumours are cruel. I imagine Davina is in shock, still. Unless you have been there, don't judge. I imagine Kevin is still trying to raise more awareness - he's been chair of a charity that does so for a number of years now.

To the poster wondering if he is also an empath to his patients who aren't rich and famous - can't speak for everyone but he was really kind to us.

I have met two medical professionals in my life who were brilliant and after long courses of treatment I did say I wish we had met under different circumstances and had just been friends, both women like myself. I bought them both gifts and I look back and hope they are doing well.

@ForTealBee that is unprofessional and the therapist could be reported to their professional body.

It's all been signed off.

It happens. It's life, life happens and people shouldn't be punished.

You need to keep an eye on that friendship. It's completely inappropriate and could easily become abusive/toxic. I hope your Aunt doesn't have money/property that she can be persuaded to hand over.
I can remember Diana, Princess of Wales, popping up in operating theatres etc and anyone who spoke out against it was shouted down. For most ordinary adults who get sucked into fame, it doesn't go well.

She fancies him, simple as that.