Too much ick?

[Stickyspringchicken]

Recently met a guy online, handsome, funny, self sufficient, respectful, the list goes on. But theres just one problem and i dont know if its just me. He finishes our phone calls with "bye kiss kiss" and i just die a little inside. He asks me to say it back and i just cant. Am i unreasonable not to finish our private conversations like this? Hes not really asking much i suppose.

Now thats not what i mean is it.
Its nice to say by by kiss kiss in a nice why my husband says it to me.
But i get where op is coming from.
If its something that makes her feel off then thats her right to end it.
In my comment you will read i have the same problem with ick and cringe. Like your comment raise your standards sorry that word alone kills me.
As i said its a me problem.
No need to jump and make my comment in to sometimes its not.

Is he British?

Tell him you would like him to end all future conversations with "all hail the mighty warrior queen @Stickyspringchicken" and hopefully he will see how ridiculous it is to try to dictate to another adult what to say during a call!

I got rid of my first ever 'love' because he said 'a-lately'. A lot of people in my neck of the woods use it in contexts such as 'there is a lot of crime around here a-lately'

I just hate it! He said it 3 times and I had to get rid.

So 'bye kiss kiss' would have me blocking him shortly after vomiting.

I would finish every call with 'see you later alligator' and insist that he responds in kind. That'll get rid of him.

Where do you go from here?

To the hills, as fast as you can.

I'm sorry my response upset you. But I am strongly against women who are unsure being told any version of give him a chance/ he probably didn't mean it/he's trying to be nice etc. We are encouraged to ignore our gut and our own wishes in order to make others happy far far too much. If we're unsure, there's probably a very good reason for it. I don't think it's a 'you problem', I think we're conditioned to think we're the problem, too picky, too sensitive, and squash our feelings, when we're really not unreasonable at all.

OP, your gut says no.

whoops, replied to wrong post. sorry. There's another post called "he gives me the ick!"

@FightingFish Vile? In what way? Do you understand what the word Vile means?

If he can get you to do something you don't want to do then this will be very valuable information for him, and he'll proceed accordingly. Dump and run.

If you want a discussion on trans and pronouns please start your own thread and dont shoehorn it into @Stickyspringchicken thread which has bugger all to do with in.

@Didimum why would it make any difference if he is British or not ?

@Stickyspringchicken
You been put off because he trys to insisted on you saying bye kiss kiss is understandable and I was going to say you just need to be firm and tell him you don't find it appealing/ sexy / funny.
But your up date , hell fire absolutely not !
There is no way he should be threatening to gag and paddle you for not saying what he dictates .
If you are into BDSM as pp said its the sub that picks the safe word not the dom , and never ever under and kind of pressure .

Pp are right kick this one to the kerb with your steel toe capped boots on.

He clearly has BDSM fantasies.
Unfortunately he is not made of the right stuff for anyone to explore that safely with him.
Good time to get out, OP.

Mentioned he would gag me and use a paddle to spank me and "kiss kiss" would be our safe word

I just dont know where to go from here

I mean, I think it's pretty obvious where he wants things to go from here.

This whole thing is a dominance fantasy thing for him - getting you to do what he tells you, making it into a little flirty battle of wills. Which is totally fine and a lot of fun if you're also into it, but it sounds to me like you're very much not into it.

In which case you need to tell him very clearly indeed that you're uncomfortable with that dynamic. I suspect you are not compatible with this guy and are probably being a bit naive about his intentions.

I would be extremely worried he might be a psychopath. Get rid immediately.

Because it might be a very common saying/exchange in his native language or culture.

Yes, you do.

Your additional comment confirms he's dodgy. Cut him loose and move on.

Mumsnet is mental.

Why didn't you say this in your OP?

🙄

We are allowed to ask if someone is British. It isn’t taboo to ask nationality.

This chap clearly isn’t very nice, doesn’t listen, is coercive and manipulative. Not a good prospect. Read the red flags early before you get hurt.

Following for giggles later

This cracked me up 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But pretty standard for MN.

Just tell him to stop. It is weird.

Riight. Because that wasn't at all relevant to put in the OP...

And also absolutely this: If you are into BDSM as pp said its the sub that picks the safe word not the dom , and never ever under and kind of pressure

Oh, luv, I ‘ear ya loud ‘n clear! Imagine bein’ serenaded by Prince Charming ‘imself, all wit, charm, and self-sufficiency—an endangered species these days! And then—BAM!—just as yer floatin’ on the clouds of a delightful chinwag, ‘e drops the ol’ “Bye, kiss kiss” like a rogue crumpet into yer tea. Absolute emotional whiplash, innit?
Now, I ain't sayin’ ‘e’s a wrong’un, bless ‘im, but demandin’ reciprocal “kiss kisses” is a slippery slope, my dear. Today it’s “kiss kiss,” tomorrow it’s “Toodle-oo, snuggle muffin” and before ya know it, you’re sign’n off work emails with “Laters, cuddly wuddly!” A gateway phrase, if ya will.
So no, you ain't bein’ unreasonable, petal. If it makes ya shrivel up like an overbrewed teabag, it’s a no from you, daaaahling. Stand firm. Keep yer dignity. And if all else fails, start endin’ your calls with “Cheerio, spanky wanky” and see how he likes it. 😘

Are you well?

You are right it could be common where he is from. Although I find it a very odd phrase and would be surprised if its common, but I obviously don't know every phrase across the globe
However his insistence on OP saying it is still out of order.