DH left me NOTHING in his will – devastated and fuming

[jackmd5]

I’m honestly reeling and don’t know what to do. DH of 15 years passed away unexpectedly a few months ago. It’s been a horrible time, and I’ve been dealing with everything – funeral, DC, paperwork, the lot – while also grieving.

I’ve just found out that he left NOTHING to me in his will. Not a penny. Everything has gone to his two DC from his first marriage, who are both adults and very comfortable financially. Our joint savings, the house (which is in his name, long story), even his personal possessions – all left to them. I get that he wanted to provide for them, but to leave me, his WIFE, completely out??! I am beyond hurt and also absolutely panicking because I have no idea where this leaves me financially.

He made the will before we were married, and I stupidly assumed he’d updated it. I trusted him. Never in a million years did I think he’d do this to me. I’ve raised our DC, supported him through thick and thin, and now I’m left with nothing??

I feel sick. I don’t even know where to start with legal stuff – does anyone know if I can challenge this? I can’t believe he’s done this. I thought we had a happy marriage. Just looking at his face in old photos makes me want to scream.

Has anyone been through anything similar? What did you do? I feel so betrayed.

Maybe he did know that the old will was invalidated by the marriage?

@arcticpandas

But he hasn't put you in any situation OP! He married you and by doing so he protected you so stop being angry against the poor man and remember him as the good man I hope he was. You are protected as other posters have explained to you. So are your children and normally his children too; they will share 50% of the money left after the 320 k have gone to you. So let's say he leaves 620 k. 320 goes to you. Then you get 150 k (50% of 300) and his 2 children and your 2 split the 150 k that rests.
Not in the UK
Typically ALL marital assets will be deemed as 50% belonging to the spouse.
Of the remaining 50% £320k goes to the spouse and what is left of the estate after the 50% and first £320k is then split evenly between all dc.
So in reality the vast majority of the estate will end up with the OP

Deleted because I don't actually know what I'm talking about :D

No, I don’t have a will stupid, I know. This whole mess has made me realise I need to sort one ASAP.

As for the house, it was his before we got together, and for some reason, we never got around to putting my name on the deeds. I know, I know huge mistake. At the time, it just didn’t seem urgent. We always saw everything as “ours,” and I never imagined he’d die without making sure I was protected.

And yes, he was quite a bit older than me. Maybe that’s why I just assumed he’d have been more on top of things legally he wasn’t careless in other areas of life. I honestly feel like such an idiot for not pushing him to update his will or at least properly discussing it. But hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

@arcticpandas
Oh rereading it I see you said the same thing

I feel sick... I can’t believe he’s done this. I thought we had a happy marriage. Just looking at his face in old photos makes me want to scream... I feel so betrayed.

At least now @jackmd5 you know you needn't feel this, as it was likely more an oversight that he didn't write a new will after your wedding (or did but failed to let you know) or that he was aware that marrying you rendered the existing will null and void and you would still be inheriting his estate, but didn't mention it.

Grief is awful but it's so much worse if you feel your loved one betrayed you or didn't care, at least now you know that wasn't the case.

You need to read the rules on distribution of an estate where the person died intestate. Because you are wrong. In England and Wales, with an estate this value, all of the biological and adopted children of the deceased will get something.

Was the house from his first marriage? Did the older kids grow up there?

Have his children enquired about the estate at all?

Get legal advice ASAP! I don't understand why you haven't. Surely probate has started?

I really felt for you when you were going to have nothing .
Now with advice you may get it all and be ok and the older kids are now to get nothing ? I also find that shocking .
Why would you not make sure they got a decent share they are his kids after all.

No, I don’t have a will stupid, I know. This whole mess has made me realise I need to sort one ASAP.

I'm sorry for your loss, but if you have no will it is rather unfair to berate your late husand for not having one.

Depending on where you are and how much the total estate is worth, you'll probably end up with a large percentage, if not all of it.

What I would say is that if you get everything, and his grown up kids get nothing... I'd do something about that.

I didn't care about the money when I lost my dad, but I did care about having something tangible of his to hold onto. I'm sure your DH had enough personal clutter to make sure all of his kids (and you) get some kind of keepsake each. It's not about how valuable it is, it's about how it makes you feel, how it makes you think of the person you've lost and actually smile.

The will is invalid because he married you. You get prioritised as his wife.

As for his older kids, the fact they were in his will before marriage shows they were always important to him.

So, as much as he could have made this less painful for everyone all round, it sounds like he loved all of you, and thought he'd have more time to deal with 'life admin'.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and how this situation has just added to your stress and your grief.

Wondering if he was a widower and now op gets the house that the older dc should have inherited.

@jackmd5 I am sorry for your loss. 💐

But on a practical note

1. I’ve been dealing with everything – funeral, DC, paperwork, the lot – while also grieving. Yes this a bad time to have so much to deal with but surely the will would have been a priority when dealing with paperwork. I can't quite understand how it has taken you so long to find out abut his will. Did you not ask for a copy from his solicitor?

2, I’ve just found out that he left NOTHING to me in his will. Not a penny. Everything has gone to his two DC from his first marriage, Where did you find this out from? Who told you? His DC or his solicitor? His DC wouldn't be able to pretend they inherited everything surely , so either that is in a now invalid will , or he did write one post marriage leaving everything to them. The latter sounds strange, though.

It still doesn't change the fact though you need to speak to your solicitor . Today. Only then will you know.

Sorry if you have answered some of this but I think the advice on here is pretty clear.

Edit to add - if you do end up getting the lion's share I concur with others that you treat his adult children fairly & in the spirit of them being his children as much as yours are.

Isn't this why people put stuff in a trust? It belongs to the trust not the person.
So no, it's not rubbish

I too find the fact that his first children get nothing- a second wife can waltz in and screw over the older children- he clearly loved his older children, as he left his estate to them.

I'm sorry for such a difficult situation, OP.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/dealing-with-the-financial-affairs-of-someone-who-has-died/

You’re being a bit unreasonable to be livid at him for not updating his will when you don’t even have one. What if you’d dropped dead before he did, he might have felt angry at you for not sorting a will as well? Why didn’t you ever discuss it?

As others have said his old will is overridden now you’re married anyway, but I feel bad for his older kids if they end up with nothing. Seek legal advice asap and be fair to his other children, especially if he paid off the house before you met him, it was his house then really and they should ideally benefit. If he’s let anyone down in not updating his will it’s his children rather than you.

No one assumes they’re going to die unexpectedly, we all think we have time… you included.

"I didn’t create this situation, HE did by not sorting his will. And now I have to deal with the fallout."

Not being mean to you, OP, but as a cautionary tale for others: Neither spouse should be in full charge of financial, tax and estate matters. You are (were) both adults; did you never bring up estate planning? Did you not even inquire? This situation is the creation of both of you, not just him.

I have seen so many women blindly trust that "Oh Nigel will handle all of that money stuff/legal stuff," and even giggle about it, and/or give up their own earning power, only to be absolutely shocked and impoverished when it turns out that Nigel has failed to make a will, made a will in favour of others, gambled away the pension pot or otherwise screwed them over.

Never trust anyone with your security and financial future. It's not "unromantic" to be prepared and it's not morbid to discuss estate planning. Take heed.