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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I approach school or the teacher

67 replies

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 18:46

I collected my DC ( twins ) from school today ( for ref. it is a private school ) and I was asking about their day. They said the Physics lesson was ok and they didn’t do anything because the teacher said she is tired and she put a documentary on for them to watch. They are in F9 but already preparing for GCSEs. This seems to be a reoccurring trend with this particular teacher. Sometimes she takes them out to play in the woods on the school grounds instead of the lesson. I wouldn’t mind, if there was an educational purpose for it, but my DC said that they are just chatting. She is suppose to be their teacher for the next three years to take them through GCSEs. I don’t think her teaching is adequate. I have been told by some parents with children in F11, who have the same teacher, that they have to do tutoring outside the school for Physics because they are behind the other children who have different teachers. On top of it all, this teacher has a child in our year and my DC are good friends with her child. We know them for years ( they joined our school in F6 ) and I know the teacher more as a mum acquaintance. This is the first year she is teaching my DC. I feel like I would be an asshole to complain to school without trying to talk to her first. Also what if I do complain and she finds out it was me. Our DCs are a part of group of 8 close friends and they do a lot of stuff together at the weekends ( sleepovers, shopping, activities etc ). I don’t know how to approach it without making it awkward in the group. Do I just suck it up and pay for a private tutoring, talk to the school or talk to the teacher?

OP posts:
Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 18:49

Who would be a teacher.

Octavia64 · 10/03/2025 18:49

Play in the woods? How old are they?

One off I'd let it go (was the documentary on a topic they are studying?)

Are you in the U.K.? We don't use F notation.

More than once I'd mention

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 19:01

Octavia64 · 10/03/2025 18:49

Play in the woods? How old are they?

One off I'd let it go (was the documentary on a topic they are studying?)

Are you in the U.K.? We don't use F notation.

More than once I'd mention

Yes we are in the UK. I wasn’t born in the UK but I lived here for 24years. I really don’t know about other schools as my DC where in the same school since nursery but they call it Form not Year. They are 14. Documentary was about turtles

OP posts:
Wetbag · 10/03/2025 19:05

Is it not possible that the documentary was actually relevant? Also at my school we take the children out for a day to visit woodland and explore various habitats. Your DC are very fortunate their school is close enough to just walk down to some woods.

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 19:26

Wetbag · 10/03/2025 19:05

Is it not possible that the documentary was actually relevant? Also at my school we take the children out for a day to visit woodland and explore various habitats. Your DC are very fortunate their school is close enough to just walk down to some woods.

Maybe AIBU. Children in the other groups with different teachers do more hands on approach like building a catapult to learn about the physics. I don’t mind walk/play in the woods or documentaries as long as it’s educational

OP posts:
Inmydreams88 · 10/03/2025 19:31

So did the teacher actually told the class that she was too tired to be bothered to teach today so they would watch a documentary about turtles instead? Is that what your child is saying?

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 19:55

Inmydreams88 · 10/03/2025 19:31

So did the teacher actually told the class that she was too tired to be bothered to teach today so they would watch a documentary about turtles instead? Is that what your child is saying?

Yes DC ( twins in the same group) said that the teacher said that she didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and she is tired so they will be watching documentary. I asked what was it and they said about turtles/ turtles laying eggs/baby turtles being hatched. Not sure if it’s anything to do with Physics but ok. As one off, I wouldn’t care. But this is happening quite often.

OP posts:
Mere1 · 10/03/2025 19:58

I would raise a concern with the HOD.

Inmydreams88 · 10/03/2025 20:01

Either there has been a misunderstanding since you’ve been told all this through third parties, and you might look really silly or she really isn’t up to standard. At a private school the standards should be exemplary. If I was paying for private school I think I would speak to the head.

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:28

Inmydreams88 · 10/03/2025 20:01

Either there has been a misunderstanding since you’ve been told all this through third parties, and you might look really silly or she really isn’t up to standard. At a private school the standards should be exemplary. If I was paying for private school I think I would speak to the head.

I would be really happy if all of it was a misunderstanding. She started teaching them in September and the teacher said she is looking forward to having them in the class. Since September my DC told me to same thing about her. I know a few mums of older children and asked about it ( not directly) but they all said the same thing.

OP posts:
Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 20:29

Inmydreams88 · 10/03/2025 20:01

Either there has been a misunderstanding since you’ve been told all this through third parties, and you might look really silly or she really isn’t up to standard. At a private school the standards should be exemplary. If I was paying for private school I think I would speak to the head.

As opposed to a state school where they're less deserving?

Margo34 · 10/03/2025 20:32

Raise it with HOD. Don't parents pay for private to avoid having to pay for tutoring?!

Pickledpoppetpickle · 10/03/2025 20:34

Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 20:29

As opposed to a state school where they're less deserving?

That's not what has been said, is it?

Pickledpoppetpickle · 10/03/2025 20:36

Margo34 · 10/03/2025 20:32

Raise it with HOD. Don't parents pay for private to avoid having to pay for tutoring?!

Nah. Bottom line is you can't buy raw ability or a desire to do well coupled with the ability to put your phone down for a few hours and actually revise. Loads of private school kids have tuition.

PeloMom · 10/03/2025 20:36

I wouldn’t speak to the teacher directly. I’d go higher.

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:37

Mere1 · 10/03/2025 19:58

I would raise a concern with the HOD.

I would do but the HOD is another mum with children at our school and they are close friends with the teacher. I don’t feel comfortable raising this issue with her

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 10/03/2025 20:38

Do not approach someone you know out of school to question their teaching ability.

Either email formally and professionally using teacher name etc as any other teacher, or as this seems to be a more general concern about teaching email the head of department.

Iwannakeepondancing · 10/03/2025 20:39

send an anonymous letter!

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:46

Margo34 · 10/03/2025 20:32

Raise it with HOD. Don't parents pay for private to avoid having to pay for tutoring?!

Yes that’s what I thought but it doesn’t look like it. My DC already have maths tutoring as do most of the other children in the school. It’s £50 ph! My DC had to go on the waiting list for his tutoring, I’m in the wrong job😂

OP posts:
Rainingalldayonmyhead · 10/03/2025 20:50

Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 20:29

As opposed to a state school where they're less deserving?

Right? And my point proved once again that private isn’t better.
My kid in GCSE physics had a teacher with a PhD in Physics from Cambridge. Perhaps he (the teacher) was in the wrong place.

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 10/03/2025 20:51

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:46

Yes that’s what I thought but it doesn’t look like it. My DC already have maths tutoring as do most of the other children in the school. It’s £50 ph! My DC had to go on the waiting list for his tutoring, I’m in the wrong job😂

Why? Doesn’t the school have support lessons after school?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 10/03/2025 20:53

You’re not in the wrong job, you’re paying for the wrong school. It’s clearly not great at its primary job which is educating your children. Find them a new school before the start of the academic year.

Lighttodark · 10/03/2025 20:53

The relationships all sound complicated / blurred across professional boundaries. I would not be happy paying fees and unable to confront situations / ask questions.

Sugargliderwombat · 10/03/2025 20:54

Wow this is really difficult. A play in the woods instead of a lesson? I teach 6 years old and wouldn't do this unless I could link it to a learning objective.

I think I would have to go to head and risk pissing off this teacher but hope that Its dealt with more sensitively.

Jowak1 · 10/03/2025 20:56

My daughter is in year 9 state school- I would be be happy for her to be going out in the woods for a Physics lesson! If it was a one off ok but surely that would be Biology not Physics and you have said it has happened before. It's a tricky situation but no I'd not be happy - hope you come to a solution

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