Should I approach school or the teacher

[JadeMember]

I collected my DC ( twins ) from school today ( for ref. it is a private school ) and I was asking about their day. They said the Physics lesson was ok and they didn’t do anything because the teacher said she is tired and she put a documentary on for them to watch. They are in F9 but already preparing for GCSEs. This seems to be a reoccurring trend with this particular teacher. Sometimes she takes them out to play in the woods on the school grounds instead of the lesson. I wouldn’t mind, if there was an educational purpose for it, but my DC said that they are just chatting. She is suppose to be their teacher for the next three years to take them through GCSEs. I don’t think her teaching is adequate. I have been told by some parents with children in F11, who have the same teacher, that they have to do tutoring outside the school for Physics because they are behind the other children who have different teachers. On top of it all, this teacher has a child in our year and my DC are good friends with her child. We know them for years ( they joined our school in F6 ) and I know the teacher more as a mum acquaintance. This is the first year she is teaching my DC. I feel like I would be an asshole to complain to school without trying to talk to her first. Also what if I do complain and she finds out it was me. Our DCs are a part of group of 8 close friends and they do a lot of stuff together at the weekends ( sleepovers, shopping, activities etc ). I don’t know how to approach it without making it awkward in the group. Do I just suck it up and pay for a private tutoring, talk to the school or talk to the teacher?

Wouldn't be happy

I think statistically children who are privately educated are also more likely to have tutors.

At a private school the standards should be exemplary.

I think people quite often assume this but private schools aren't required to employ qualified teachers or follow the National Curriculum.

They make their own decisions on these things. It's why private schools can be a gamble because the rigour that exists in state schools isn't necessarily there.

There are obviously other advantages but don't automatically assume the teaching or standards are exemplary.

It was certainly implied

There must be some kind of curriculum map or information that tells gives you an outline of the learning outcomes for physics for each term. I would request this from the school, without mentioning anything about the teacher in the first instance, and see what you get back.

I wouldn't expect them to watch a film about turtles in a physics lesson & I think that by Year 9 they are a bit old to be running around in the woods. I think she could just do some text book work, work sheets or maybe some sort of online tasks if she wanted an easier lesson.

However I think it’s all a bit difficult to report. If boys are mates & having sleepovers & meeting up then I think it might be obvious that one of the group has reported her. So it could all be quite unpleasant.

If you are implying that this idea of the OPs is completely unfair then I think you are being harsh.

I am a teacher, albeit primary, and I would expect any teacher to get my child through GCSEs by teaching the syllabus.

The relationship aspect may be tricky. If you say something directly she may get offended, if you go over her head and it gets back then she may think YWBU for not going to her first. I'd see if another parent, who's not in her friendship circle, could raise the query. Or you could raise it in a curious way as 'DC said you took them into the woods the other day - that sounds exciting! What were they learning?'

Really? But....why? Poor kids 😆

Are there reasons why you picked this school for your DC over others in the area? Having to already pay for a tutor for maths at 14, unable to approach teachers professionally because they have children in the same classes does not sound good.

Is the maths teaching not up to much either then? What's the point in going private?

Similar situation here - even same subject! But state school outside of the UK.

I plan to complain both to the teacher and the school. The teacher, because I don’t think it’s right to go over his head without speaking to him first - my view is that the class teacher should be the first point of contact where necessary.

But I will complain to the school also because I know that others have, and the school needs to be aware just how many people are concerned about this guy, and that despite others complaining nothing is changing.

I’m really just expecting though that nothing will change and that DD will need some extra assistance to get through this class, whether from me or from a tutor. And this is a reasonably bright, scientifically-minded kid.

No. They finish at 4.40pm and they can either do activities or the prep until 5.30. The maths tutoring is done privately but during the school and paid for directly to the tutor

Who would be a teacher? Um I don’t know, maybe someone who wants to teach. Just like most of us expect to actually do the jobs we get paid to do.

Then take it to the head and explain the delicate situation as you have here.

What has been said?

As the first route we applied for a state school placement. There is a lovely school in our village. We didn’t get into any of our choices of schools and they placed twins in two different schools. Then we looked at the private schools and there is 6 of them locally to choose from. Our school is very nurturing but it changed over the years and most of the teachers are parents of the children also attending school. It’s a very small area so people tend to know each other. Also school offers 75% discount on the fees for the teachers ( I’m not sure about the other employees)

I was going to suggest exactly that - find a way to get another parent to report it, ideally more than one.

It's highly unlikely that a state school teacher would get away with either of those things. Scrutiny is so tight now that deviation from the syllabus is close to impossible. Not to mention that it's all about results and no teacher wants to lose focused teaching time and risk not meeting their own targets.

And yes, it doesn't help that your private school teachers tend to have their own kids at the school, due to staff discounts. It makes complaining messy.

You are absolutely correct and I found out in F3 that their teacher was not a qualified teacher. Her husband also teaches at school but it’s not qualified. Last year, their daughter finished uni (not a teaching degree) and now is teaching English in our school!

It’s getting really annoying. There is so many teachers with the children at the same school. And the school is from 2-16y. If you are friends with the teachers then your child definitely gets preferential treatment. Like when the teachers were selecting the head boy and the head girl. We already knew who it’s going to be before they announced it

So I texted the teacher earlier and asked about the awards our DC are going to together and I asked how she is because DC said you were tired today and I hope everything is ok? I just got the reply and she said that her DS (18) is suffering with MH at the point of being s**l. She really is not enjoying being the teacher because she has nothing to give anymore but she has to stay at school until her other DC does her GCSEs and goes to college. She is a single mum and I really feel for the stress she is going through but also my DC should be my priority. I don’t think I will report my concerns to the school. If she would loose her job then her daughter would have to leave the school as well. Equally I’m pissed off that both of my DC landed in her group!

Interesting fact re: standards being exemplary because the individual is paying... my friend is a teacher and moved from state to private... She was horrified by the lack of quality resources and teaching the private school had, in comparison to where she'd taught in state education. Obviously this is just one example, but she couldn't believe how much people paid when they, in her opinion, would have been better to choose a fantastic state school! So private schools can be all bark no bite when it comes to what really happens behind closed doors. Needless to say my friend left and went back to state teaching!
Obviously not all private schools are like this.

Edited to add... OP if you're concerned about it, keep a log of what you're concerned about (dates, times) and enquire with someone senior about the evidence your child has provided.

God I would be hacked off if I had to pay school fees and private tutors!

The lines sound really blurred. Personally think it’s dreadful to be at the same school as your parent teaches at. Ok for primary but not secondary. Poor kids.

Plus the boundaries here are bad - all these parents and teachers and their kids mixed in together - recipe for disaster as it’s proving.

That's really sad for your friend. It sounds like she may need some wellbeing support... Has she reached out to the school for support. There must be a mental health lead at the school... Perhaps encourage her to chat to them?

You need to separate 'friendship' from the teaching issues. It's not up to you to know what's going on in her life. If your DC had been placed in the state school and you had a concern about the teaching , you would raise that concern with the teacher, the head of department and the head in writing. Therefore, that's what you need to do, not decide that poor performance is acceptable because the teacher has family problems.
Her managers should be managing the situation and bring in other teachers if she's not able to carry out the work to a satisfactory standard.
I have a family member who has similar mental health issues, if started impacting my work, therefore my work supported me so that my problems didn't in turn impact my work. In the case of a teacher, it's not the job of fellow parent friends to support that person in their working role. Stop blurring the boundaries and realise that this is having a negative impact on your children. It doesn't have to be raised as a 'complaint' but does need to be raised that there are problems that need addressing.
My ds went through private school, I had friends amongst the teaching staff but it didn't mean I then didn't raise a bullying issue when it occurred with a teachers child. It's very important to know that if you need to raise an issue affecting your children then there is a clear process for this.