AIBU to speak to parents or school about this?

[OceanStorm]

DS is in reception and came home today saying a girl he has been good friends with since nursery has said their mum has told her 'girls play with girls and boys play with boys'. The family are Muslim and have seemed nice up until then.

AIBU to say something to school or parents?

Yes, definitely confront her parents 🙄

I wouldn't be sending my child in the next day. I'd definitely move schools and probably move house too.

It’s a sort of misogyny ingrained in some more traditional Muslim families. I’d suggest he finds new friends.

Not really seeing the issue? Not something I would say to my child but hardly a big deal

I know you're being sarcastic but this could form a prevent referral i.e extreme ideology against British values

I think that would be overreacting at this stage. Tell your child that it’s ok to play with who you want to play with. If the other child’s behaviour becomes a problem I’m sure the school will address it.

There are plenty of knuckle dragging non-Muslim dads who would say this sort of thing.

Well then I’d need to refer several families I know who have said similar - they are all white. I don’t agree - but I don’t think it would be classed as extreme. Old fashioned, but not extreme. You’d need to refer anyone who thinks that mums should be SAHMs and not work. Or that women should not serve in the military.

@Maray1967 I think those opinions are completely different from preventing 4 year olds from playing with each other due to their sex

It’s fairly normal for kids to go through a phase of playing with kids of the same sex. It’s hardly extremist.

School will not touch this with a bloody barge pole if you make the suggestion it's related to religion.
I don't like this myself but I think what can anyone do here.
The school will learn quickly what their views are and it's on them to challenge it, if they dare to in this climate.

That's if that's what is going on.

All I would do is educate your own child according to your values.

Tell him you don't agree and that he can play with anyone who wants to play with him. Does he have other friends to play with if she no longer wants to play with him?

Wow, I've heard it all now! Prevent referral? Really!

@OceanStorm Prevent has a list of the British values. One of them is to respect the religions and beliefs of others.

Maybe I should report you for going against British values

For wanting 4 year olds to not be segregated? Go for it

@OceanStorm Your problem with them is nothing to do with segregation. Would you report a white non Muslim family for saying the same?

I don't think they would say the same. It's a cultural and religious view.

Some children are segregated for their whole education in single sex schools. This has been a part of British life since education began.

@5128gap yes secondary school for learning purposes. Not for playing at 4 years old

This is a great point. I immediately went straight to ' this is a religious thing ' in my head. And then thought,how do I know. Kids do and say all sorts and that statement could come from a multitude of thoughts a child has. How quickly I went straight to a reactive response. Funny that right now.

The more time I spend on here the more I question every post and it's source and why these posts are popping up.

Is this a viable thing to think or is it time to get me some meds?? 🤷‍♀️😆

Why does it have to be down to the fact the child is Muslim though? They’re 5 and sometimes 5 year olds choose to do odd things or unkind things like refuse to let other children join in their game. I’d cringe myself inside out if I saw someone confront another child’s parents over this.

Whatever the purpose it demonstrates that seeing a value in separating children on the basis of sex is as much a British thing as it is in any other culture.

Tell your son that it’s nonsense and there’s no such thing as boy things or girl colours or any of that stuff.

Tell them they can play with whomever they want to.

If you want to speak to the school, come at it with a sense of engagement and collaboration, not attacking another religion.

My son once told me pink was a girls’ colour. I corrected him and told him anyone who told him there were things only for boys or only for girls was an idiot.

We regularly have open discussions about sexism in our household.

You don’t need to change the other family’s beliefs, you need to make sure your own moral code is stronger to your son.

Nope. Many single sex private prep schools down to 4 and 5 year olds too.

So? Parents deciding to segregate their children for schooling reasons (such as better outcomes for girls in single sex settings) isn’t the same as children being taught ‘girls should only play with girls’.