AIBU to speak to parents or school about this?

[OceanStorm]

DS is in reception and came home today saying a girl he has been good friends with since nursery has said their mum has told her 'girls play with girls and boys play with boys'. The family are Muslim and have seemed nice up until then.

AIBU to say something to school or parents?

I’m not suggesting it is. What I’m saying, in support of a PP who pointed it out, is that segregating children is perfectly within British values. It’s not some weird foreign thing as OP seems to think.

Fucking hell only on Mumsnet can a conversation between 4 year olds lead to a Prevent referral! 🤣

@BallerinaRadio I was surprised too! Usually everything is a safeguarding issue. We've reached the next level now

@cardibach well this isn't a single sex prep. Maybe they should have gone to one

My white English brother would absolutely say the same, and said it to his kids. (He also threw an extremely undignified tantrum when his son picked a 'girls' Happy meal once, but that's another story). In the long run, the kids paid no attention.

You’re missing the point. Lots of British people are entirely happy for their children to be segregated by sex, so it’s not against British values. That’s the only point being made here.

I see. So telling one's daughter 'girls play with girls' is anti British. Yet telling one's son that 'boys are educated with boys...because...well there's no evidence it will improve your outcomes and may actually reduce them...but...reasons..' is a long standing tradition amongst the British great and good?

@cardibach difference is it's an option rather than rule

Agree with pp - this doesn't need to be made into a religious issue. As a parent who had to speak to the school about another boy repeatedly telling my son that dancing was 'gay' (5 years old, for context), I can confirm that backwards attitudes towards sex can creep up at any time.

This is just another thing that you have to navigate with your child, op. It won't be the last time he hears this.

It’s not against British values. And it’s not very optional to the child sent to one, is it?

@cardibach well I think it is hence the referral

You’ve actually made a referral?
Thats very extreme itself, as pointed out by a PP.

This is why people think MN is bonkers.

I really don't know what you would be reporting. Lots of kids will say they don't want to play with the opposite sex. We don't even know the child's mum said this!
If the child is saying this in school then it will be addressed by staff.
Children can find all sorts of reasons not to play with someone, I had to speak to some boys recently for saying one friend couldn't play as only boys with hats could play 🙄
I think you are focusing on the religious aspect when many non religious people share similar beliefs (boys play with boys, boys play with boys toys and definitely not dolls).

Don’t be ridiculous! Of course you don’t report this to anyone!!

For starters, you’ve heard this third hand and it’s passed through two 4 year olds before it has gotten to you. It may be that the parents didn’t actually say it that way.

And secondly, just tell your son that it’s not true and he can play with whomever he wants and move on

God if I had to report every nonsense thing my DS’ friends have said to him at school I would never have the time to do anything else

Seriously - do not say anything to anyone! There will be plenty of shit to speak to the school about, over the years your kids are there, but don't make THIS a thing! Because it isn't.

I agree with you but unfortunately noone dares to deal with islamic fundamentalism. What you can do is send your son in with some bacon crisps and lgbt stickers to share.

arcticpandas
"What you can do is send your son in with some bacon crisps and lgbt stickers to share."

Well you could do that if you were an idiot.

Ah, ok, I didn’t read it that way.

I agree and add that the little sexism I’ve encountered around young kids (not a lot - progressive London borough) has been from all sorts - definitely not seen it more from Muslims or any other faith than I have from white Brits.

You have a very long road at school ahead of you.

As others have said, it’s a very old fashioned viewpoint, but not uncommon in the UK. What specifically drew you to their religion (was it mentioned?) and strong words like “segregation” - sounds like they're in a mixed primary?

Please don't waste the school's time with a second hand report from a 5 year old of something another 5 year old has said! Even if this does turn out to be actually the girls mother's sentiment, you will sound at best unhinged at worst racially prejudiced. As a number of previous posters have suggested you don't have to be Muslim to be a misogynist!

No, I don’t agree that telling a kid they should only play with people of their sex is against British values or anything other than stupid nonsense.

There are plenty of studies that show that single sex education is better for girls (but worse for boys), especially when it comes to STEM.

If you can’t see the difference between the first, entirely arbitrary opinion on appropriate friendships and the second, evidence-based choice some parents make on schooling, that’s for you to work on.

You’ve made a referral based on something your reception age child said someone in his class says their parent said?! One of my children at that age told their teachers and friends all kinds of garbage that they’d either totally misconstrued from what I actually said, applied what I said to a different context or just flat out invented stuff in their head.

Even if the reported comment was accurate I’d say it was hardly a prevent level issue, but given it’s hearsay of hearsay I think you’re ridiculous. Just pass on your values to your child and encourage him to play with whoever he wants to.

Make sure you don’t get the bacon crisps that have no bacon in, though.

And be sure to remove any trans stickers, amirite, ladies??

You could also consider sending your kid in a white hood for book day. Although I guess you’ve probably burnt all the books by now.

im struggling to see what the issue is? if DS is in reception we are talking what 4 or 5 years old at best are you sure they have actually recounted the story correctly.

and even if they have, which i doubt, if the other parent really wants their child to only play with the same sex as them, whats wrong with that?