AIBU to speak to parents or school about this?

[OceanStorm]

DS is in reception and came home today saying a girl he has been good friends with since nursery has said their mum has told her 'girls play with girls and boys play with boys'. The family are Muslim and have seemed nice up until then.

AIBU to say something to school or parents?

You agree that this falls under prevent referral criteria? You seriously think a four-year-old is being radicalised and is at risk of terrorist activity based on the fact that OP's own (very young) child said that this child said that his patent said "girls play with girls and boys play with boys". As if they don't. As if it means that parents prevented them from playing together. As if it means that the little girl is now going to plan travelling to Syria... Seriously!

They're going to laugh so hard at this, they may even stick it on the office wall.

And if despite it being explained by myself and another poster, you can't see that my point was that sex segregation of children is part of British culture and therefore not, as the OP claimed 'anti British'; and if the nuance of something being based in the same principle, despite not being identical in every regard is beyond you -well you too have work to do before you try to patronise me.

Sex segregation is not ‘part of British culture’.

Segregation in some school settings, whilst historically rooted in misogyny, does have a positive benefit for girls’ results.

You are incorrect when you suggest the OP’s situation and sex-segregated schooling is ‘based on the same principle’.

The OP is suggesting that an often misogynist religion / cultural background has led to her child not being welcome to play with a female friend.

That is not ‘the same principle’ as choosing a single sex school to improve your girls’ educational attainment.

I’d suggest the OP’s situation is (in their mind, at least) almost entirely the opposite principle. What with the Abrahamic religions (or the cultural interpretations of them) all having varying issues with women, and all.

FFS, they are kids, four year olds at that. Stop looking for trouble it's not unusual.
Report if you must, but I think you are a idiot looking for trouble.

I hope you’re joking. This would be a terrible waste of limited resources.

You keep referring to single sex education for girls. In my example I referred to single sex education for boys, which does not improve outcomes. This is very much part of British culture and appears to have no educational benefit, so presumably is chosen merely because parents want their sons educated exclusively with other boys. Which is also sex segregation without justification, and arguably also rooted in historic sexism that said boys needed a different (superior, more academic, more physical) education than girls.

I disagree that it’s part of British culture anymore than any other culture. Boys’ schools predate girls’ schools because it was only deemed necessary or appropriate to educate boys in any great numbers. Once educating girls became a bit more acceptable, they were kept separate and the curriculum tailored to the different sexes.

The hangover we see today of segregated schools is because the most prestigious schools tend to be historically segregated. Where is the evidence that parents choose these schools because they want their boys segregated? I would assume any educated parent of boys would be aware of the studies that suggest boys often do better in mixed setting - but choose the single sex school because of other reasons (prestige, history, connections etc).

But again, I don’t agree that segregation of education is an inherent part of British culture, beyond the usual historical misogyny that is the same the world over.

You're right.

Also this is a mixed sex school so wanting your child to only play with one sex goes against the premise of a mixed sex school and thus British values

As someone who has actually had to make Prevent referrals as part of my job, I can wholeheartedly assure you that this is not sufficient evidence for a referral. Nowhere near.

All schools are required by law to promote the fundamental British values of:

• democracy
• the rule of law
• individual liberty
• mutual respect and tolerance of those with different faiths and beliefs

Explain how wanting a child to only play with other children of the same sex is at odds with any of these values, to such an extent you are bringing Prevent into it - intended to identify those at risk of radicalisation, extremism, being drawn into terrorism and the like. You are making yourself sound utterly ridiculous.

If (big if) this child’s parents have actually said they want them to only play with children of the same sex then that’s up to them. You can disagree with it, but it’s no different to disagreeing with bringing up a child to be vegan or to believe in a particular religion. I wouldn’t expect school to insist a child complies with that parental preference while the child is at school, but I wouldn’t expect school to do much to stop it either.

The only reason I might bring this up with school is if it’s resulting in my own child being treated unkindly, other children refusing to be their partner or my child was being excluded from their friendship group - at that point it’s reasonable to ask a teacher to intervene, in the same way they might in any other bullying type situation. But I wouldn’t be bringing prevent into it.

for clarity, I disagree that this has anything to do with British culture.

It’s old-fashioned, sexist nonsense but to suggest it’s ’anti-British’ is a stretch and some might believe it is dog-whistle Islamophobia.