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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To carry 8 year old Dd?

97 replies

tentotwotwenty · 09/03/2025 21:23

Went out with some friends and their dc today, long day and lots of walking so Dp ended up carrying 8 year old dd on his back at the end. One friend strongly commented twice that she was too big and didn’t need to be carried at her age as she wasn't a baby.

Obviously she doesn’t need to be carried
and is perfectly capable of walking but she wanted to be and she isn’t too big, DP can carry her easily, I can easily carry her.

Its really annoyed me especially as she worded these comments to dd not us. I can’t understand the motivation other than wanting to embarrass and upset dd.
Surely she wasn’t actually concerned she was hurting DP or being damaged by being carried at 8.

Is it unreasonable to still carry an 8 year old occasionally?

OP posts:

Hengaoxingrenshini · 09/03/2025 21:28

Not unreasonable in the slightest, ignore them. For me this a choose your battle moment, why make an issue if she wants to be arrived and DP is happy to do it.

Similar thing in the supermarket yesterday, a probs 6-7 year old in the trolley, lots of disapproval, in the grand scheme of life does it matter, most likely not!

crocheteveryday · 09/03/2025 21:30

My youngest is 6 and I can't remember the last time we carried him anywhere. I don't see any of his friends being carried either. So I'd say it's pretty unusual. Having said that, what you do with your child is up to you. There was no need for your friend to comment.

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 09/03/2025 21:31

My 9 year old would happily grab a piggyback from DH if she was tired after lots of walking. I don’t give her them though, she’s too tall now.

ouipamplemousse · 09/03/2025 21:32

There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it, except she isn’t really developing her stamina and fitness. A day of walking would not be a problem for any of the active 8 year olds I know, in fact they’d probably cope much better than the adults.

ETA: I do think your friend was rude to comment and try to interfere though.

Darkdiamond · 09/03/2025 21:32

My 7 year old always gets tired on long walks and my husband puts her on his shoulders. Sometimes she'll even go in the toddler's buggy if the toddler wants to walk!

hereismydog · 09/03/2025 21:34

I would because one day, she won’t want to be carried anymore. My DS is only a tiny baby just now but I will hold him and carry him for as long as he wants me to.

She’s still your baby, just a bit bigger now! Carry her if that’s what you and she want to do, and bollocks to your ‘friend’ 😌

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 09/03/2025 21:40

My dd is almost 6 and has autism

I carry her on my shoulders as it makes her happy

I've had some comments as well, I think people are being so weird 🙄🙄

I will say though that dd is tall and im just over 5ft 😅 so that could be it

Yanbu and dd sounds like she had a lovely day with her parents x

polinkhausive · 09/03/2025 21:47

l wouldn't have said anything to you - that was rude - but I do think 8 is well beyond being carried age.

I have an 8 year old and it wouldn't occur to me

Gundogday · 09/03/2025 21:48

Lots of kids have piggy backs. That wouldn’t concern me.

The only bit of your post that did concern me (and I may be reading too much into this) is that she said she wanted to be carried. It sounded like you didn’t give her the option of walking and just submitted to her demands of being carried.

I don’t think the comments were aimed at dd to embarrass her, but she was probably surprised that she was being carried. They were probably more aimed at you and do for carrying her. Out if curiosity, how old were the other dc on the walk?

Thingsthatgo · 09/03/2025 22:12

I wouldn't have said anything, but I might have quietly judged! Unless an 8 year old has some additional needs I would encourage them to walk on their own.

Parker231 · 09/03/2025 22:14

How far had you walked? I wouldn’t have carried our DC’s at eight years old as they were good walkers and didn’t have any issues.

Blondebrownorred · 09/03/2025 22:18

I'd be surprised at seeing an 8 year old being carried tbh.

StSwithinsDay · 09/03/2025 22:23

DH often gave our kids a piggy back at that age when they were tired after a lot of walking - both boys and girls. No judgement here.

Original poster

tentotwotwenty · 09/03/2025 22:28

She's very active and it wasn't the fact that she was physically exhausted and couldn't walk any more, she could easily have but was a bit tired and bored with the day by then and it's just fun to be carried.

But even if her legs hurt and she needed a break, who cares?

OP posts:

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/03/2025 22:30

I don't think she should be carried but I would not have said that as it's none of my business.

I work with young kids and it really annoys me when some parents carry them all of about 30 steps from the car to the school. Those kids are always the ones who are way behind in self care skills because if parents think the child can't walk at 3 or 4 you can be sure they think the child can't do a lot of other things. It leads to difficult demanding and incompetent children who have low self esteem. There has also been a trend in recent years of children being way behind in physical development especially strength and stamina because they are in buggies too long and don't get much free outdoor time. So in general no I do not think a child needs to be carried unless they have additional needs and I'm not terribly surprised that a comment was made.

Dramatic · 09/03/2025 22:39

I wouldn't have said anything directly to you but I'd have silently judged a bit. I do think 8 is a bit too old to be carried, I certainly didn't carry mine at that age. I really struggled to carry them at all past about age 4.

Eldermilleniallyogii · 09/03/2025 22:41

It sounds unusual for an 8 year old to need to be carried but if you're all happy it's not anyone else's business

0ohLarLar · 09/03/2025 22:42

Ive got an 8 year old and i can't imagine carrying them unless they'd hurt them
self or something, they'd be mortified for one. We've done some really long walks and they have never really protested the walking (would definitely ask for snacks & drinks though).

My DC is really quite tall & heavy, i can't imagine carrying them any distance.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/03/2025 22:46

I admire your strength and stamina. I can’t carry DD5 far at all but I’m short and she’s tall so her legs dangle by my knees. I also have a toddler DS who I have to carry a lot so DD wouldn’t think to ask.

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 09/03/2025 22:46

By the sounds of it she didn’t necessarily need it, it was just enjoyable. Bit sad to be considered too old for a fun piggy back when you’re only 8. My 9 year old dd loves a piggy back from her dad. He’s super tall so she loves it. She’s quite capable of walking and hikes lots but would never say no being high up in a piggy back for a few minutes. I don’t give her them though, she’s too big for me to carry for long. Luckily dd isn’t the type to care too much if other people judged her for having fun so she wouldn’t be mortified at all

Dragonsandcats · 09/03/2025 22:49

Surely a piggy back is just a bit of fun? I don’t see what’s wrong with it/why others would care

Needanewnameidea · 09/03/2025 22:57

I wouldn’t have said anything, but I’d have metaphorically raised an eyebrow. Unless there’s a disability involved I can’t understand why you’d carry a child over toddler age. I could barely lift my kids at eight much less carry them any distance and I think they need to develop stamina for walking (physical and mental), which includes dealing with being a bit tired and bored. As someone who’s volunteered on youth club type trips it is obvious some children just aren’t expected to get on with it and walk places regardless of discomfort and those kids get a bit of a shock when their parents aren’t there to carry their stuff or be handed their discarded jacket, much less carry child themselves!

But if your DH is up for doing it I would have kept my thoughts to myself. I think it’s particularly unreasonable to direct comments at your child who is only doing what she’s been allowed and encouraged to do.

EndlessTreadmill · 09/03/2025 23:05

It could be because then the other person's children might ask to be carried, and that creates problems if they don't want to.
That would be a fair explanation - like when one parent buys an ice cream for their kid, and the other parents then have to do the same.
Or, that person wanted a conversation with your DH, and your DD was interfering with that.
I have a DD 9 and wouldn't carry her, unless she had hurt herself or something - I think it's important they build fitness and endurance.

TheWonderhorse · 09/03/2025 23:06

I have a tiny 9 year old who likes sitting in trolleys and I piggy back her sometimes. There's a weird thing people have about carrying. If a child sat on a bench for five minutes that would be fine, but getting a piggy back from her Dad is something to judge? What's the difference?

plsd · 09/03/2025 23:11

When you first said "Carried" I did think that sounded strange for an 8 yo.

However if it was a piggy back I really don't see the issue. My 10yo still loves a piggy back

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