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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To carry 8 year old Dd?

97 replies

tentotwotwenty · 09/03/2025 21:23

Went out with some friends and their dc today, long day and lots of walking so Dp ended up carrying 8 year old dd on his back at the end. One friend strongly commented twice that she was too big and didn’t need to be carried at her age as she wasn't a baby.

Obviously she doesn’t need to be carried
and is perfectly capable of walking but she wanted to be and she isn’t too big, DP can carry her easily, I can easily carry her.

Its really annoyed me especially as she worded these comments to dd not us. I can’t understand the motivation other than wanting to embarrass and upset dd.
Surely she wasn’t actually concerned she was hurting DP or being damaged by being carried at 8.

Is it unreasonable to still carry an 8 year old occasionally?

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 09/03/2025 23:31

I wouldn't have carried my DD at 8, but mainly because she was very tall and heavy for her age so I couldn't have done it even if she'd asked.

Unless the 8 year old child was small for their age, I'd find it unusual for them to be carried but I wouldn't say anything. It's not me doing the carrying!

BigSilly · 09/03/2025 23:53

It's weird and infantilising, not as weird as the parent putting a 9 year old in a shopping trolley though.

zeddybrek · 10/03/2025 00:00

Your friend is rude and should keep her parenting opinions to herself.

My DD is 8 and I carry her if she gets tired. It only happens rarely but I love it and I tell her I would love to carry her more because it feels like a long hug to me.

Yes at that age they are probably too big to be carried but so what!? There are more important things in life to worry about. A minor point in the grand scheme of things.

BigSilly · 10/03/2025 00:08

zeddybrek · 10/03/2025 00:00

Your friend is rude and should keep her parenting opinions to herself.

My DD is 8 and I carry her if she gets tired. It only happens rarely but I love it and I tell her I would love to carry her more because it feels like a long hug to me.

Yes at that age they are probably too big to be carried but so what!? There are more important things in life to worry about. A minor point in the grand scheme of things.

You need to let her grow up, and stop pretending she is a baby for your own selfish needs.

GiddyCrab · 10/03/2025 00:09

Far too old to be carried.
I wouldn't be babying an 8 year old without additional needs in this way.

zeddybrek · 10/03/2025 00:16

@BigSilly

OP and I are talking about occasionally carrying a young child. Not raising a child to be carried on a regular basis. I used the word rarely i.e. 2-3 times a year. I'd rather my daughter be honest with me and feel comfortable telling me how she is feeling especially if she is feeling more tired than usual.

My DD happily goes for long hikes with us and does sports 4-5 times a week. She is very fit for her age. Multiple teachers words not mine.

I think the word 'occasionally' is being missed.

Snorlaxo · 10/03/2025 00:24

My first thought was that she was afraid that her kids would want to be carried too and she wanted to avoid that scenario by getting your dd to walk before her kids commented.

I think it’s unusual but only occasional so surprising that she’d comment on it.

Yerblues · 10/03/2025 00:29

All these po faced judgemental people who think you shouldn’t give a tired 8 year old a piggy back. Seriously?

Allshadowlylined · 10/03/2025 00:40

I wouldn’t carry a perfectly capable 8 year old. No.

splendidpickle · 10/03/2025 00:43

I'm really surprised by most of these comments. If 8 year olds are too old for the occasional piggy back, then what's the age cut off where it stops being acceptable? Or does everyone just think piggy backs are some woke new invention for snowflakes? Because this is bizarre. Surely an 8 year old can be carried occasionally.
I can only assume that the other mum didn't want her kid to ask to be carried too so she decided to deal with it by attempting to shame your daughter.

UniversalOutrage · 10/03/2025 00:45

My son died. Do whatever you need to do for your child and sod anyone else’s opinion as it doesn’t matter anywhere close to the bond we have with our children.

comfyshoes2022 · 10/03/2025 01:25

Piggy back rides are fun at any age! Super annoying comments from your friend.

thrifty24 · 10/03/2025 01:33

I think the duration of the carry is what we need here. Was it a short piggy back to get back to the car or a lengthy carry where other kids were managing fine?

JFDIYOLO · 10/03/2025 01:44

I'm starting to think that unless she was injured, it was a bit unreasonable to carry her.

Building strength, stamina, muscle, heart lung capacity etc is all happening in childhood and is good for her. Encourage her to walk.

Them saying it to her tho? That was totally unreasonable.

plsd · 10/03/2025 06:24

Yerblues · 10/03/2025 00:29

All these po faced judgemental people who think you shouldn’t give a tired 8 year old a piggy back. Seriously?

Exactly!! Only on MN

olympicsrock · 10/03/2025 06:28

Too old to be carried. You are babying her.

RIPVPROG · 10/03/2025 06:34

I'm impressed you can carry her. DS is six and over 4ft albeit not exceptionally heavy at under 3.5 stone. I can carry him a very short distance if needed eg when he's taken his shoes off on as long drive and it's raining I might carry him to the house when we get home, but I can't carry him upstairs anymore arms and legs everywhere, I think he might be taller than my mum by the time he's 8 (she's short).

polinkhausive · 10/03/2025 06:38

tentotwotwenty · 09/03/2025 22:28

She's very active and it wasn't the fact that she was physically exhausted and couldn't walk any more, she could easily have but was a bit tired and bored with the day by then and it's just fun to be carried.

But even if her legs hurt and she needed a break, who cares?

Maybe your DD is very light and your DH very strong but my 8 year old is a normal weight, DH reasonably fit and the main reason he wouldn't is it seems like a poor idea to risk a slipped disc to assuage an 8 year old basically having a strop

Aparecium · 10/03/2025 06:49

A dad and daughter having fun together - how lovely.

A dad recognising his daughter needs a little attention - how lovely.

WonderingWanda · 10/03/2025 06:54

Lots of unnecessary judgement on this thread. It's no one else's business. Mine were likely too tall and heavy by that age to be carried....I really can't remember but I am sure the youngest got piggy backs for a long time when flagging on walks.

pilates · 10/03/2025 06:55

Personally I wouldn’t as would be frightened of back strain/pulling a muscle.

MummaMummaMumma · 10/03/2025 06:58

What kid doesn't love a piggy back?! I have many happy memories of my dad giving me them.
My husband even gives me one now, occasionally, for fun!
Your friend is the weird one.

SemperIdem · 10/03/2025 07:01

Initially I thought you meant carried baby/toddler style, on the hip, which would have been a bit odd.

I think a piggyback is fine though.

My daughter is 9 and very petite, could easily do the same myself, my husband even more so.

Girasoli · 10/03/2025 07:03

I'm impressed at your carrying ability, my 8 year old is up to my chin and I wouldn't be able to carry him very far!

Having said that DS2 (5) spent most of our recent weekend away....City break/lots of walking...on DHs shoulders.

PurpleThistle7 · 10/03/2025 07:08

I think your friend was jealous. I am in no way strong enough to carry my kids and they can run circles around me anyway.

Just shrug it off - if it was as long and exhausting a day as it sounds, she was probably tired too and just said something stupid. Maybe her kids were annoyed she couldn't do the same for them. I wouldn't spend any time thinking about it to be honest.