To carry 8 year old Dd?

[tentotwotwenty]

Went out with some friends and their dc today, long day and lots of walking so Dp ended up carrying 8 year old dd on his back at the end. One friend strongly commented twice that she was too big and didn’t need to be carried at her age as she wasn't a baby.

Obviously she doesn’t need to be carried
and is perfectly capable of walking but she wanted to be and she isn’t too big, DP can carry her easily, I can easily carry her.

Its really annoyed me especially as she worded these comments to dd not us. I can’t understand the motivation other than wanting to embarrass and upset dd.
Surely she wasn’t actually concerned she was hurting DP or being damaged by being carried at 8.

Is it unreasonable to still carry an 8 year old occasionally?

The only thing I'm judging is your strength 💪, with admiration. Wish I could carry an 8 year old!

On the face if it there's nothing wrong with this and others should keep their beaks out. But I wonder whether in a group and with other children around it looked out of step for her age and instead of saying to you, why are you happy for your child to look unusual they directed the comment to your child. It takes a village and all that and sometimes we need an outside influence.

Nothing wrong with giving a quick piggy back at the end of a day of walking. I'm assuming nothing that would cause awkwardness, such as DD wearing a short dress and having her knickers on show. Is your partner her dad? If he's not, maybe your friends are projecting and have some hang-up about a man touching bodies with a non-related little girl, no matter how innocent. Maybe they're just judgemental and should keep their opinions to themselves, who knows.

I'm surprised she couldn't last the walk.

However, we'd still give piggy backs for fun anyway. Won't be long and she won't want to do stuff like that,mad you'll never get that time back.

I carry DS (a very tall but slim 7 year old) on my shoulders or give him a piggyback if he's very tired. I have no intention of stopping when he gets to 8. Carrying him when he's tired means we can do longer hikes up bigger mountains.

I carry my autistic 10 year old so there's no age in it for me. I don't have typical parenting standards. All that matters if whether you can carry them and want to and they like it. So what? It's a non issue.

My very active, superfit just-turned 9yo yesterday got 2 piggybacks- one from DH and one from DS - during a long walk. Her legs are half the length of the rest of ours and she just wanted a break (and the fun of it). Why anyone would have a problem with that is utterly puzzling to me!

I carried my 7 year old on Saturday for around 30 minutes in a crowd of people. I didn't think anything of it and couldn't care less what anyone else thought.

I don't put her in there because she won't walk though, she enjoys it. Why not? She's fit and active, she just happens to enjoy being wheeled around. There is no rush to take all the joy out of childhood, and no harm at all in letting them indulge in some unnecessary fun.

I sometimes carry my seven year old and so does my husband. We realised he mainly asks to be carried in crowded places/when he is overwhelmed from a sensory point of view. He also likes connection with us. I carry him if I am able. He won’t ask forever!

I have many photographs of me on my father's back and shoulders well beyond the age of 9. I remember him carrying me with his arms too. I still grew up to be a marathoner/hiker/cyclist who is ablr yo walk. I have a 6yo and whilst I rarely carry him now, I can see many situations where I would briefly, probably beyond the age of 8.

It all depends on the context. Child rarely carried asking for a one off occasionally? Fine. Child who whines every time they have to use their legs and parent gives in and carries? Not good.

If there was a huge amount of walking and 8yo was no bother to be carried by piggy back, then it’s no-one business but your own.

Piggyback for play is of course fine, but the implication here is that the ride was given because the child was tired
'Went out with some friends and their dc today, long day and lots of walking'
An 8 year old should be able to walk as far as an adult, if they can't then that's something to work on!

She asked her dad for a piggyback.

Why would you say she was having a strop?

Because the OP said the DD was a bit tired and bored with the day by then

I got the sense the DD was whining and that's why she got the piggyback

I can't carry my 8 year old as he is too tall now but I probably would if I could tbh

I didn't carry my children at that age and tbh I can't even remember when I last carried my 5 year old (but he is autistic and just doesn't ever run out of energy).
Up to you and I wouldn't have said anything but I would have been surprised as I think 8 is too old to be carried.

At that age you don't do it out of necessity, you do it out of love and closeness. Children grow up so fast and soon you can't carry them anymore, if you are able to and want to there is no need to hasten the process.

Most mornings I lift my 7 year old from her bunk bed. She doesn't need it but it is a nice cuddle for both of us. I cherish any time sje wants med close.

It’s totally fine and the friend was being an overly judgy berk in this instance.

Who makes a point of criticising a family for giving their kid a piggy back?! Weird.

I didn't carry my 8 year old. I wouldn't think it is a big deal if someone else did though. I do think it is unusual but not a problem.

Did friend have similar age kids who may be wanting carried? Otherwise I can see why she would care.

One of my children used to get tired and want a piggy back. It ended quite naturally and now as an adult she's a keen hiker. Another DC often complained of joint pain and as an adult has been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Was always active and had lots of hobbies which sadly she's rarely able to do now. I say people shouldn't judge.

It all depends on the context. Child rarely carried asking for a one off occasionally? Fine. Child who whines every time they have to use their legs and parent gives in and carries? Not good

This. It's fine as a one-off and not for too far. We used to give our kids occasional piggy backs for fun, and never for more than a few minutes. It didn't mean they couldn't walk further if they had to.

That said, I'm a cub leader, volunteering with 8 to 10 year olds. We often go on very long hikes, day trips, or weekend camps, where the kids (and leaders!) are on their feet for many hours at a time. The kids would never be given a piggy back (unless in an emergency, and even then only as a last resort). They all manage fine, even if they are tired, so IMO most 8 year olds do not need to be carried. But occasionally for fun is fine with your own child.

As others have said it depends on context and how long. I am shocked that you or your partner are able to carry her for any significant period of time! I have a 7 year old and while we may offer a short piggy back from from house to car/across wet patch etc or put on our shoulders for a firework display, neither of us have the capacity to carry them for an extended period without ending up with a sore back. We are both pretty fit as adults too and weight train regularly!

I would not bother commenting on how another family handles it though - if my child were to complain their friend was being carried, I would simply tell them I dont have the strength to.

The disapproving looks are because it is disgusting - people don't want to put their food in a trolley where some ignorant parent has haplessly allowed their children to sit in whilst wearing shoes that they've worn outdoors.

Thankfully we don't see it much at all but if my child were to question another child sitting in one, I would have no issue in loudly telling them how disgusting it is

As is your right! And my right to say it doesn't bother me.