DD’s nightmare flatmate.

[Timble]

Hi all,
do you know if landlords or agents have a responsibility to protect tenants?
do tenants have any rights at all?

my DD is in her third year. Living with three lovely girls and one who they are all terrified of.
she has locked them all out, refusing to let them in (I wasn’t told until the next day and told DD she should have rang the police at the time). She’s rude, threatening. Makes a lot of noise in the middle of the night. She keeps calling the girls racist (there has been no racist comments towards this girl aside from this girl constantly calling them ‘stupid white girls’ or similar. She messages the girls regularly to tell them to stay out of her way or they’ll regret it. To shut up and be quiet or she’ll make them. (No loud noises, they’re all in their third year and studying hard/on placements). All the other girls now want to move out as they can’t face living with her anymore. I just can’t believe we have to pay and even though they’ve reported this girl to the estate agents and they’ve had meetings nothing has changed. They believe this girl has been kicked out of uni and hasn’t paid rent but they don’t have proof.

my DD is 20 and she manages most issues herself/with the other flatmates but currently she’s had enough and needs help.
I guess it’s not really an AIBU but can we refuse to pay last terms rent or we pay and chalk this up to a horrendous experience? No idea where dd will live if she moves out!!

thank you xx

You are very quick to label others insane, aren’t you?

For me the insanity is being totally unable to take any constructive action or to seek advice from anywhere other than on MN.

And I didn’t say you made it up. I am
saying that they may have felt intimidated by this girl from the off and that her actions may be in response to that. Make of that what you will. It is just another pov. You can take it or leave it but there is no reason to become offensive with me just because I have said something you don’t like.

people have pointed out her texts saying they should watch their backs but what else has she done to threaten them? Hit them? Oh she locked the kitchen while she was cooking. Sounds like she might be the frightened one.

Contact CAB or an advocacy agency local to where DD is and get started with communication with the landlord / whoever is in charge of the tenancy. It’s not their job to make peace but it is their job to ensure safety and wellbeing for all tenants - it will be no skin off their back to remove one as they would fill the space with another. But get an authoritative agency like CAB or similar involved to support with this and highlight DDs rights. It is also worth encouraging DD to speak with GP / uni mental health nurse, so that a covering letter can be provided to highlight impact on her mental health & studies.

She used to call her dad every morning at 5am on speaker (my dd is in the next room) she heard her telling her dad how she’s been treating the others and he didn’t care at all so possibly he thinks her behaviour is not bad? Or possibly he’s so glad she’s not living with him!

Somebody mentioned social media, have you checked her out? I would. You might not get any answers but this behaviour isn't normal. Again, I repeat, police.

I agree that she might be frightened. The problem is that people who are frightened, and possibly paranoid, can lash out and become aggressive. It doesn’t sound like she is able to communicate her fears, and the flatmates are now scared of her. It really does feel like somebody else needs to step in now.

would you think is ok to be threatened? if someone told you in your home not to breathe near them or you’ll be sorry you’d think this is ok? Acceptable? If you’re fine with that kind of behaviour that’s down to you but based on almost everyone else in this thread not many people feel that way about being threatened. It’s not normal. Not even a little bit.

Do frightened people tend to act this way?

She has a Snapchat which they shared at first. Dd said she posted about how her bf cheated on her with her best friend and posted lots about how they better watch out and they’ll get what’s coming but obv that may not be too unusual for someone who’s been cheated on or betrayed. They don’t know if she has any friends and she had no one to live with in her third year (not sure who she lived with in years 1 and 2)

I think it’s just going to be tricky as they all finish uni around the beginning of June. I don’t think they’d find anyone else to fill a room for that short amount of time

It's good that your DD is staying with her bf's family right now. Whatever you decide to do re. reporting, you could also consider moving the four girls into a short-term let like an Airbnb if everyone's in agreement. Will they be coming home over the spring holidays, or do they need to stay for their placements? If they're coming home, you'd only need somewhere for about six weeks.

Of course, the best solution would be for the flat mate to leave, but if that's not possible, I'd do whatever you can to get them through their final weeks. Someone (parents?) would probably need to check the flat regularly to ensure that she wasn't trashing it.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't take the 'watch your backs' seriously but it's probably hot air.
Taking a sh1t in full view of everyone, wtf that's some weird animal dominance behavior there
(I'd be raring to go and beat the sh!t out of her, obvs that would be a BAD idea, I hope you're better than me op!)

Give over, @Nmeshed. Do you enjoy being contrary? Kicking a stranger when they're down and asking for help?

I definitely think that they need to speak to Student Support because, as PP's have said, the flat mate could already be on their radar. She may be unwell and not taking her medication, for example. The university may need to inform her parents.

If she’s mentally unwell then I feel incredibly sorry for her, a pp mentioned she could be on the verge of a breakdown, possibly. the other thing she does is sit in the lounge in the dark, curtains drawn eating her dinner. Like pitch black how can she even see her food. Many examples of odd behaviour and if it is a mental health issue I hope she gets help but for now my priority is making sure my daughter is safe. I feel such rage for my daughter that I don’t know how id feel being anywhere hear this girl.

they need to report each threat to police, landlord and student services

This happened to a boyfriend of mine at Uni. His parents paid the rest of his contract as a lump sum and he moved somewhere else for the last few months of the year.

They went though the estate agents. He (and them as guarantors) signed another document saying that he was no longer living there and had an inventory done etc so the deposit was released regardless of the any damage done after that point. From memory that had to wait until when the end of the fixed term would have been to get it back.

Thats what I’d suggest. It’s always possible to ‘buy your way out’ of a contact. If you’re prepared to pay make sure you do it officially and don’t just pay rent in two places. That’s risky.

First, they should all go to the police and lodge a complaint. Either go together or separately, but having multiple complaints should help. Get your daughter to get together with the other flatmates and arrange legal advice. It sounds like there may be a way out if the other girl is not on the lease. Then they need to follow the advice of the police and solicitor.

The phrase 'Schizoid personality disorder' comes into my mind.

I would be the same as you- I'd want my daughter far away from this person. However much sympathy may be warranted on account of her mental ill health it is right and normal that your primary concern is the safety and wellbeing of your daughter.
Those who are being critical and snippy with you @Timble are (imo) right out of order here!

My dc4 has a nutter housemate in her final year. This girl sleeps with a knife. It's an HMO (6 sharers) so no rent issues but I've heard this girl's voice notes and she is very very odd. Just glad I'm not the property manager - poor guy gets almost daily emails insisting he evict one of the boys for using one of her spoons! I see it as character building but it's very hard work! Dd is one of those who takes it in her stride - has three older sibs so quite resilient - but a couple of the other girls find it very stressful.

Dd has contacted the strange girl's uni (not uni of, another one in their city) because they are concerned for her mental health.

Feel for your dd - she should be working hard and having fun, not stressing about a rogue flatmate.

Report her to the police and the local authority. She could get issued an ASBO and this will help evict her.

I'd also report it to the uni. If she's been kicked out they can provide the evidence to the landlord who might be keen to move her out and someone who can pay in.

She sounds mentally disturbed. I'd recommend locks on their room doors.

Yes they can.

Reminds me a bit of dd1's good friend in Y1. A guy shared with her that he'd taken an overdose and wanted to take his life. Unknown to him her brother had taken his own life only a couple of years of earlierwhile at university. Horrible horrible situation. Guy's parents were called. But so much to deal with at an early age. My dd1 was always involved (because of her friend's db) with student nightline and later Samaritans. But kids in student accommodation really just need to get on with their lives. So hard. Am so v v proud knowing some of the things dd1 did to support at uni (not that she talked about it, just in general) but it shouldn't have to happen.

No-one tell me all Millenials or Gen Z are pathetic. There are lots of amazing kids out there.

So in summary OP, your DD was due to move into a house with friends, but one friend dropped out. They could not find a replacement, but the Agent suggested a woman who had dropped into the agency looking for a room to rent.

Your DD and the others agreed to this girl replacing their friend without meeting her or having any contact. Your DD did text the girl suggesting meeting up before all moving in and she replied asking if they were all white. No meet up happened.

Since then the girl has excluded the others from the kitchen when she is cooking, pointed at them at university and laughed, sent texts and told them they should watch their back, talks to herself, is aggressive, once locked them out the house for an hour and laughed behind the door, and is now using the toilet with the door open.

Your DD is so scared of this girl she is staying at her boyfriends. She will not talk to the university or the police, but she has talked to the Agent who had a 1-1 meeting with this girl. None of you know what was said at that meeting.

Some people have suggested you get the Agent to evict her - as others have said that is a lengthy and expensive process.

All your DD can really do is talk to the university and the police. The girl may have mental health problems and be scared of your DD and friends. Your DD and friends may be exaggerating what has happened - black people are often described as aggressive for things white people are not. Some things that happened are open to interpretation.

But if your DD and her friends refuse to involve the university or police there is nothing to do except pay for another place to rent and try and limit your legal liability for any damage or rent owed.

I really hope you’re able to get things sorted. Your poor daughter! As some others have said, I do wonder whether the other girl has mental health issues.