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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband says his not going to deal with 1 year old son

68 replies

Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 07:22

Yesterday morning at half 10 I had a parcel coming. I asked DH if he could watch ds who was still sleeping (wakes up late.) I came back from collecting the parcel and DH said he needed more sleep. He slept til half 12 even though yesterday he was out for a day off for half the day. When he woke up ds was screaming and I was asking DH to get out of bed so we could take ds and dd out. He said, and I quote “I’m not getting out of bed under these circumstances”- meaning ds crying. He said he shouldn’t have to wake up this way. Even after I had gotten them ready, did the morning routine, hand washed the car as it was dirty, been watching them all week as a SAHM until night time because he works late. When I questioned him about his attitude, he called me the disrespectful one and said I only got them ready because I wanted to dress up. Not a thank you in there once. His so disrespectful and I’m ready to leave.

OP posts:
Squeakpopcorn · 09/03/2025 07:24

Sounds like a sensible decision.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/03/2025 07:25

Sounds like you’ve got more than one baby there op.

Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 07:28

BitOutOfPractice · 09/03/2025 07:25

Sounds like you’ve got more than one baby there op.

It feels that way too.

OP posts:
mikado1 · 09/03/2025 07:31

Unless you got am unequivocal a I logy and an explanation for this madness later on, I don't blame you.

DustyLee123 · 09/03/2025 07:32

Ask him how he’ll cope when he’s got the kids 50% of the time.

Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 07:38

DustyLee123 · 09/03/2025 07:32

Ask him how he’ll cope when he’s got the kids 50% of the time.

Poor kids

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 09/03/2025 07:57

I’m not getting out of bed under these circumstances

Ask him if he feels better after his manstrop yesterday or does he feel embarrassed and ashamed as he should be.

Manbaby. diddums poor manbaby can't sleep in when he has young children.

Arsewipe. I'd expect he won't have his kids 50% when you leave, he doesn't sound like he's going to step up.

Don't let that stop you from leaving him in your rearview

Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 07:57

mikado1 · 09/03/2025 07:31

Unless you got am unequivocal a I logy and an explanation for this madness later on, I don't blame you.

Still hasn’t apologised. Adamant I’m in the wrong. I “ shouldn’t have woken him up so early at half 10” is what he said and he will make sure to return the favour when he nexts wants to go out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:01

Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 07:57

Still hasn’t apologised. Adamant I’m in the wrong. I “ shouldn’t have woken him up so early at half 10” is what he said and he will make sure to return the favour when he nexts wants to go out.

Show quote history

Even though, I then let him sleep in for an extra 2 hours and it’s not my fault he goes to sleep so late. I was also in the wrong for arguing with him and saying his a child

OP posts:
mikado1 · 09/03/2025 08:04

It's crazy op. I remember lie ins being 9.30 as the other might have been up since 6am. Obviously if there was a rare big night you'd get a longer lie in but getting up and going back didn't do him any good!
My friend had a similar issue so they made a plan for ensuring both got regular rest and time to themselves. It was v timetabled imo but worked for them.

Namerchangee · 09/03/2025 08:04

Wow. What a Prince among men.

Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:10

Slightly off topic but how have you got your 1 year old to sleep until 10.30?! Mine is up on the stroke of 7 at the latest!

Your H hasn’t got a clue how lucky he is. This is life with young children. A lie in until 10.30 is almost unheard of but 12.30 is unicorn territory.

Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:12

Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:10

Slightly off topic but how have you got your 1 year old to sleep until 10.30?! Mine is up on the stroke of 7 at the latest!

Your H hasn’t got a clue how lucky he is. This is life with young children. A lie in until 10.30 is almost unheard of but 12.30 is unicorn territory.

Edited

It’s not by choice. He is in a sleep regression and likes to wake up a lot during the night. Sometimes stays awake to play.

OP posts:
Rosiesposy · 09/03/2025 08:14

Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:10

Slightly off topic but how have you got your 1 year old to sleep until 10.30?! Mine is up on the stroke of 7 at the latest!

Your H hasn’t got a clue how lucky he is. This is life with young children. A lie in until 10.30 is almost unheard of but 12.30 is unicorn territory.

Edited

Half 6 is a lie in for mine!

IsitaHatOrACat · 09/03/2025 08:15

DustyLee123 · 09/03/2025 07:32

Ask him how he’ll cope when he’s got the kids 50% of the time.

I see this comment a lot and it grates on me

Non-resident parents can do as little parenting as they wish, including none at all. There is no legal route to enforce contact so 50/50 cannot be forced.

Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:16

Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:12

It’s not by choice. He is in a sleep regression and likes to wake up a lot during the night. Sometimes stays awake to play.

Show quote history

Ah I see. Does that mean you are getting less sleep at night too? I’m assuming your husband isn’t doing much to help at night…

Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:18

Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:16

Ah I see. Does that mean you are getting less sleep at night too? I’m assuming your husband isn’t doing much to help at night…

Edited
Show quote history

He has never once woken up with me and ds. He moved out the bedroom so he doesn’t have to listen to him cry from when he was born basically. This is why it’s so irritating when he decides his just checking out. I already do so much including the bedtime routine now as he has started working late.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:18

Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:18

He has never once woken up with me and ds. He moved out the bedroom so he doesn’t have to listen to him cry from when he was born basically. This is why it’s so irritating when he decides his just checking out. I already do so much including the bedtime routine now as he has started working late.

Show quote history

He is*

OP posts:
Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:20

Rosiesposy · 09/03/2025 08:14

Half 6 is a lie in for mine!

Show quote history

I’m told that during the teenage years the challenge can be getting them out of bed. It seems a long time to wait for my next meaningful lie in, but I’ll take it.

crumblingschools · 09/03/2025 08:21

Is working late a choice or a new role?

How old is DD? How much parenting does he do?

Radiatorvalves · 09/03/2025 08:22

And does he choose to go to bed late or does he do shift work etc that means he’s tired? Either way I wouldn’t be staying given that attitude.

rainbowstardrops · 09/03/2025 08:23

Well if you split up, it's not like you're going to miss him much are you

Meadowfinch · 09/03/2025 08:23

Oh, for goodness sake. Tell him he is a bone idle wimp who isn't fit to be a father, and if he doesn't get off his backside and do his fair share at the weekends, he will soon find himself without wife or children.

But then, I'm single. I really can't deal with whining men. Life is much better without one. 😊

Penguinmouse · 09/03/2025 08:25

Leave. He’s sounds absolutely useless.

Whoknowswherethewindsblow · 09/03/2025 08:37

Shsnnsndndfn · 09/03/2025 08:18

He has never once woken up with me and ds. He moved out the bedroom so he doesn’t have to listen to him cry from when he was born basically. This is why it’s so irritating when he decides his just checking out. I already do so much including the bedtime routine now as he has started working late.

Show quote history

Gosh it sounds like you’re doing everything OP. You must be so tired.

It might sound overwhelming but can you start planning your exit, including getting some sort of paid income? He doesn’t sound like the sort of man you’d want to rely on tbh.

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