Husband says his not going to deal with 1 year old son

[Shsnnsndndfn]

Yesterday morning at half 10 I had a parcel coming. I asked DH if he could watch ds who was still sleeping (wakes up late.) I came back from collecting the parcel and DH said he needed more sleep. He slept til half 12 even though yesterday he was out for a day off for half the day. When he woke up ds was screaming and I was asking DH to get out of bed so we could take ds and dd out. He said, and I quote “I’m not getting out of bed under these circumstances”- meaning ds crying. He said he shouldn’t have to wake up this way. Even after I had gotten them ready, did the morning routine, hand washed the car as it was dirty, been watching them all week as a SAHM until night time because he works late. When I questioned him about his attitude, he called me the disrespectful one and said I only got them ready because I wanted to dress up. Not a thank you in there once. His so disrespectful and I’m ready to leave.

well He has well and truly checked out hasn’t he. Working late, arguing and being defensive when he is clearly in the wrong, not helping with childcare and diva behaviour based around what he should air shouldn’t be subjected to. I’d almost say he is pushing you. Any other signs? I don’t know it’s not often I think this but feels like he has something else going on 🤷🏼‍♀️

This.

My DH likes to sleep in as well since he goes to bed late. He's mocking me for going to bed early but I'm in the habit since kids were small. I told him I could stay up with him if he wakes up in the morning so I get a lie in. Discussion closed. Also sahm. It was hard when they were small but now they're older it's easier although older one is autistic so still like a baby in many ways.

Since he is completely useless you will be better off without him.

Leave the lazy, selfish man-baby.

And then they wonder why you don't want to spend time together. The selfishness of men is astounding which is why I have no qualms about focussing only on my kids needs. When he complains I tell him that the kids are my number one priority just like he is his number one priority so I'm the only one not being someone's number one priority. Which is normal : children should always come first.

I very rarely say LTB, but honestly, your 'd'p is taking the piss.

This would be acceptable if he worked night shifts/lates, he was unwell, or an occasional lie in. Otherwise that's not ok.

Does he have other redeeming features? He does most of the housework?! Gives you a lie in the following day?!

What time does he finish work?

He sounds useless as a parent and a shit partner. Seriously OP, I don’t say it often but LTB. Unbelievable attitude to his own child.

I’m a SAHM. He brings home the bacon. That sums it up.

He is has children living in the house.

If they wake up crying or need something and there is no other adult around he needs to tend to them otherwise it is neglect.

He is a selfish immature dickhead.

7 year old children I know are more mature than him when it comes to dealing with younger children.

Men do this because they can get away with it, and it makes their lives easier at the expense of women’s.

That tells you what he thinks of you.

Doesn't matter.

He's their father.

I know and have meet fathers who work and have worked stupid hours but aim to spend time with their children alone including dealing with them when they, themselves, are tired.

Can I ask a question about this - just reflecting on a situation a friend is in. If contact is 50/50 - as agreed in a court, but one parent does not abide by that (think for example disappearing abroad for weeks at a time with no notice) - is that legally enforceable?

He doesn’t value the contribution you bring by caring for your children. I would start looking for a job so you have money and a way out.

This is going in a tangent but I have always found when they’re sleep goes off like this that getting them up at a set time in the morning is essential to getting everything back on track.

Of course it matters.

If he finishes work at 6am, then he’s not BU to need more sleep at 10am.

If he finishes work at 8pm, then he is BU to need more sleep at 10am.

OP said he works late and so no one can determine whether he’s BU unless they know what time he actually gets home.

Nope. Although they should go back with this evidence and get the maintenance revised.

If the resident parent leaves the child alone/unfed/uncared for it's neglect. If the non-resident parent does the same, that's just fine and dandy. And worse, if the resident parent tries to do anything about it that might be construed as alienation or not having the child available, they are the ones in trouble.

It's why I had 'with the child's agreement' written into my residency plan - my line in the sand is I will never force a child to go on a visit (gentle encouragement, support, buying a phone and being there to answer when he finally went with his dad, yes. But force? No)

It’s he’s not his

Yep exactly right.

Bliss in comparison.

Thanks @UpsideDownChairs. I hadn’t realised one parent is always considered to be the resident parent if it’s 50/50. It feels an impossible situation for her and seemingly all about control.

Agree

No ! You cant go ti court and make the other parent take 50/50.
one parent can fight for 50/50 there is cases that you can looses 50/50 but there is no way ever that anyone can be forced to Parent

@Shsnnsndndfn just make you plan focus on that then leave.
Do your online entitle too calculator .
Also figure out how much maintenance he be due for the kids.
Once you have all the info get planning
I wouldn’t even bother to tell him your plans as he may pretend for 5 minutes he has changed but it wouldn’t last.

You’re describing a man child. You’d be much better off going it alone.

Thanks @Imbusytodaysorry. It has already been to court as he wanted 50/50 - so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance- but now isn’t doing it. Of course that is impacting the other parent a lot in terms of being able to work and so on, and I just wondered what the legal situation was on that.