Husband says his not going to deal with 1 year old son

[Shsnnsndndfn]

Yesterday morning at half 10 I had a parcel coming. I asked DH if he could watch ds who was still sleeping (wakes up late.) I came back from collecting the parcel and DH said he needed more sleep. He slept til half 12 even though yesterday he was out for a day off for half the day. When he woke up ds was screaming and I was asking DH to get out of bed so we could take ds and dd out. He said, and I quote “I’m not getting out of bed under these circumstances”- meaning ds crying. He said he shouldn’t have to wake up this way. Even after I had gotten them ready, did the morning routine, hand washed the car as it was dirty, been watching them all week as a SAHM until night time because he works late. When I questioned him about his attitude, he called me the disrespectful one and said I only got them ready because I wanted to dress up. Not a thank you in there once. His so disrespectful and I’m ready to leave.

It can be a bit like awful musical chairs - basically, you can force someone to hand over the kids to you for your part of the 50/50, but you can't force someone to take the kids for their part of the 50/50.

So it's not exactly that one parent is considered the resident parent, more that if you have the kids, there's nothing you can do about having the other parent take their turn.

Did he do the same with your dd? I'll tell you my story and I hope your husband does better but please do not stand for this behaviour, it is totally not how a parent or loving respectful husband/partner behaves. You and your dc deserve better. I had the same with my ex husband, after having 3 dc, and forgiven an affair, I warned him what would happen if he didn't change, 6 months later he was actually surprised when I told him to leave. Preview...stressful divorce, he saw the kids every other weekend, after 2 years finally had them for a week in the holidays, mind you this was made up of swapping weekends for that technically he only 'had' them for a few extra days, this went on for another couple of years and after many things my dc would let slip I stopped contact, he could still message them, it's been 6yrs now. My ds was 21 last week, he heard nothing, my dd is 16 today and nothing. You'd think he'd use these important birthdays to reach out to them but nope, not even on my middle ds's 16th either. Believe me both my dc and myself are better off without him.

If you are married, I would leave him immediately. He is stealing your time, life force and energy. If you arent married finanically a bit harder but make a plan. Life will be easier without him.

Nope, this is wrong on so many levels. The world does not revolve around him. Time to go. Honestly, life is too short. He is rude, lazy, disrespectful, selfish and unkind. He might do paid work but your work is equally significant if not more so. And the fact he earns money doesn’t mean he has a free pass to act like a twat. This is not teamwork or a loving partner. You deserve better.

Your friend needs to update child maintenance and say the split is no longer 50/50.
Has she or can she note down when he’s had the kids and when he hasn’t shown . Id keep this for future reference . (Maintenance team will want to know how many over nights he has the kids )

First thing does any of them get child benefit ?
If they are eligible and it’s say two kids they would get one lot of child benefit each . Friend need to apply for child benefit for all kids as she is then the main carer .

Id log with her solicitor that he isn’t doing his share . See what they say . Your friend could take it back to court to get it looked at again for the kids stability , routine and mental health and also the financial problems it’s causing . She can’t force 50/50 but she can take it away .

Yet another man who doesn’t want to be a father. MN is rife with them this weekend.

Hey a SAHM is demanding, more so because there's no breaks like work, there's no 'time out' from the dc. I worked pt after having 1st ds and went back to work after 2nd ds, again part time, but after dd I became dead in 1 ear so couldn't return to my job and as my 2nd ds was exhibiting very challenging behaviour (he's now diagnosed with ASD, DCD and SPD) we both decided i would be a SAHM, believe me when I say I would prefer working a job than full time SAHM. It doesn't stop, there are no breaks, there is no adult conversation or using your brain for more than planning what to do next with the dc or housework. Never take being a SAHM as an excuse for his excuse for being a poor husband/partner or being a good father.

Thanks for the advice and sorry to slightly derail your thread OP.

Honestly sounds like you'd be better off without your husband if he's not actually going to act like a grown up and do his share.

Look, just save yourself the stress and leave now. The father of your children doesn't give a stuff about them or you. Make sure you get hold of all his financial statements, go and see a solicitor and divorce him. In the mean time save every single penny you can and make sure it is in cash and hidden. Buy all the summer shoes and clothes for the children, Buy a few Christmas presents for the little ones while you are at it. Stock the cupboards with cooking oil, spices and anything else that is expensive, including laundry products. Plan a date to put an end to this farce and work towards it, wether it is a month, 3 months or 6 months away stock your war chest.

That’s horrible. You deserved so much better. What a loser.

No problem!

When I get upset that I was left single with a newborn and read posts like this I don't miss men

Have a ND one. Mine slept midnight till noon from birth. As did I.

Time to change that then. Get your life back, he can pay for childcare and then you can leave him.

First post nails it!!

I'm a pedant too but there's a time and a place and this thread isn't it.

Leaving is a sensible decision here.

He has already completely checked out. It's clear he wants nothing to do with his children and thinks you're beneath him.