Friend not doing an evening meal as “we had a big meal earlier”

[Bupo]

So I’m staying with a friend who invited me to stay. She lives in a nice town that many tourists visit.

This evening I asked if there was any meal prep i could help with for dinner. And friend said something along the lines of “oh I assumed you wouldn’t want dinner as we had a massive meal earlier”.

She’s not wrong. We went to KFC as a few of the restaurants we tried were too busy. It’s literally been years since I last went. I had a burger and two chicken wings. The chips were raw so I only ate a couple.

It’s not the lightest meal but surely most would still expect to eat/feed a guest. She’s not weird with food and a normal not-big-not-small size.

I had about 4 tablespoons of leftover rice and curry for breakfast.

I’m about to go on a “walk” to coop

If you live in a tourist town and are fed up of cooking and hosting, don’t invite people to stay?

I live in a tourist area and always provide plenty of food and drink when I invite someone to my home. If they bring some wine or offer to pay for lunch or whatever, that’s great but I don’t expect it. It’s different if someone has invited themselves to stay but from what op has said, her friend was the one who offered the invitation.

Did you bring anything edible with you as a gift for your host?

See, I don't understand this. I'd have no issue with not having a further meal after a lunchtime grub fest (lets' face it you could have pigged out!). However was there no bread, cheese, butter, ham, eggs in the house where you yourself could have rustled up something if you were hungry?

I suppose it's one of those communication things where you don't want to offend your host, or are barred from the kitchen, or you might think you are a greedy pig.

I wouldn't care, I'd just make something, even if host didn't want it. Surely people stay with people they feel "at home" with? If not, hotel for you!

There's nothing worse than staying at someone's house who doesn't offer proper meals. I don't understand it. There's no excuse. Even for those who can't cook/won't cook there are plenty of pre-made pies, quiches, soups and salads you could provide.

You've had a takeaway curry for dinner, leftovers for breakfast, KFC for lunch and poached eggs for dinner. It all sounds very grim. I wouldn't be rushing back. I bet when she comes to your house she happily eats the meals you provide!

It might make you mad because it insinuates that any of these things are completely effortless. They are not. Homemade soup takes ages even if you are so inclined to make it from scratch. The picky foods are expensive. Everything needs plates, cutlery and glasses, tidying up - washing up. Beds made. None of this is easy and yet it’s downplayed, oh just bung in a homemade supper, open the chilled wine. It’s actually a TON of work to do any of this…. And breathe

Also the signalling is that they are a better cook/dieter/host than you, and you just need to lean in a little more and put some effort in.

Same. But not if I had guests staying over. I'd ask what they would like for dinner. The friend is rude.

This. I've never had KFC but meat & sides is a main meal regardless of time of day.

She's deficient in not having a nice salad, eggs & toast, cheeseboard, or other fare available to guests, though.

I want to ask op:

What did you bring with you?
Do you host your friend regularly and generously?
Has she got money problems?
Are you coming too often?
Are you expecting more than she can reasonably manage if she is working etc and can’t accommodate a five star catering service…

If you are a good friend, could you go out buy some ingredients and cook for her? And clear up? There is a responsibility also on the guest I feel, it is not a hotel.

Nope - was on MJ for 18m and always stocked up and catered for guests - full meals, buffets etc over Christmas and New year. It was just my portions that were smaller than everyone elses!

And as everyone else states - there is no way I could stomach a KFC. I’d have been on the loo for days afterwards.

To me, this reeks of rudeness - unless she is having a MH crisis that she hasn’t disclosed, and was too overwhelmed to organise food? My concern would be to establish the latter wasn’t the case given this is unusual behaviour for this friend?

Irrelevant to the thread but why did you stop at 18m? I thought people had to be on a maintenance dose forever ( I might be wrong about that!)

see that poster’s point up to the pyjamas- why are people out and about in their jammies?

I have no idea but I see it too, some still wearing their slippers!!! 😱😱

These type of threads always bring out the competitive under eaters. Who you know, are actually the ones typing in their dressing gowns while stuffing down family size bags of kitkats.

“oh a kfc burger! Oh no, that’s enough for a week! I couldn’t possibly manage a glass of water after that!”

such bullshit.

@Maggiethecat

From Food Standards Agency website
https://www.food.gov.uk/safety-hygiene/home-food-fact-checker#:~:text=Can%20you%20reheat%20rice%3F,possible%2C%20ideally%20within%20one%20hour

Summary -
(1) rice may be eaten cold if it is cooled down quickly. Put the rice in the fridge and consume within 24 hours
(2) You can get food poisoning from eating reheated rice. It's not the reheating that causes the problem, but the way the rice has been stored before it's reheated
(3) Keep rice in the fridge for no more than one day until reheating
(4) Uncooked rice can contain spores of a bacterium called Bacillus cereus. This bacteria can cause food poisoning. The spores of Bacillus cereus can survive being cooked. The longer cooked rice is left at room temperature, the more likely it is that the bacteria or toxins will make the rice unsafe to eat
(5) you should never reheat rice more than once. And when you do reheat rice, make sure it is steaming hot all the way through
(6) You should never reheat rice more than once. Extra care should be taken with takeaway rice, because some food businesses may pre-cook their rice and then re-heat it before it is given to customers

Hope this is helpful

I’m Indian. We laugh in the face of that. 45 years later, I’m still here.

Whyever not? It's delicious. Had roast duck and rice for breakfast the other day. Not everyone is so set in western style breakfasts

There's a specific bacteria which can cause fix poisoning. It comes from rice not being cooled correctly or quickly enough. We have reheated rice with no issues for 15 years. We do the 3 day rule (cook on Monday, eat by and including on Thursday). It's cooled quickly and put in the fridge (which I know is cooler than most domestic fridges). Also must be absolutely piping hot when eating.

This is the best way to make egg fried rice, cooling overnight and using the next day. Something about the starches I think. We've also frozen rice with no issue for 15 years. Things like pilau rice to go with curry made from scratch etc.

Here's a link on the actual real danger (instead of hyperbole which is common)

www.food.gov.uk/safety-hygiene/home-food-fact-checker

There's two more paragraphs about rice than quoted below.

"Rice
How long can you safely eat rice for after cooking?
Rice may be eaten cold if it is cooled down quickly. Put the rice in the fridge and consume within 24 hours.

You can get food poisoning from eating reheated rice. It's not the reheating that causes the problem, but the way the rice has been stored before it's reheated.

Keep rice in the fridge for no more than one day until reheating. When you reheat any rice always check the dish is steaming hot all the way through.

Uncooked rice can contain spores of a bacterium called Bacillus cereus. This bacteria can cause food poisoning. The spores of Bacillus cereus can survive being cooked. The longer cooked rice is left at room temperature, the more likely it is that the bacteria or toxins will make the rice unsafe to eat.

Can you reheat rice?
Yes, but you should never reheat rice more than once. And when you do reheat rice, make sure it is steaming hot all the way through.

If you have leftover rice you should chill it as quickly as possible, ideally within one hour. Dividing it into smaller portions can help with this. Also don't leave rice in the rice cooker, steamer or pan to cool down."

I think if a lot of people on here went to Indian or China (or a shit ton of other places, but those are countries I’ve spent a lot of time in), they would find it was totally normal to eat whatever food had been cooked for breakfast, not the “breakfast” foods we are so used to.

I personally don’t eat a full dinner if I have a big meal at lunchtime, but I do accept that that is a weird me thing, and I would certainly have offered food to my guest.

If I was your friend I'd have had a cheese/charcuterie type board made up at least to graze on while you have your wine. Even if I'm just hosting an evening and we've all had dinner I'll always put something out to graze on.

The issue with takeaway rice is that there is no way to know if the rice has already been reheated, when it was cooked in the first place and how it has been stored. Food poisoning from rice can kill, and rice especially has to be handled with care.

I am from a culture where we tend to overfeed guests and we would have failed if we hadn’t provided a full table with food left over afterwards.

This kind of hosting just blows my mind. I don’t care how full you are after having had lunch. I don’t care what your normal eating pattern is. As a host you do not tell the guests how hungry they are or should be. You provide the food as a default and then it is up to the guest to say how little or how much they want to eat.

I despise some of the hosting I see in this country if I’m honest.

Pure luck I’d say.

I agree. If DH and I eat out around lunchtime, we aren't too hungry for dinner. But, our DS lives at home so we make sure there is something here he can eat and DH will have salad and I'll have yogurt, a cheese stick and some raw veggies at some point in the evening.

Living up to your name there 😆