To want to go to America next year. On my own.

[Thebrightnesshasfaded]

A close friend moved to the US last year. She sent an invitation for her wedding in summer next year. They’ve invited all my family (me, dh & Dd, who will be 8 by then)
They are wealthy and are providing two nights stay at a 5 star hotel for two nights for visitors coming from outside America and a limo pick up and drop from the hotel to the venue. We basically just need to pay flights. This is still a lot for all of us. I keep having fantasies about me going on my own, getting a long connection between flights and staying in one of the city stops on the way….these seem to be either New York, Washington or California.
I imagine i’d be gone 4/5 days total.
At present I haven’t spent a full day alone or away.
I loved travelling when younger and am just longing for a solo adventure like this.
I imagine Dh would be flabbergasted by it

Aibu to go/want to go?

Would your husband be upset if you did this? If he’d be happy with it, then you should do it!

Massive mistake I made was allowing my exh to completely obliterate my sense of self when I became a wife and mum. Go OP, and don't take any shit for it 🙌🏼

Go! You don’t cease to be an individual when you become half of a couple, or a parent for that matter.

I would 100% be going on my own. Your DH & DD can have some great quality father daughter time together and you can have a wonderful solo trip.

I would definitely be going on my own.

I have down this twice for weddings in America and also gone over just to see relatives maybe about 6 other times. Do it !

Most likely! He’d have to arrange things at work etc. The wedding falls on a Saturday, so at least two of the days are just at the weekend.
It’s so far away that it gives plenty of time to organise and save up.

Why would your husband be flabbergasted? Strange expression
Don't you have any say in what you do, your life, your spare time, why would you not grab this opportunity with both hands and run with it

Or would you save extra in that time and make it an adventure for all of you?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do this but I would ask how you might feel if it were your DH asking to do the same for his friend’s wedding?

If he already gets lots of time away for “hobbies” etc then go for it. If he doesn’t then it might be worth approaching a bit more sensitively. Is there any chance the two of you could go and leave DD with family?

He’ll probably be pissed off that I get to go away and he’s stuck at home, I know how wrong that is

At present I haven’t spent a full day alone or away.

Seriously - at what point did you become surgically attached to your husband and children

Why haven't you ever spent a full day away from your family?
Sorry, but it is utter madness when a woman loses her identity to that degree.
Of course you should do this trip on your own and enjoy every minute!

Absolutely go! This is not only very reasonable but also very normal. Take the opportunity, you won’t regret and it’ll probably make you feel very happy which has a trickle down effect for your family when you get home.

I know…Dd is ND and can be hard work, although wonderful, it is exhausting
I’m hoping by then though and her being a little older, it might be better

We've had a couple of overseas family weddings, and on each occasion one of DH and I has gone, and extended the trip somewhat - both were in term time, which made the decision easier. I should say that we didn't know about the second wedding when we agreed about the first. The other did indeed need to take time off work and rearrange things. I had a great time!

Time to start standing up for yourself and asserting some boundaries! This is a fantastic oppertunity. Its 5 days tops!

All children can be hard work! Stop being a martyr

Of course it’s reasonable to fantasise about going away alone for a few days but we need more info about whether or not it’s reasonable for you to do it. Never spending the day alone or away sounds concerning.

I'd love to do this! Where is the wedding? Is there something nice to do there as I imagine that a long stop over and a connecting flight might be more work than it sounds?
Although a couple of nights in NY would be very very nice!

It doesn’t sound like your dd would get much out of the trip and that the friend is mainly yours not his so absolutely leave her and dh at home.

A marriage where one party stops (even if it is just by being difficult) the other from doing what makes them happy is not a good marriage

I wouldn’t hesitate going and my DH wouldn’t have an issue too. We are not joined at the hip all the time both physically and financially

I really think this solo trip will do you the world of good. Seems you have a rather unhealthy dynamic going on here.

Your husband being upset / flabbergasted?You never having had a day to yourself?
...

This is a tough one. I can't imagine not wanting to go with DH tbh so I would def make it a family trip (although might leave the child at home if you had sitters).

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong in you going by yourself, so long as there are funds for another family holiday that year, but sounds like a great opportunity for a couple's break, and I crave that much more than solo.

This sounds like a great opportunity OP, and your husband could always then do something similar another time. It's healthy for both of you.

Unpopular opinion it seems, but I think it depends on if you think your husband and/ or daughter would enjoy it.

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with having a solo trip, but given that hotel is being offered for all of you, I wouldn't necessarily go without them.

Would you want to go with just your husband?

If I was invited to a 5 star hotel etc with my husband and he chose to go without me, I would be a bit upset, even though I have no issue with him going away without me and vice versa.