To want to go to America next year. On my own.

[Thebrightnesshasfaded]

A close friend moved to the US last year. She sent an invitation for her wedding in summer next year. They’ve invited all my family (me, dh & Dd, who will be 8 by then)
They are wealthy and are providing two nights stay at a 5 star hotel for two nights for visitors coming from outside America and a limo pick up and drop from the hotel to the venue. We basically just need to pay flights. This is still a lot for all of us. I keep having fantasies about me going on my own, getting a long connection between flights and staying in one of the city stops on the way….these seem to be either New York, Washington or California.
I imagine i’d be gone 4/5 days total.
At present I haven’t spent a full day alone or away.
I loved travelling when younger and am just longing for a solo adventure like this.
I imagine Dh would be flabbergasted by it

Aibu to go/want to go?

My best friend is American, we're both married with families, and we both regularly make the trip out to visit one another alone! We've also done full family trips, but not every time. My DH is more than happy for me to go. I'd be happy for him to do the same if he had reason or desire to.

And to be quite honest, even if he didn't like it I'd be going anyway! I've been making that journey for yonks. Not about to lose out on a friendship for anyone. If your family have been invited then I get the issue, but there's no reason you can't go alone either. You still need independence. It's a totally different experience.

I wouldn't take a ND child on holiday to USA unless they dont have a problem with travel and new places. It wont be a holiday for you, it would be harder than being at home. The best thing I learned was it is often better in a mixed NT/ND household to do things separately and it is important as a parent carer to take breaks when you can. And important for your own self confidence to keep doing things on your own, I see so many of my friends feel they can't or won't do stuff without their partner, I'd frankly find that suffocating. The USA is also super expensive for Brits right now. Spend the money buying in some help while you are away and / or offer your husband a similar solo break. You shouldnt feel guilty, being a parent carer is hard work and you deserve the break. I imagine if it was the other way round you would probably tell him to go on his own.

Personally it would only be a financial decision - we simply don't have the money for us to travel separately 'and' as a family so we've only done family trips since the kids were born. My husband travels a decent amount for work and I don't so I've not really been away from the kids at all. I don't recommend this at all though - definitely have some resentment about it and I'm not in a great place mentally. So if you can afford it and manage the logistics then you should definitely go and have an amazing time! I'd do a week though as it's such a long flight :)

Would your husband feel differently if you offer him the same opportunity? So he also can book a 5 day break away from you at some point?

I think taking a solo break is quite a healthy thing to do, perhaps even annually, considering the stresses of raising an ND child, so long as you’re both on the same page about it.

If I couldn't afford a 10 day family holiday to the US around the time of the wedding I'd 100% go by myself.

I've had a couple of long weekends to NYC with my friends. DH managed to keep them alive while I was gone.

Why not? I’ve been to NYC to see a friend by myself, it was great. DH and the kids had a great few days at home whilst I went…everybody was a winner. I was obviously the bigger winner but still…!

@Lanzarotelady
Perhaps he’d be flabbergasted because the invitation was for all of them? I think that the replies would be very different if it was the husband’s friend and he wanted to go on his own.

OP did your husband say he wants to go? There’s nothing inherently wrong with you going on a solo trip, but perhaps not this one since you were all invited and it seems like a great experience at a relatively low cost to you as a family. If he’s not keen, then by all means go on your own and agree that he will get another equivalent solo trip later in the year. But if he wants to go too, I don’t think there’s any reasonable way to refuse since you’ve all been invited.

So go. It works for everyone.

Go! America is awesome I love going there alone 🇺🇸

How high support needs does your DD have? Is she at school or homeschooled? Does she tolerate standard time spending activities like swimming or cinema? Would she tolerate external babysitter?

You said it would be too much for you parents to care for her if you both went there. Is it reasonably feasible for your DH to do it alone, or would it need some cooperation between him and grandparents?

You don't have to answer those questions for us, but the answers are crucial to understand how big an ask is leaving them at home, and how much planning and support does it require.

You should go.

If dh really wants to go, amd you are essentially saying, no I want to go alone - I can see how that will cause problems.

But if he doesn't want to go, or isn't fussed, and it's just about 3 or 4 days of childcare... go. Have fun. Have an adventure.

Screw that. Do it anyway. If your husband isn't happy for you, you have the wrong husband.

How about you do this trip, and your DH does a different solo trip he likes the sound of? What you don't want is for him to hold this over your head for the rest of your days.

Can he have some time by himself another time?

As long as you’d reciprocate for your husband then go for it!

Go, you’ll have a great time and recharge your batteries. My DH is currently away- he’s visiting a couple of university friends for the weekend before attending.a conference next week in that area. DS and I are enjoying spending time at home together.

It’s healthy for everyone and as your DD doesn’t enjoy traveling, this long haul trip isn’t really the right one for her. Plus you deserve to catch up with your old friends once in a while, you’ll have an amazing time.

You should definitely do it - use the money saved and not having to travel long haul to sell it to your DH - he has plenty of time for booking time off work.
San Francisco is a lovely city to visit if that's an option for your stopover

I would absolutely do this and my DH would probably encourage me to go on my own. It would be good for you to get the proper break and sounds like it would be good for him to learn how to parent solo

You should go for it. I love solo travels. I have to ask, though, where the heck are you going that includes stopping in NY & CA on the way?. They are at completely opposite ends of the country.

Well, presumably people in loving relationships make this kind of decision together. If husband was really looking forward to going, he might be upset not to.

@Zippidydoodah Yes, it should be a joint decision. I imagine that he’d be delighted for her to have a solo trip and spend quality time with her old friends at the wedding. I’m delighted that DB is catching up with his university friends this weekend, plus it makes sense as he’s be in the area next week for the conference.

Go for it! Your H has plenty of time to plan and sounds like you deserve it ❤️

A quick look on the flight planner shows them

She lives in Arizona 🤷🏻‍♀️

It doesn’t stop in both, gives different stopover options, some say NY, some Washington etc

It doesn’t stop in both, gives different stopover options, some say NY, some Washington etc