Do you holiday without DC?

[NewMomma21]

Trying to gauge how common holidaying for a few days without DC is.

DC are 1.5 and 3.5, I won’t bore with the details but suffice to say it’s been an exhausting year between lack of sleep and seasonal illness. Younger DC was an exceptionally high needs baby. Cried pretty much all day every day for a year. Has improved greatly since walking and talking. We were due to holiday in Europe in July but I’m just not sure younger DC is quite there yet. It would be tremendous stress (primarily on me) if he didn’t enjoy. I am also concerned about potential heatwaves and the impact of same on DC (pale and not used to intense heat).

We are thinking of visiting my DB in scenic part of UK instead. DMIL has suggested DH and I go abroad for 2/3 nights, get some sun and Rest and she along with my DM will mind DC in our home.

Im naturally an anxious person and can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong. We wouldn’t be going until June so hopefully illness will have abated. We have friends who have done similar but I’m not sure.

Would you leave 21m old and 3 and a half year old for a few days? Just to add I’m not sure DM is overly keen so I haven’t asked just yet. More thinking it over, or rather over thinking it over.

And as pp says, it doesn't matter a jot what half of Mumsnet do, you do whatever you're comfortable with!

This question comes up all the time, and it really comes down to personal choice. Some people skip off quite happily, others can't bear to be separated.

Speaking as a 57 year old whose parents holidayed without her (age 4 then aged 5.5 with a 6m sibling), I survived and hold no lasting resentment 😄

My kids are 8, 11 and 13 and my husband and I have been abroad together twice for 2 nights but only in the last couple of years.

I think it's up to you as long as the people looking after the kids are happy to do so.

I do a trip or 2 with friends each year for a break which makes it much easier as I know they are with their Dad.

Yes we do. We've been away 6 times in 16 years without them, abroad. That's a minimum of 4 nights and doesn't include weekends, I wouldn't be able to work out weekends in the UK.

We don't do it now as they are now old enough to enjoy the types of travelling we do.

I know lots of people sniff at that, but my kids are really close to their grandparents, they love staying with them, it's been an important way of them bonding with them. They always get a holiday with us as well, we can afford both.

It's been a really important part of our marriage and mental health to have these times still, to not feel like life has been paused in anyway. And we are really close to our teens, much closer than most people I know, the threads on here talking about teens don't resonate with me at all, no sulking or embarrassment at being with us, we have joint hobbies, regular family nights, lots of 1:1 time with each other, genuinely do not believe it has held back our relationship in anyway. Perhaps it's even helped.

My youngest was exactly the same as yours - worse actually - but on holiday generally was more relaxed! Less crying and more playing. Also v pale.

We went late May or early June I think so it wasn't too hot. Make sure you have aircon and hotel is near beach etc. Aparthotel with a secure garden area is the best choice imo. That way you can choose to self cater if it's easier, you're not all sharing a bedroom, they can play outside easily, but you also have access to hotel facilities.

Thanks for all the replies. Interesting reading. We have some time to consider what we might do. Just to reiterate we are lucky to have very involved grandparents who are happy to mind DC. It’s whether I could relax being so far away from them that is questionable

I have. DD has been away with her dad for 5 nights so DP and I have jetted off together. We're going again in a few weeks, for 7 nights. This is a one off, it's my 30th and DP has booked a luxury retreat a 5 hour flight away. DD(5) will be going away in the UK with my parents and sister for the week, and will have a great time too, and then we have a couple of holidays booked as a family throughout the year, abroad and UK, so I don't feel any guilt about enjoying a big birthday!

No i have 5 dc and have never left them behind.most definitely not at such a young age.

Go for it, do 4 or 5 nights to Spain
The time will flash by a way.

I personally wouldn't no. It's just a no-no for me and my DH. Holidays are for all of us or none of us. But from speaking to others, I can see that out thoughts differ from other people's. It isn't for me to judge what others do and what works for them. So if you have a willing baby sitter and you think you could benefit from a mini break away - do it.

I would try not to make a habit of it though. Parenting Is exhausting and can feel very 'hum drum' - but that is life as a parent of young children. That's what we signed up for. You don't want to get in the mind set of everytime it gets tiring or boring "we need a holiday from the kids again " (you'd be booking a lot of holidays !) my friend and her DH almost live totally seperate lives to their kids through doing this. It's like a failure to adapt.

Ours are 2.5 and twins who are about to turn 1. We've left them for weekends away several times and will be leaving them for a week in June to go abroad.

Go for it!

I definitely couldn't, I'm too anxious and my kids are too clingy they definitely wouldn't cope. But you have a MIL who is super willing to help you so assuming they have a great relationship you deserve a break!

OP - just go. Your life sounds relentless, I bet you go to work for a break! Your MIL sounds fab! The pearl clutchers on here probably hate their MIL 🤣

Your other ‘holiday’ is visiting family-not exactly a holiday. And taking your needy DC would just be same crap, different (and hotter) location.

Do you have to take them in July? You can fo to Europe for sunshine in September or May when it’s cooler.
i also wouldn’t be able to relax without my kids, and I think you are overthinking the heat element. Of course you can’t be out at 1pm every day but like locals we go out in the morning, have lunch somewhere cool, then kids nap or rest in AC room or shady space, then we have outdoor or beach time again. We have tons of UV gear, sun hats and keep they hydrated and they are fine.

it’s ok if you don’t want to take them but no need ro make such a big drama about pale kids. Most Brits or Irish people have pale kids who manage a summer holiday in Europe. I have taken my babies to tropical countries and we had great holidays.

Hello again,

Just an update. DS had a recent hospital visit for bronchiolitis (again!) and on that basis we decided we wouldn’t go as I wouldn’t want the anxiety of the potential of that happening on my wonderful DM and MIL. Both of whom are fabulous and with whom DC share a wonderful bond. We will hopefully go away for one night close to home in June.

As for our trip abroad we have cancelled that on the same basis. We have to meet our DC where they are and not where we want them to be and right now the cons outweigh the pros of going abroad. We have hopefully many years ahead of holidaying together so one year at home isn’t going to matter in the grand scheme of things. We will holiday in a family members seaside home at home and I’m sure it will be great.

No, I wouldn't dream of it.

I’d skip the stress of travel and being so far away and start with a couple of nights in a luxurious hotel. And be very grateful to MiL for making it possible.