Do you holiday without DC?

[NewMomma21]

Trying to gauge how common holidaying for a few days without DC is.

DC are 1.5 and 3.5, I won’t bore with the details but suffice to say it’s been an exhausting year between lack of sleep and seasonal illness. Younger DC was an exceptionally high needs baby. Cried pretty much all day every day for a year. Has improved greatly since walking and talking. We were due to holiday in Europe in July but I’m just not sure younger DC is quite there yet. It would be tremendous stress (primarily on me) if he didn’t enjoy. I am also concerned about potential heatwaves and the impact of same on DC (pale and not used to intense heat).

We are thinking of visiting my DB in scenic part of UK instead. DMIL has suggested DH and I go abroad for 2/3 nights, get some sun and Rest and she along with my DM will mind DC in our home.

Im naturally an anxious person and can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong. We wouldn’t be going until June so hopefully illness will have abated. We have friends who have done similar but I’m not sure.

Would you leave 21m old and 3 and a half year old for a few days? Just to add I’m not sure DM is overly keen so I haven’t asked just yet. More thinking it over, or rather over thinking it over.

I’m laughing how everyone is trying to persuade you to stay in Ireland!

I would so do it OP. Lucky you having willing family! And yes the travel is time consuming but even sitting in an airport and on a plane without kids is a treat. I went to South Africa for 3 days for a christening when mine were that age. Heaven! Someone bringing me food, being able to sit down and read a book/watch a film etc…then sun at the other end! ☀️

When my DC were under 5, the most we managed was a very occasional 1 night away
It’s what you go through for 10/15 years unless you have Nannie’s or very involved family

I wouldn't even consider me and DH both being in a different country to our young children, and ours are 4 and 7. If there was an accident/illness it doesn't bear thinking about.

I also don't understand why you can't enjoy a holiday with them, by 1.5yrs mine had both been abroad a couple of times each (Disneyland Paris x 2, Mallorca and Menorca) and we'd had the best times of our lives. They do have children in France and Spain so no reason why this would be an issue.

I’m not sure where I said DMIL didn’t want to do it on her own? She in fact offered to do all 3 nights Iif my own mum wasn’t available or didn’t want to. The whole thing was her idea! I would never dream of foisting my DC on unwilling babysitters. They are much loved and adored DGC. If my own mum was not comfortable in any way I would pull the plug. They have already done evenings and very occasional nights with their grandparents and there has never been an issue.

We did. 3 nights when kids were 2.5 and 10 months. No flight, but 8 hour drive each way.

Yes I would. The couple I know who have done this seem better for it

Honestly I feel like only people who have had a very high needs child would understand the reluctance to take them abroad, DS only stopped crying 14 hours a day a couple of months ago. If he didn’t take to it he would scream all day!

We have great holiday options here and in the UK for them

As I said DC are very pale, have never been in any kind of heat and would probably struggle in the very high heat of summer in Europe. They are too young for kids club and so I have visions of them being too hot outside or stuck in hotel room. I cannot wait to take them to all the lovely places you have been but for right now younger DC is probably too young

No. Agree you need and deserve a break - go to a nice hotel or B&B for 1-2 nights to a scenic location 1-2 hours from home. Not abroad at that age, you won’t relax anyway.

DH and I do the v rare weekend away from DS but I wouldn’t go abroad without him. He’d be upset and I wouldn’t enjoy it.

Some acquaintances we know go away for a week each year to the med without their DC while the kids go to their grandparents. I couldn’t do that. Apparently the DD one year said “do you promise you’ll come back and get me?”. Children shouldn’t be saying things like that. Small kids need their parents, and in my view a week abroad is too long.

Ww have done a few nights away in UK and both DH and I have done separate abroad breaks with work or friends.

We have a significant birthday this year so we are going abroad for 4 days. DC is 7 and in school so both sets of GPs are babysitting.

Everyone is different, do what makes you comfortable and what is good for your children. I’m lucky that my DC is very easy going and has great relationships with GPs, so easier for me to go away and have no worries.

Your MIL has already cared for them at times, you are in the fortunate position of having loving and involved grandparents who want to create a bond with your children that will be a benefit and treasure for all of you in years to come. Presumably if your DH had been unwell as a toddler they would have applied calpol and distraction as appropriate!!

I might offer some money or tickets for a special outing for all of them (kids theatre, soft play, even just snacks/lunch at garden centre or similar, whatever they want and are comfortable with) but honestly I think you are overthinking this!

If they aren't happy, obviously you don't do it again. If they all enjoy it, you've a resource for school holidays going forward.

I just don't get the problem, TBH.

Our friends have just gone away for 10 nights to America leaving their 2 kids with grandparents. Fair play I say.

So I would love to go away but I’m nervous of leaving DC in case they became unwell or upset and I’m far away and can’t be there if needed.

So the obvious answer is a couple of night somewhere relatively local.
You get the 'R'n'R', including some good nights' sleep, and lovely meals and lone time with your dh, but you will be FAR more relaxed, knowing that in the unlikely event they need you, you could be home in little over an hour.

Your LOs may feel a bit upset especially more vulnerable times of day, such as bedtime.

If you trust your PIL to comfort them, it will be a win for all of you. If you don't, that's a different matter.

Every situation is different. Bit if you do trust your PIL to be emotionally available to your LOs, I hope you make the most of a break in the sun and return refreshed!

Both grandmothers mind DC two mornings a week as I work PT so DC are very comfortable with them. My SIL has said she will come round and help MIL and my own DSis will also come round and her teenage daughter will come help my my mum.

My worry really is that younger DC is still a bit of a fusspot. But they are used to him and from their accounts he is usually fussiest for me and not them.

Staying local is probably not a great option. The hotels in Ireland are eye watering LH expensive and I just don’t think I would enjoy two nights away when it’s costing me probably about €1200. We initially thought we would go to Dublin for a night and every decent hotel was €500-€600 with nothing included, not even breakfast!

Book the holiday!

If you want to go you should go.

Your children will be in their own home with loving relatives.

The word will not end if you go without them and it will do you and your DH the world of good to relax and reconnect as a couple and not just be “mum and dad”

You don’t need to justify yourself to people on here! Book the holiday. Go to the sun! ☀️

Husband and I went away to Venice for work when our son was nine months old. He had a blast with nanna and granddad for five days!

Absolutely.

we’ve done it. Max 3 nights. Don’t care how long the faffing is in the airport if it only means 3 days on a lounger in the sun with a book uninterrupted peace. Better than not going at all. But we’re all different. It depends on your circs and how well you trust your MIL to care for the kids

If I was you, I’d wait until last minute and book when you’re sure you’ll get on that plane.

As others have said, it doesn’t matter what people say, it depends on what you’re comfortable with.

My husband and I were chatting about this a couple of nights ago (and our youngest is 12). I just couldn’t be out of the country in case we were needed. I don’t judge anyone who could or would, I wish I was the same as I would love to have an adult city break. But I just know in my own head, irrespective of how irrational it is, I wouldn’t relax and be ok with it. Only you know if you could actually get on the plane and go. If that is a yes, then go for it!

My DH and I have done two trips without the children. One, a long weekend in Rome when our eldest was 18m and the other a week all inclusive in Greece when they were 6 and 3.
They stayed with my parents, which they do for a few days most school holidays, so they were very happy to do so. Obviously it would be different if anyone in the situation was unhappy with the arrangement.
The week in the sun felt so necessary at that point, we booked it during the hardest part of 2021 Covid and it honestly gave us the strength to keep going.
Fill your cup (with sangria!).

Yes. It's bliss and a real highlight of our year (and the DC are now teens).
The first time we did it, DC1 was 11 months and it was one night about 45 mins from home. Then, just before she turned 2 (and when I was newly pregnant with DC2), we did 3 nights in New York. We went away again more locally for a couple of nights just before DC2 was born.
Since DC2 was about a year, we have done a long weekend overseas every year (other than Covid) and they have also spent 3 or 4 nights staying at my parents every year. The longest we ever did was 5 nights overseas when the DC were 5 & 3.
It's just so nice to spend time with DH and do what we used to enjoy doing on holidays (art galleries, nice meals). Having said that, I think the first time we went away after DC2 was born, we mainly slept and scarcely spoke to each other except over dinner! Even after that, though, I came away feeling that our relationship was in a much better place than it had been before we went away. It's great to have conversations about something other than the DC (although they do feature), not be interrupted or distracted and just be entirely selfish.
Most of my friends who can afford it and have parents who are alive and healthy have at least the occasional night away. One friend's DC are sitting A levels & GCSEs this year and, ever since the oldest was a few months old, they have spent every Friday night at the grandparents with them being dropped home after lunch on Saturday. Another friend has a similar arrangement on a Sunday and another's children go on a mid-week overnighter. I have always been most envious of these arrangements!

Yes. My MIL has always had the kids for a week and I went away.

Since I met DH we went away every Feb for a week without the 4 kids. We do something we love that they'd hate.

I’d go in a heartbeat.

Probably not at that age but when
My DS hit 7 I started going away without him. For us we couldn't do trips together as we have no local childcare so we do plenty of family holiday stuff together but once a year we both get a child free trip of our choice.