Do you holiday without DC?

[NewMomma21]

Trying to gauge how common holidaying for a few days without DC is.

DC are 1.5 and 3.5, I won’t bore with the details but suffice to say it’s been an exhausting year between lack of sleep and seasonal illness. Younger DC was an exceptionally high needs baby. Cried pretty much all day every day for a year. Has improved greatly since walking and talking. We were due to holiday in Europe in July but I’m just not sure younger DC is quite there yet. It would be tremendous stress (primarily on me) if he didn’t enjoy. I am also concerned about potential heatwaves and the impact of same on DC (pale and not used to intense heat).

We are thinking of visiting my DB in scenic part of UK instead. DMIL has suggested DH and I go abroad for 2/3 nights, get some sun and Rest and she along with my DM will mind DC in our home.

Im naturally an anxious person and can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong. We wouldn’t be going until June so hopefully illness will have abated. We have friends who have done similar but I’m not sure.

Would you leave 21m old and 3 and a half year old for a few days? Just to add I’m not sure DM is overly keen so I haven’t asked just yet. More thinking it over, or rather over thinking it over.

My partner and I have left our almost 2yo with his grandparents who he adores to travel for up to a week on 3 occasions and it’s always been lovely for us having that time to relax and concentrate on each other, and lovely for our DS who has the best time with grandparents. I couldn’t do it if I didn’t know he was happy and settled with the in-laws, but they take amazing care of him and take him out on lots of exciting trips so I know he’s fine.

I think this subject always brings out a polarised view from people. We haven’t done it yet, it’s just been a financial thing, but that’s not to say we wouldn’t.
We have agreed to our in laws taking the LO to a staycation for 2 nights with his older cousins and we’ve stayed at home and he has sleepovers in my parents or in laws probably every 1-2 months.
Id say do it if you want you!

When kids dad and I were together we had a few nights away, but that was more through lack of childcare than anything else, we didn’t have anyone to have them.

Since divorce we co parent and I’ve had a few long weekends abroad without them with my dp and it’s lovely. I would recommend it.
your children will be well looked after, your dmil seems keen and you say yourself you need some sunshine. I don’t get the issue with travelling to Europe for a few nights that others seem to have.

if you’re comfortable with it, then do it. And if you hate it, it’s only a few days and you won’t do it again!

I started reading this and was shocked at all the posts saying not to go.

Obviously it's individual choice but I've done this op, and I felt so much better for the break. My kids were a similar age and very happy with the grandparents-they get super spoiled!

Also lots of options for flying somewhere lovely and warm. Palma or Verona are particularly nice. Enjoy!

We did it but only ever in the UK. My in laws loved having them and we loved the break but I didn’t want to be a flight away from getting home. It’s very much a personal choice though.

Weekend city breaks are extremely common. I can’t believe some of the people on here who need two days to acclimatise! We used to have loads of city breaks before children, and even after with children. You’ll have a lovely relaxing time for a few days.

I’ve been on weekends away abroad with friends when I’ve had small children. Had a great time, stress free and relaxing. Would love to have one together, but we don’t have the childcare unfortunately. I would go for it, have a lovely relaxing time.

We’ve had quite a few kid free city breaks since we’ve been parents. Luckily my in-laws were happy to come and stay in our home while we were away and look after kids, cats and dog (my parents would also have loved to and I wish they’d had the opportunity but they unfortunately died when the children were very little). The first time we went was for our ten year anniversary and the kids were 5 and 8. I wouldn’t have wanted to go when they were younger but I know plenty of parents who have so it’s not unusual or wrong, just personal preference.

Now the kids are older teens and we went away to the Canaries recently for five nights! No need for the in-laws to babysit now but they had the dog to stay at theirs and the kids looked after themselves.

If they are comfortable with your MIL and DM and you are comfortable with then do it.

I personally couldn't do it and haven't been away from mine for more than 2 nights and that was with my DH at home with them but then I don't have anyone willing and able to have them for that long- my mum would but isn't physically well enough to.

As I am not in a relationship with their father I have about 2 mini breaks and one long haul holiday a year without them and then take them away separately too

When they were little I did it but only for 5 days max as I didn't like being away but their dad is great and they are teens now

I think a girl trip with your friends is so good for the soul, even if it's a mini break

Holidays with them when they are little are not easy so you need a holiday for you

100% yes. Grandparents used to have kids twice a year for a long weekend so we could get some sunshine. Once they got to 3 grandparents started to take them away - France, Spain etc. They have an amazing bond now.

Got to say if it was afford a trip with dc or friends I would always choose with dc and ensure that's the priority.

Luckily that's not an issue for us now

I thought you meant a week/ two weeks, op! I think a couple of nights is fine, but ultimately it's your decision and you need to feel comfortable with it.

When mine were that age I'd sometimes have to attend conferences for a couple of nights. I missed them like crazy, but knew they were in good hands with dh. Do you trust your dm and mil will cope? Do your dc know them well? That's the key consideration here.

We left ours for a few nights for my 40th - we flew to Barcelona. They all had a blast together. It's not a frequent thing, we mostly holiday together. But occasional breaks can be really positive, providing you know they're well looked after and you have a plan to get back ASAP if necessary.

Yes we do, ours are older now but we did this when they were little too.
I’m not an anxious person though and we were really close to the people we left them with, saw them all the time and the dc were totally familiar with the environments and happy to sleep there for overnights when dh and I were just having a night out together so it was just an extension of that when we started going on city breaks abroad for 2/3 nights.

Mine are exactly the same age and yes I bloody would. Go. Go now. We don't have anyone that can take ours.

Don't bother going abroad. You will come back exhausted. Go some where near to your parents but nice. And sleep, rest, talk (not about the children), eat nice food. Sleep more. Rather than spending half the time at an airport.

I haven't done it (or even had a night out out together) but that's only because no one will help us. I'd jump at a chance to go away if I were you! Sounds amazing, go!

Do it.

You have a number of close family members offering to help. You do not need to explain yourself nor ask permission.

You are spot on that holidays in the sun/heat with young children are far from relaxing.

You have a golden opportunity to do something you are yearning to do. Book it and look forward to it.

I have similar age kids (4 and almost 2) and I haven’t. Tbh I would probably feel fine leaving the oldest, she can understand, chat to me on FaceTime, understand mummy and daddy will be back in 3 sleeps, very settled in childcare and very comfortable with my parents. The youngest I just couldn’t leave yet I would fear he would miss us and not understand and think we had abandoned him. I would also worry about my parents as youngest is at that difficult young toddler age. So when youngest is about 4 I would feel ok with going away for a few days.

If grandparents are willing and able and the children are used to it then don't hesitate, just go! We did when DC1 was 4 and I really cherish that holiday, 4 years ago now and absolutely no possibility of it happening again due to health issues so I'm really glad we did it. Would definitely have done it earlier had it not been for Covid.

On the other hand, Spain and Portugal are warm but not scorching in June. Might it be a possibility to bring a willing grandma to help with childcare on location? To be honest, our youngest is also very fair skinned and we got caught in a 40 degree heatwave in Central/ Eastern Europe last year, decent sun coverage and hydration and they were in and out of the pool with no bother all day every day for 2 weeks.

Don't feel guilty about it whatever you decide, you're lucky to have so many people who can and want to support you. Being parents of young children is very hard on a relationship especially if there are additional needs, whatever you have at your disposal to make your lives easier, use it!

We're going to Spain for 2 nights next week and leaving our 2 year old with my Mum. I think I will feel slightly anxious but I know she's safe with Mum. I don't feel guilty at all.

Yes we have because the close family that have our child have raised their own children and us being around does not make our child immune of things going wrong it can happen anywhere at any time

No, I’d take them. I wouldn’t be in a different country to them.

If I didn’t think they were ready for Spain, I just wouldn’t go to Spain - but mine went younger than yours and were fine, they really enjoyed it, so I wouldn’t write it off either. I completely understand the urge to have a break and get some sun, but I don’t think many people actually act on it. Some do, and if you’re comfortable to do so, and you’ve got childcare you’re happy with, do it.

My kids are the same age as yours, and no I wouldn't personally do it, one night is enough to be away from them for me. I wouldn't like to be so far away in case anything happened but I appreciate thats not everyone's thoughts.

We've been abroad loads with them already and we've all always had a great time so I wouldn't completely rule out a family holiday.

We went away when ours were that age for 6 days - my dm looked after them at my house and they were absolutely fine. She lived close by and they were used to seeing her most days anyway, and she was only in her fifties so able to keep up with them!