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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to pick up daughter's team mate from sports club

78 replies

FunkyDancer223 · 07/03/2025 22:19

Earlier today I got a message from one of the mums on my daughter's sports team, we know each other from the school gates but speak infrequently. This is actually the first time she has ever messaged me. So she asked if I was going to be picking my daughter up at sports club and if so would I be able to pick hers up as well. Aside from them playing on the same team they do not ever really play with each other outside of the sports club.

I didn't think too much of it so said yes, she said great and then said if I could drop her at one of her older sisters friends house. Again I thought that maybe she was picking up the older sister and as such could pick the younger one at the same place.

When I went to drop her off though the friend's parent answered the door and then her mum came to the door as well with glass of wine in hand. I could then hear there was a few others as well so obviously she was having a mums night with some drinks.

To me this doesn't seem right to be asking someone else to be doing your responsibilities to pick up your child from their activities just so you can go to a friends house and start drinking for the evening. If I was in her position I would have just got my daughter and then if I knew there was a social thing on that evening just joined in later on as it wasn't as though the club finished late.

So just thought I would ask whether I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Waitingforspring77 · 07/03/2025 22:22

Does seem a bit cheeky. I'd have no problem with helping anyone out in a genuine emergency or if they had to work or had car trouble, for example.
I wouldn't give her a lift again!

NuffSaidSam · 07/03/2025 22:24

I think that's cheeky!

Maybe she went to pick the older one up and then was invited in for a glass of wine?!

Scutterbug · 07/03/2025 22:25

Meh I do t think it would bother me as a one off.

AgeingDoc · 07/03/2025 22:26

I think she is very cheeky. When my kids were younger I very occasionally had to ask other parents to help out with lifts at short notice but only for unexpected events like me being stuck at work or one of the other children being taken ill. I'd never have considered imposing on someone to facilitate my social life, especially not someone I don't know that well.
I probably wouldn't help someone like that again if I were you.

Sometimeswinning · 07/03/2025 22:27

What? I’m not sure it matters what you would do. She met her friends for a drink when you said you’d help out.

Next time say no. I’d also love you to tell her she shouldn’t ask anyone else if she’s planning to drink as that’s rude. I bet you wouldn’t though because you know how it sounds.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 07/03/2025 22:28

Scutterbug · 07/03/2025 22:25

Meh I do t think it would bother me as a one off.

This,

Onabench · 07/03/2025 22:31

I think it's cheeky to ask a near stranger to pick up your child so you can drink wine. How weird of her.

If you were friends, i'd say it's okay

Ilovelurchers · 07/03/2025 22:36

While I can kind of see what you mean, I am not sure it's a massive deal as a one off. Did it involve you going far out of your way to drop her off? As long as it didn't, I think it's OK really, providing she didn't imply it was an emergency or because she was ill or working or anything.....

Possibly she was there for a celebration or something - an engagement party or something of that sort? I guess it is reasonable to ask for help it you have an engagement you want to attend - especially if she is a single mom and doesn't have much help/chance to socialise (is she?)

I suppose the one thing I did wonder - would you have expected to be invited to the drinks? Do you know the other parents at all? If you plausibly might have been invited, but you weren't, then it IS rude and a little unkind to ask you to do this pick up......

Natsku · 07/03/2025 22:41

It wouldn't bother me as a one off but maybe she should return the favour. But I don't know how she doesn't feel embarrassed. Another mum takes my DD to sports practice every time wwhich makes me feel so bad but there's no other option, I don't get back from work in time so if my DD couldn't get a lift she'd have to leave the team but I'd not ask for a lift just so I can do something else.

Lavenderandbrown · 07/03/2025 23:07

I don’t like the sound of it based on your op. It seems as if she asked you…someone she doesn’t even know very well…to do the pickup/dropoff so she could drink? Then rolls up to the door with a glass of wine like oh yes thank you funky dancer taxi service. Very cheeky and it seems a bit cliquey and excluding…you are good enough to help with the driving but not be included in the get together. Make this a one off…don’t do it again under any circumstances emergency or otherwise. It’s done now and you did it with grace but I would swerve her in the future.

BarracuddaYouda · 07/03/2025 23:12

Would do this for a friend but not a random school mum

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 07/03/2025 23:15

One off? Hope she enjoyed the wine. We all have bad days from time to time. She might've had bad news, be supporting a friend, had a shitty day at work or with her partner...

If it was every week, I would tell her to sort something else out

CarpetKnees · 07/03/2025 23:24

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 07/03/2025 23:15

One off? Hope she enjoyed the wine. We all have bad days from time to time. She might've had bad news, be supporting a friend, had a shitty day at work or with her partner...

If it was every week, I would tell her to sort something else out

This.

You were at the club anyway, collecting your own dd, and (I presume you would have said if otherwise) it wasn't miles and miles out of your way. Why wouldn't you ? Confused
What does it matter if someone is enjoying a night off, or at a work conference, or their car has broken, or the feel unwell ?

MN still continues to amaze me.

Original poster
FunkyDancer223 · 08/03/2025 00:08

CarpetKnees · 07/03/2025 23:24

This.

You were at the club anyway, collecting your own dd, and (I presume you would have said if otherwise) it wasn't miles and miles out of your way. Why wouldn't you ? Confused
What does it matter if someone is enjoying a night off, or at a work conference, or their car has broken, or the feel unwell ?

MN still continues to amaze me.

Show quote history

As others have said, if it was an emergency, unexpected events etc. then yes of course I would have no issue and given I was going to be there was why I agreed to it in the first place but I just wouldn't have thought that the reason for me being asked would be so she could go drinking.

I would love to be relaxing/socialising too but I am aware of my commitments. I have various car shares for other nights during the week and when its my turn then yes they can do whatever they want but there is not that arrangement with this mum and as I said is simply an acquaintance.

I would personally feel embarrassed if I did what she did.

OP posts:
BeaAndBen · 08/03/2025 00:16

I would personally feel embarrassed if I did what she did.

But you have no idea of the circumstances. She asked if you could bring the girl home and you said yes.

You don’t know if a good friend or family member had come over to celebrate some news, if she was hosting something, if her car was on the blink or if she’d had a godawful day and hoped for an hour off. You hadn’t asked and she hadn’t volunteered.

If she were to treat you like a free taxi for her child she’d be a CF. But as a one off? No worries.

And you have a favour to call in should you get stuck.

CarpetKnees · 08/03/2025 00:28

Agree with @BeaAndBen , but I will also say, if someone asks me to drop their dc home from something I was already collecting my dc from, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to me why they wanted a favour on that particular occasion. Either I could do it, or I couldn't.
Same as any time over the years I've asked if someone would help me out in the same way. I have never been asked 'Why?'. Normal folk either say "Sorry, I'm not coming home / have a car full / my dc is already having a lift from someone else / whatever reason" or "yes, no problem". No-one needs to know why, as it makes absolutely no difference.

Devianinc · 08/03/2025 00:31

Yeah, no

DPotter · 08/03/2025 00:32

Well you know not to agree next time she asks. Because if she's a CF she will ask again, no doubt about that.

I personally think it's an unspoken rule that asking for a favour from someone you hardly know should be to cover an emergency. But that's how CFs get away with it.

As I say - now you know and are forewarned to say no.

Ohhhthedrama · 08/03/2025 01:23

It wouldn't bother me at all. I've given loads of rides to kids' school friends or teammates over the years, and others have done the same for me. Whatever the reason, I'm happy to help when i can & it's always good to have a few favors in the bank.

Qwee · 08/03/2025 01:25

Next time you say No, as no doubt with a CF like that, there will be a next time.

roselilylavender · 08/03/2025 01:40

I think my reaction would be to think "excellent - you definitely owe me one"! Provided the girls didn't actively dislike each other, I would also be messaging the other mum this weekend to suggest a routine lift share and then make some social plans myself for the weeks I wasn't on duty.

coxesorangepippin · 08/03/2025 01:45

It's just so freeloading

TappyGilmore · 08/03/2025 01:55

I think it’s really cheeky. I think she should have at least offered an explanation as to why she was asking you to drop the child off. You then could have made an informed decision as to whether you wanted to help. You probably would have still done it anyway, but it wouldn’t have left you feeling like you were being taken advantage of.

Pallisers · 08/03/2025 01:56

very cheeky. Like a pp said you ask someone you don't know and whose child isn't friendly with yours in an emergency/you are stuck. not because you want to have a glass of wine with your pals.

GravyBoatWars · 08/03/2025 01:56

If you ask for a returned favor and she blanks you then I'd have a problem. Or if it was way out of your way. Or this was a habitual thing. Or if she had spun you some story of hardship and it turned out to be a lie.

Otherwise? I have no issue and the reaction to this is a little depressing. Is it really that burdensome to do something so easy that makes another mum's life a little better on a given day?