Asked to pick up daughter's team mate from sports club

[FunkyDancer223]

Earlier today I got a message from one of the mums on my daughter's sports team, we know each other from the school gates but speak infrequently. This is actually the first time she has ever messaged me. So she asked if I was going to be picking my daughter up at sports club and if so would I be able to pick hers up as well. Aside from them playing on the same team they do not ever really play with each other outside of the sports club.

I didn't think too much of it so said yes, she said great and then said if I could drop her at one of her older sisters friends house. Again I thought that maybe she was picking up the older sister and as such could pick the younger one at the same place.

When I went to drop her off though the friend's parent answered the door and then her mum came to the door as well with glass of wine in hand. I could then hear there was a few others as well so obviously she was having a mums night with some drinks.

To me this doesn't seem right to be asking someone else to be doing your responsibilities to pick up your child from their activities just so you can go to a friends house and start drinking for the evening. If I was in her position I would have just got my daughter and then if I knew there was a social thing on that evening just joined in later on as it wasn't as though the club finished late.

So just thought I would ask whether I was being unreasonable.

One off fine. I remember giving one a lift their car not working. The mam was doing her nails clients from home. I did feel a bit used. Her attitude was you going anyway. After that we just took our own child

In the 70s I had a neighbour who was pregnant, I had just had my baby, I knew she was supposed to be resting as she had high blood pressure. I called to ask her if she needed any shopping, as I was walking to the local shops with my big pram, she said "yes, would I pick up some cigarettesfor her?" I did, it felt like the walk of shame, tucking the fags under the pram blanket as I walked home. I didn't offer again............

Why does it make a difference what she was doing with her time? You were doing her a favour, that was very nice of you. I'm sure you'll be able to rely on her to return the favour.

Such a waste of time and petrol for each parent to pick up one child separately. Surely, pooling is what makes sense whether there's something on or not?

I always find this type of reply so strangely obtuse.

Of course I care what she's doing.
Her or her child are not my friends.

I don't want vague acquaintances asking for lifts and bothering me because we share an activity, so they can go drinking.

I am not interested in doing favours for someone on that basis. I don't want them texting me and asking me to go out of my way.

I will however help someone badly stuck.
Wanting to go drinking is not badly stuck.

I would be pissed off by this and she would know it, and so would other mothers.

I am not a taxi.

"Can you come over while the girls have a playdate so we can catch up, it been a while/I need to talk to you about something/ I need some advice."

"Hmmm other daughter has an activity that night but I could see if someone's able to drop her over after"

texts another mum with daughter in same activity who is likely passing and not going out of her way

Really don't know what the problem is. Have done favours for friends and acquaintances like this and never thought to place certain conditions on it. Odd.

Jesus Christ, some people are petty!

So I heard from a friend of a friend this morning that it was a planned mums get together - whether that makes a difference or not.

The other aspect that actually winds me up is that she didn't thank me last night when her kid was dropped off and no text message today either.

To me this definitely feels like she is taking the P.

Will just be politely declining in the future with generic excuse!

It is the literal definition of "No trouble"!

Not saying thank you is rude and would annoy me. That's a seperate issue though.

Odd time fine. A mum and I carpool now bit easier. There was one a few years back always bumming lifts. Just cheeky I think! On my girls team (twins) they always ask lifts. Nobody replies now they 19. Its every week they ask

Definitely Cheeky Fuckery it would be different if she was a friend, she has taken you for a ride

I wonder if she asked you because she has already hacked off the DM's of other girls in the activity group who DD is more friendly with?
Maybe if you asked her to return the favour in a week or two, it would become more obvious?

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit Definitely Cheeky Fuckery it would be different if she was a friend, she has taken you for a ride

Surely being taken for a ride involves being somehow inconvenienced or losing out in some way?

Happy International Women’s Day ladies!
Ffs. It’s tough being a mum, juggling everything we do. I’m definitely in deficit over the number of lifts my kids have had to and from football over the years.
But when someone needs a lift and I can oblige, I’d always offer, no matter why they need it.
Just be kind x

You're either happy to do the favour or you're not. If you'll only do a favour when the reason is one you seem good enough, just don't bother. It's not for you to decide when others can ask for a favour.

I'd be more than happy to help out so another mother could socialise. You sound like you could do with some yourself, unclench a bit.

Yes it's cheeky, but there's nothing you can do about it - it's done now.

But I wouldn't be available for lifts moving forward.
If she asks, just a "not this time" will be more than adequate. She'll know why the slightly cool tone. And if this woman thinks you're a cold bitch, then who cares? You hardly know the woman.

Shy bairns get nowt as they say.

Yes it was cheeky to ask a nearly stranger to drop off her kid because she was on an afternoon bender. I wouldn't be doing it again.

Love the judgemental tone of "go drinking"! 🤣

Can the people who are so outraged put into words the reason they object? How
Is the lift giver losing out in this scenario?

I don't think it was cheeky, you could've said no so it's not like she gave you no option but to pick up her child. I'd just count it as a favour in hand - next time you can't or don't want to pick up, ask her to.

I’d be fine with it and also see it as a good opportunity to potentially share lifts in the future if they live close. She didn’t lie to you or make out she couldn’t pick her up, she just asked you if you could. Honestly it wouldn’t bother me at all unless I’d gone out of my way significantly.

@CurlewKate

I do think the reason matters. If you're going to ask a stranger for childcare it needs to be an emergency and not because you've gone on the piss

You seem to have very strong feelings about this scenario....not all requests for favours are cheeky but some are and in my opinion this was....

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit "I do think the reason matters. If you're going to ask a stranger for childcare it needs to be an emergency and not because you've gone on the piss"

There's that judgement again! Can you explain why it matters? And it's not childcare-it's adding another person to a car trip the OP is doing anyway.
And yes, I do feel strongly about it. I think people should help each other out. Particularly other mothers.

That's your opinion. Others don't share it. Give a lift, don't give a lift, whatever. Judging whether someone should have asked....nah. that's narcissistic.

The mum made the fatal mistake of arriving at the door clutching her wine. That would annoy me, whether I was part of that friendship group or not.

Sorry for you, OP. It's horrible to feel like an off the cuff the taxi service.

I hope you'll be declining any more requests in the future.