To feel utterly fed up and want to give up (a money one)

[Huppli]

I’m in a really intense job which means I’m logging into work most evenings and some weekends. I am paid reasonably well for this (70k). However, I cannot get ahead with anything. Me and ex DP share everything financially for DD, he often pays more for big items like new bed or things like that. He earns more. So there’s no issue on that front. But I literally cannot get ahead with anything. I save 150 a month and it seems pointless, it’s not even 2k a year! I will never be able to buy a home and my rent is 800 a month for a very small two bed house. I just want to give up. The 2k will be used for a holiday for dd but obviously that will be on a budget as flights are around 400 plus. I never ever have anything for myself as I just can’t justify it. Yet here I am working to the bone. I want to go off sick or just give up. Just having a rant really. Anyone else feel the same? Am I doing something wrong?

What are you spending money on? Apart from rent? And what is your wage per month?

800 a month for rent is very good.

Are you paying nursery fees? That can eat up a lot of money.

You should be clearing over £4000 per month on £70k PA
Your rent is £800
savings £150
where is the rest going?
do you have childcare, student loans, servicing debt?

Did I read that right? You earn £70k, your partner earns more than that and pays his share of costs (plus extras), your rent is only £800pm and you feel you can’t save more than £150pm?

Where is all your money going? I manage on a lot less than that with zero help from my ex and I have 2 teenage kids to pay for.

Not to be that person but £70k a year and your rent is only £800 plus your ex pays for half of everything for the kids. You really should be fine!

You probably need to have a look at your budget.

We earn about that combined and saved for a mortgage and our monthly mortgage payment is now more than you pay in rent.

It sounds like there must be huge hidden costs somewhere. What do you take home, what are your outgoings?

Are you paying huge nursery fees? Do you get any maintenance from the ex? I'm on less than that and saving more than that.

Blimey

My rent is £750 a month and I’ve just been made redundant and I’m basically going to be paying my rent out of my benefits and not much else til I can get another job but I’m doing a fostering assessment which is tying up my time with meetings and appointments …

Sometimes you need to be grateful of the things you have rather than the things you don’t . There’s plenty of ppl in this world with far far far less .
Enjoy your child first and foremost and everything else is a bonus .

I have student loans (usual one and also a professional one), so that’s around 650 a month on that. Nursery is 1600 split between me and her dad

Ok, so £70k a year should be £4,250 or so a month after tax. Less £650 loans, £800 rent and £800 nursery leaves £2,000

You probably need to look carefully at what is coming out of that; it does feel as if there should be room for more savings.

It seems crazy that you make 70k and after 800 per month rent you are still broke? That's very reasonable rent in my eyes.

This is not a judgement, I just feel like you must have some other big costs. Could you reduce them?

So then you have £2000 leftover after housing and childcare costs. That’s more than some people’s entire wage packet.
You’ve just got bills and everyday costs. You have plenty. This is a budget issue. You’re probably just thinking “I want 70k a year so can do expensive things and have whatever I want” but actually, even on that salary, you still need to budget. If your ex earns more and you split everything for your child 50/50 then you need to explain to him that you can’t afford everything and cut down. Only pay for what you can comfortably afford whilst having enough leftover to save etc. Your daughter just won’t be able to have everything, and you need to create and stick to a budget.

I can’t reduce nursery or student loans. Even saving 500 a month (which feels impossible) wouldn’t mean I would ever have enough for a deposit

@Quinlan im never going to be able to save enough for a house deposit though

I voted YABU as you earn almost twice what I do as a single parent and your rent is less than my mortgage.

But then your massive dripfeed about £1450pm of other bills shifts that. How long until she starts school and you get £800pm back?

Nursery costs aren’t forever so you’ll get that back soon enough. People on less than you save for house deposits. Yes, you can. You need to budget. You can’t play “keeping up with the Jones’s” when it comes to your ex. You’ll have to budget and say no when he wants to get stuff for your child and asks you to split it. As long as she is clothed and fed and get some extra-curricular like swimming and then whatever hobby she enjoys or something, then that’s enough. You won’t be able to do constant days out, nights out, dinners out etc. You have to budget.

Nursery fees won’t last forever. That’s nearly £9k a year in the future to save. Put it in a Lifetime ISA and you’d have a deposit in a few years.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/ I would recommend you put everything into the spreadsheet here and work out where it's all going.

you have a budgeting problem - what are you spending your money on?

Second the money saving expert resources. If your take home is £4k, then outgoings you have mentioned so far are £800 rent £800 nursery and £650 student loan. Which leaves £1750 per month. How much are your other bills/outgoings? Can you explore ways to cut down on food bill or if there are any direct debits you can cut. I try to look at the most expensive things I buy at the supermarket and whether I can get them cheaper or just buy them less. I also look at my spending each month and see if I can cut down or set myself a budget for things like clothes shopping or eating out. Start the saving habit now rather than despairing, look at cheaper holiday options, and once DD starts school your childcare bill will go down and you can save that money too.

Even saving the nursery fees will mean 9k a year saved. How on earth is that going to buy a house with the way prices are going up all the time

Why how much is a house in your area? We bought last year and saved enough and combined we earn about what you do and have a child in nursery and a teen. It took us until late 30s but we did it.

You keep saying you won't be able to save for a house deposit. Most people do this as a couple and before they have children - for obvious reasons!