A bit of background… Partner and I have been together 6/7 years, but known each other for 14. After the first year he moved to my home town (around an hour from his) and we bought our first house. Since then we have had 3DC.
Partner has a very social job and works late (in a social setting) usually at least once per week, as well as at least a couple of nights away overnight stays per month, leaving me with the children, the youngest 3MO. We have no external childcare support from family much to help out either. Partner also has social hobbies, one meaning he travels to another country on average once per month, although in January this year when DD was 1 MO he went away three times. In his defence, he doesn’t have many friends locally and this is his way of socialising with friends, mine whom I see more often and do things with the children etc.
This week DS, (4YO) has been unwell. Partner told me he was going out socially last night, I asked him not to as he is away majority of next week and was also away one night last week (with friends). He said he’d come home after work as usual. At 5pm he tells me no he isn’t coming home he is going out, he’d been drinking since lunch time and got tunnel vision, obviously forgetting he’d said he’d come home, I told him DS is getting worse and poorly.
By 6pm DS temperature has risen to 41.3 and I call 111 to which I’m told to take him to hospital within two hours. I call upon my mum who came to watch the baby so I could take him. Partners phone straight to VM, no messages delivering at all so he has no signal in the pub. I keep him updated with messages that remain undelivered. At this point I’m really quite angry.
Eventually at 9pm he calls, clearly incredibly drunk and not making much sense. We all get home at a similar time, at which point we argue and he is effing and blinding saying it’s the end of the relationship, I’m always on a witch hunt etc etc.
My issue is that ultimately he is wasn’t there when we needed him and I feel like we are always second best to his own plans. He has no empathy or understand how it feels to be relied upon alone by the children. His issue is that he doesn’t get to do enough and feels like I always have a problem with his plans. This whole situation has been somehow made out that I am now in the wrong for being mad at him - every time something happens he manipulates the situation and turns it into my fault.
Am I being totally unreasonable here? I don’t want to potentially lose this relationship and man who is actually a great father if I’m the one in the wrong!