Are people getting more horrible?

[NewtoLaw]

Morning, this post is following an interaction in the workplace but applies to all areas of life.

Is it me or are people, especially women in my experience becoming unkinder and unnecessarily aggressive?

My example comes from my new workplace.
Ive just started working in a law firm, conveyancing. I know it’s stressful but almost everyone I speak to is unkind and nasty, completely unnecessarily. I explain I’m new to the transaction and ask if they can provide a contact email for the person they are referencing as there doesn’t appear to be one on the file. The response was incredible!

Not just this, I’ve had 3 instances this week of aggressive behaviour. I always try to be respectful and mindful of how I come across to others.

Im not a young woman just out of college (not that this would make it more acceptable). Im in my 40s with loads of life experience and just struggling this week.

I think the last few years since covid have been shit for almost everyone (at least in my circles) - physically with the strain on the NHS, financially with cost of living, mentally with covid and knock ons, emotionally with the wars/politics. IMO it's less about people deliberately acting nastier, and just the knock on effect of everyone's lives getting more stressful.

People I know at work and in my social circle are lovely. Really nice. However, I've noticed how horrible people are online.

The world is getting more horrible.

Thank you, yes I agree life is more stressful.
Ive lost a job, a parent, had a period of very poor health (thankfully now recovered). But blatant unkindness/rudeness to strangers seems to be on the increase.

People have less time for niceties but equally I think people can be more sensitive now and read a lot into a statement they should be taking at face value.

That’s good to hear about your close circle.

It’s hard work when those you work with are horrible. Not all I must add.

Maybe I am being over sensitive?

Yes, just read some of the threads on here! Some of the replies to posts are breathtakingly aggressive and deeply unpleasant.

Men get called assertive and confident, women get called aggressive and unkind.

The reply I refer to in my OP took an awful lot longer to write than a simple, here it is …
She did eventually enclose the mail address at the end and must have felt better getting it off her chest 🤣

It’s men and women, I’m not being gender specific.although the incident today was a woman so I guess I’m thinking of her when I write.

Yeah I agree OP. I'm still reeling from the extremely nasty comments about parents on the last thread I was reading. You know the sort of thread that makes you just take a big step back and not even try to say anything. Some people are awful and I think giving them a keyboard seems to make their true selves come out.

You said especially women.

When male violence against women and girls is an ever increasing problem, it’s hardly women’s behaviour that is becoming more aggressive

I’m not perfect. I know that - but do try to be cautious, particularly over email that I’m not being harsh.

it’s much easier online to be unkind.

I explained that my recent interaction was with a woman so it’s forefront of my mind.
Men and women are equally guilty.

Women in my current workplace are much more aggressive in my recent experience. I don’t think male violence is the reason.

I'm naturally a kind and giving person and I've noticed some really unnecessarily rude and horrible people or loud, drama etc , I've honestly given up and tend to just keep myself to myself. Much better that way

I am a huge introvert - possibly part of the problem. Over sensitive too!

Just to say some law firms can be a bit hierarchical and she might just be looking to put you in your place. Don't stand for that shit though there's plenty of other firms decent enough to work at.

That sort of mean snarky behaviour usually comes from the top. If the boss is like that, everyone else models it.

Yes, you just have to look at some of the threads on here, god forbid you put your opinion forward. I have had my opinion or experience ripped apart by some women on here and it's just not necessary

I was reading some of the old threads in mumsnet classics recently, the early ones circa 2012 are funny and the responses are lovely. there’s none of this constant “telling it like it is” crap, which is just an excuse for picking people apart. People are vicious online and I think it spills over into real life where they forget there are more actual consequences. I do see a lot more entitled unpleasantly rude behaviour in real life just out and about and they think you won’t say anything to them. I do. Then I probably come across as a nasty rude aggressive arsehole to them.

They’re not equally guilty. Male aggression is evidently worse. Just because you haven’t experienced that in your workplace doesn’t mean women are the problem. This is a misogynistic idea that women should always be soft and fluffy. They’re just people with their own shit going on.

I find in toxic work cultures that ‘killing them with kindness’ can sometimes turn things around.

I think horrible behaviour spreads. When you get treated badly you get hurt and you then start to think the worst of other behaviour that may well just be neutral. That makes you more likely to treat others badly and it just fucking spreads. Seen that in action a lot.

You didn’t say women in your workplace, you just said women.

You took a few personal experiences and applied it to the whole female sex.

I think the world has changed a lot since then. I can’t hold with this idea that women have got more aggressive. I think it’s a good thing. Women are disadvantaged on many fronts and probably in 2012 there were many of them giving a nice polite Stepford wife front but internalising anger and frustration. Women should assert themselves and call out bullshit. I want my dds to grow up like that rather than sucking it up and being demure smiling wallflowers.