All my immediate family are going to my niece's wedding except me

[Anonanonandon]

My niece is getting married in July. They want a quiet wedding, no fuss so it is just her, fiancee and their parents, grandparents and siblings. I have no problem with her decision.

My sister and her DH are doing all the organising. I am very close to my niece, as is my brother. I learned yesterday that my brother will be at the wedding as the photographer, this has been arranged by my sister and her DH, not by my niece. I know my niece would be devastated to know I am upset.

I am very hurt, we are a small family, my sister and I are each other 's best friends, or so I thought, but I shall be the only member of 'our' family who will not be at the wedding.

I know I can't go as my BIL has 3 siblings who have not been invited and if I go it will cause him huge problems.

I have told my DS and BIL that I am upset, they have apologised, they just didn't think it through. They too are now upset.

AIBU to be upset or have I got it all out of perspective.

I can definitely see why you’re upset and think you’re being quite reasonable about it. It’s not a terrible thing to express that this has upset you to your sister and you acknowledge it would be too difficult to invite you now as it involves inviting others. I’m from a small, close family with a brother and sister and would feel exactly the same.

I think the hurt comes from a place where you thought your “close” relationship with your niece was one thing and now you’re finding out it wasn’t quite what you thought. When people choose who to invite/not invite to weddings, this is based on who they are closest to and who they most want to celebrate their special day with. When it’s someone you would choose to put in that space and they don’t choose you then yes, understandably upsetting.

Like others have suggested, I would take a step back and accept that the relationship isn’t as close as you thought and respond appropriately if/when you are asked for/to do something that is not consistent with this more distant relationship.

Presumably the bride wants her own mother at her wedding even if it’s small.

Let the couple have what they want. Don’t upset your lovely niece and make her feel bad. You’ll have her in your life for years to come and this is just one day.

Horrific isn't it! That a bride and groom are having the wedding they want to be happy!
Don't they understand the people who's wants are to be met are their 'loving family'?!
You know the ones who will cut you and any future child out of their life if their demands are not prioritised for a one day event?