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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not know how to thank my neighbour?

96 replies

blindknot · 05/03/2025 19:31

Posting for traffic, shamelessly....sorry.

My lovely neighbour is an Indian man with three daughters. He's been such an amazing help to me over the last year as I have two babies and also primary age children.
He will take my 9 year old with him on the school run as he's dropping his own daughter off. This has saved me an enormous amount of time and aggro, getting two babies fed and ready to travel is hard work!

How can I thank him properly? I want to buy him a gift but as I know nothing really about their culture I don't want to get it wrong. What would you do to show appreciation?

OP posts:
Crazybaby123 · 05/03/2025 21:23

Plant you can eat. Maybe a chilli plant or one of those sets with a few different herbs that can go on your sindow sill.

JayJayEl · 05/03/2025 21:24

Why are you going on and on about cultural/social norms?? Gift giving is gift giving, regardless of a person's heritage/race/culture/religion/traditions.

And even if it was against their beliefs, in [y]our culture it is normal to give a gift as a thank you.

I understand this comes from a good place, but you are massively overthinking this, and making it all about that fact that he is not British. Just do what you would if it was a white, British neighbour.

Alwaystired2023 · 05/03/2025 21:25

I think a gift is fine, and a card - but honestly echo the other suggestions to invite them round, maybe for tea and cake if you don't fancy preparing a meal (I wouldn't either after smelling their amazing food cooking)

MangshorJhol · 05/03/2025 21:26

Most Indians are actually non-vegetarian (70-80%)
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-43581122.amp
Hindi is a language though. Spoken by many (including me- badly- it’s my third/fourth language). Anyway, biscuits and chocolates. Even in India we eat biscuits and chocolates. You can’t go wrong with that.

An Indian butcher cuts beef in his shop in Srinagar on September 10, 2015.

The myth of the Indian vegetarian nation - BBC News

India is not a largely vegetarian country, and more people consume beef than previously estimated.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-43581122.amp

JayJayEl · 05/03/2025 21:28

blindknot · 05/03/2025 20:58

I don't think they would agree. When they first moved in they didn't have a car for a year and I offered to drive their daughter to school with mine. They politely declined.

I think they have really pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and never asked for any help...but will gladly offer it.

Show quote history

A little off topic (apologies), but why do you think that your neighbours have "pulled themselves up by their bootstraps? Genuine question - am interested! X

ShamrockShenanigans · 05/03/2025 21:32

blindknot · 05/03/2025 19:34

He's the loveliest man. He said when I first asked him, 'yah, is no problem. You is neighbour, I help' and shook my hand.

Yes we get he's Indian.

No need for you to type in broken English 🙄

My parents are Irish but not every thank you gift given to them has to be related to Ireland.

magimedi · 05/03/2025 21:32

No to gift cards or vouchers. Far too much like paying someone.

Just ask them into your house for a meal or if you don't feel up to that ask them round for tea & cakes.

Hospitality is a great gift.

JayJayEl · 05/03/2025 21:33

ShamrockShenanigans · 05/03/2025 21:32

Yes we get he's Indian.

No need for you to type in broken English 🙄

My parents are Irish but not every thank you gift given to them has to be related to Ireland.

Show quote history

Thank you for (better) putting in to words what I was also thinking!

38woman · 05/03/2025 21:34

I agree with the hamper idea. A lovely gift. Old fashioned lemonade, sweets, biscuits, good quality chocolate, a lovely candle, a jar of flowers, lovely napkins perhaps? X

Dollydaydream100 · 05/03/2025 21:35

Hmmm 🤔

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/03/2025 21:35

Lurkingandlearning · 05/03/2025 20:31

I think a gift card is a terrible idea. It’s like giving him cash. A monetary payment for kindness is not is it tasteless and rather superior. Especially for a supermarket. Do you think they can’t afford food because that’s what that would look like.

Inviting them in for a meal is much more in the spirit of the kindness he has shown you. Just because they cook well doesn’t mean they cook everything well. They might love a homemade lasagne. They sound lovely and like they would appreciate the gesture more than cash that has limitations on where it can be spent ( voucher)

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Yes! Or baking a cake etc. would go down a lot better.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/03/2025 21:36

ShamrockShenanigans · 05/03/2025 21:32

Yes we get he's Indian.

No need for you to type in broken English 🙄

My parents are Irish but not every thank you gift given to them has to be related to Ireland.

Show quote history

This. Sorry, OP I’m sure you’re lovely and you’re trying to do a nice thing, but writing it like that seemed horribly patronising.

Hooliewhat · 05/03/2025 21:36

blindknot · 05/03/2025 19:40

I wouldn't know where to start with that! When he opens his front door the smell from inside is beautiful. I said to him tonight 'who is the cook? That smells divine!' He got his daughter to translate and said his wife is working in a factory so he's made dinner. I can't very well invite them over for lasagne, I'd die at my lack of culinary skill. 😂

I think maybe gifts for his girls might be the way. He's clearly a very doting father, working nights and running his kids around...and mine too.

Do tea and cakes, maybe plate of cucumber sandwiches

ShamrockShenanigans · 05/03/2025 21:38

JayJayEl · 05/03/2025 21:33

Thank you for (better) putting in to words what I was also thinking!

Show quote history

I just absolutely hate 'othering' even if it does come from a good place.

The guy is a great neighbour from the sound of it and a thoughtful man.

But the fawning over the 'beautiful divine smells' when he's cooking a bit of dinner is definitely 'othering' because of his heritage.

Not just this particular OP but so many others in the past.

Just buy him a cake or a tin of biscuits and tell him if you can ever do the same with his DD you will.

JayJayEl · 05/03/2025 21:41

ShamrockShenanigans · 05/03/2025 21:38

I just absolutely hate 'othering' even if it does come from a good place.

The guy is a great neighbour from the sound of it and a thoughtful man.

But the fawning over the 'beautiful divine smells' when he's cooking a bit of dinner is definitely 'othering' because of his heritage.

Not just this particular OP but so many others in the past.

Just buy him a cake or a tin of biscuits and tell him if you can ever do the same with his DD you will.

Show quote history

Absolutely - I would go so far as to say it's bordering on racial/cultural microaggresion.

blindknot · 05/03/2025 21:46

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crockofshite · 05/03/2025 21:46

Bake them a cake. Who doesn't like cake?! And it's something all the family can enjoy.

JayJayEl · 05/03/2025 21:48

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You didn't just mention it. You went on and on and on about it. It's akin to someone telling you they are gay so you then tell them aaaaall about the wonderful gays in your life. It's patronising and tiring.

Woodythewonderpony · 05/03/2025 21:49

I’d bake a cake, maybe a simnel cake as Easter is coming

TheAlertFinch · 05/03/2025 21:50

Just get him some nice chocolates or biscuits.

InWalksBarberalla · 05/03/2025 21:50

blindknot · 05/03/2025 20:51

I'm guessing that they are Hindi? I don't know because I'm absolutely fucking clueless on these matters, but there isn't any Sikh turban wearing, and they do celebrate Christmas, with decorations on the house at least.

They could be Christians. Agree with sweets, chocolates or plant.

BlueMum16 · 05/03/2025 21:52

blindknot · 05/03/2025 20:55

Can I build them a hamper? With a few vegan chocs, vegan artisan stuff, crackers, popcorn etc? Would that be ok? And a bottle of Prosecco or something? Would they like that?

I've no idea why I'm stressing so much about this matter! I just want to show my gratitude and not fuck it up.

Why Vegan? No alcohol.

A box of chocolates or a tub of biscuits is fine.

If plants get a few indoor herbs so he can grow his own for cooking maybe?

Hoppinggreen · 05/03/2025 21:52

How about potted herbs?
Coriander and mint are good in a lot of Indian cooking, or a chili plant?
I have a lot of clients from India and Pakistan and they always want to cook for me. I tend to take potted herbs for them and things like stickers for the kids.

blindknot · 05/03/2025 21:53

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LBFseBrom · 05/03/2025 21:53

I think a plant would be perfect, something suitable for indoors or out and maybe a little treat for his daughters, accompanied by a really nice card with heartfelt message.

That would be appreciated by anyone.

He sounds great. I hope you get to know the family better.

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