Hostile neighbour regarding fencing

[RubyRoo29]

Sorry but it's a bit of a long one.

During the severe storms we had back in December our fence was blown down. We have started to gather quotes for a new fence. This is where the problem started. We had a contractor out this evening for a quote to which our neighbour shouted at us and him that we are not to step foot on his property. We have been nothing but good neighbours to him and have looked out for him over the last four years we have lived here as he is elderly and alone. He then went into his back garden and started blaming us for the fence falling down back in December and apparently we have been throwing weed killer into his garden and allowing others to jump over the fence into his garden. He then started shouting and swearing at us to say how dare we even consider getting the fence fixed and he will do it in his own time when he is ready despite us now being unable to allow our dog out into the garden for nearly 3
Months now due to the risks of him escaping. The whole argument got a bit heated as he was blaming us for the fence falling down in the wind. So I think my whole question here is AIBU for being so upset by the way he acted over wanting to have a fence that is secure in our garden. We are trying to determine where the boundary line is. If anyone could help that would be fantastic too. In context the fence is on our front door line if that makes sense and the good side faces us but it was put up before we moved in. Any responses would be amazing and thank you if you are still hear reading this

That isn't always the case

I guess we will see what happens tomorrow. I am hoping he has time to think about it overnight and will maybe speak to us tomorrow. If not then I'm guessing we will just put the fence back onto his property and build a new one on our property line. I'm just really upset and disappointed that it played out like this I think but as others have said I think he may be suffering from some issues and is not thinking logically but I guess we will see

You can put the fence on your property line but it looks like you don’t have much room. He could also be way over the property line. You might need a land survey

Our neighbour was awkward it's taken 8 years and many repairs because he didn't want it changed. He wouldn't let us touch the ivy which was adding to the weight. Thank god storm Darrah finally smashed it to smithereens. We got quotes he tried to insist on the type, we ignored, he tried to give us some money we refused. The panels went up . He's so delighted he's getting them in to do some for him. And the bloody ivy is no more 👋

No. We paid for our fence on our boundary and put the good side facing us because it’s our blooming fence.
You need to find out whose fence it is before doing anything though. If it’s not your fence and he doesn’t want you to touch it then leave it alone. You have the choice of putting your own fence up on your boundary.

Hopefully he has time to calm down

He may be worried about the costs of repair.

If you are happy, and can convince him, get it repaired and bear the cost yourselves, no matter who it ultimately belongs to.

I think this is the most expedient thing.

It does sound like your neighbour is suffering a little, and possibly could do with some help from a kindly referral to social services. ( aged care)

We have fence posts with the cross bars and planks attached. One of these was giving way, and I asked my husband if we could just install another post, next to the one which was less stable.

That wasn’t an option, and he was quite rude and nasty about the idea, until talking about it with my brother, who confirmed it was a good option, and this is what my husband did.

It was a cheap repair for us, and doesn’t look odd, that there are two posts together.
Men !! ( mine hasn’t even got old age as an excuse )

No. You can put up a fence on your property inside his fence. We have done this as our neighbours didn't want the fence touched. The grey fence was the original one, the horizontal slatted fence is the new one - the old one is still there. (The cats are mine)

I have a close family member with dementia and this all sounds sadly very typical. Falling out with lots of people, them not understanding, paranoia and thinking everyone's out to get them, security concerns etc. I would say a good possibility they are ill.

It used to be the convention to give your neighbour the good side. Not sure if that was for practical reasons (easy access to the posts) as well as courtesy.

Similar experience with our elderly neighbour. My advice is just crack on and get the fence done, the longer it goes on the more obsessive he will become about it.

just put up your own my neigbour has done this suits me dont have to worry about that side now- you cant make hhim do anyting on his own property

I think we have a plan. We are just going to place the broken fence back onto his property and build our own fence up as he can't say anything then. Also think we are going to install some cameras this weekend as he can't accuse of us anything then and gives us peace of mind if anything was to happen with our fencing.

Thank you for all your kind comments and suggestions

That's good your dogs need to be safe

Absolutely. He breaks my heart when he can't get to the garden he's such a sunshine lover and can spend hours out in the garden when it's lovely out so it's such a shame

It’s possible he is experiencing the effects of sun downing which mean late afternoon, early evening behaviours and confusion can be totally different to the norm.

This seems entirely possible. If he was previously pleasant and you had a good relationship alzheimers/dementia seems very likely.

MIL who had alzheimers fell out with both neighbours who were friends for 40 plus years and just couldn't see reason. Her personality genuinely changed and it was so sad to see. Neighbours had sunflowers and we had months of phone calls saying kids were at her fence staring in the house.

He's lucky to have a neighbour like you. You shouldn't stop any of you plans but he fact that your concerned is really nice. Just be prepared thar pretty soon you may need to involve the police or SS if you are genuinely worried for his safety. MIL was found walking the streets alone with no coat at 2 in the morning and was found by a very kind man who took her home and called the police

Can you contact your solicitor who dealt with the conveyancing. We have to this as the copy we downloaded (and had) didn't show t marks/the boundary mark covered it. But the solicitor was able to view some sort of different documentation (maybe original title deeds) they received during the process and were then able to show us.

Yes it does look like it’s his fence. If I was you I would take up your patio tiles and then put up a new fence with the good side facing you ,just make sure it’s on your property then relay the tiles. It will cost you a bit of money but that’s worth it as you don’t want to get in a fight with your neighbour as he sounds like a nasty piece of work even if he suffers from mental health that’s not your problem ,look after your own mental health as he is the type who will ruin that. You’ve got rights too so don’t let this guy intimidate you. Good luck.

Your photo looks like it attaches to a wooden post from your side or are the panels slotted in. Whose property are the posts in.

Is there any gap between your patio and the fence

If he is in the grip of Dementia it's really not a case of "how can he be like that when we've been so kind" - he won't be that in control of his emotions or reactions, hard maybe for you to experience of course but harder still for him....

'Good side facing' is not a standard rule to detwrmine ownership. If, for example, you have a strong wind sweeping from the west, then the fence stands up to the wind better if the 'bad' side is East facing. We have that at ours, and we paid 50/50on that fence. We have the good side on the other side.

Yes there is some earth between the patio and the fence

Sounds like dementia or Alzheimer's could be starting as early stages are misunderstanding situations and then aggression due to misunderstanding the reality of what's going on.

My husband seems to think it is attached to our wall but I think if he wants the fence to stay there then we will just build a new fence in front of it to avoid any future arguments