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Original poster

Can my family take me to court to see my children

106 replies

godfreyfour · 05/03/2025 13:16

I have a very toxic mum and sister who I cut contact with many years ago.
I've since married and had 3 children 1, 5 and 7 who have never met them or heard anything about them we and don't live in the area.
We have dh family and the children have loving grandparents/cousins and extended family on his side.

I've always been very discrete on social media blocking anyone I didn't want to see me and keeping profiles private but it appears to have got back to them and that I have children, they've contacted me through a third party to insist I allow them to meet my children which I've declined and now the message relayed to me is that they'll see me in court because I'm preventing them from meeting grandchildren children/niece/nephews which they think they have a right to.

Are they likely to be able to have contact with my children who are completely unaware of these people and without me as I don't want any contact with them?
I really don't want to have to spend a fortune on legal fees just to keep life as it is.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 05/03/2025 14:54

They’re just trying to frighten and bully you. The very second they discover that taking someone to court isn’t free, it will all go away. Don’t reply to them, because they’ll only learn that they can provoke a response from you if they push hard enough. I’d also be inclined to block your ‘friend’, just in case she’s been fed a load of old flannel by your family.

I might also be inclined to speak to the children’s schools, nurseries etc and ask that an extra eye be kept on them when they’re in the playground, just to make sure no strange women are hanging about trying to talk to them. They won’t be the only children in that sort of situation so the school won’t judge you or demand details beyond there being no contact. I’m sure they’ll never know what they look like or what school they go to, but I’m a big fan of being prepared for the worst case scenario.

HermioneWeasley · 05/03/2025 14:56

Agree with all the others saying don’t even acknowledge or respond to this. And distance yourself from the third party messenger

AngelicKaty · 05/03/2025 14:57

Lookatthiscake · 05/03/2025 14:39

I think ‘we’ll take you to court’ is often a meaningless threat, thrown around and meant to scare the other party.

In reality, they will find out that they need to actually take action, seek advice and pay for that advice, without any surety that they will get what they want.

I bet a high proportion of people never get past the initial threat.

Ignore and let them start their legal process.

( in your case safe in the knowledge that they won't ‘win’)

I agree. The majority of times when people say "see you in court", they haven't got a clue about what's involved in bringing a case, including the costs if they're not eligible for Civil Legal Aid 😂.

Pinkyhere · 05/03/2025 14:59

As a precaution, I would inform the school or any activity the kids go to alone that your relatives do not have your permission to collect etc

Balloonhearts · 05/03/2025 15:00

No. They can take you to court if they like but they won't get anywhere with it. The only way they would be granted contact is if they already had a close relationship with the children and it was considered in the children's best interests to preserve it.

MyDeftDuck · 05/03/2025 15:02

Grandparents have no legal right to access to their grandchildren. Stop worrying and focus on being a parent.
My advice........come off social media completely; stop posting anything that you don't want family to see. The friends you really care about will understand your motives for doing this and it will prevent your estranged relatives from seeing things you want kept private.

Waterweight · 05/03/2025 15:20

I wish! We actually have family members we would like to see (no problems with the kids themselves sort of thing) & there is no legal route for it.

It's obviously not fair in alot of cases but can also protect children in cases were family's have a history of abuse which can't be proven ect.

You need to think realistically though if it's "gotten back to them" you have children then you've had no contact for at least 7 years + the original pregnancy & have never known each other as adults with kids/family's so are projecting a childhood image onto them.

Protect yourself first 100% but don't create an environment where your kids may 1 day seek them out because they don't have experience or first hand knowledge of them.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/03/2025 15:25

Do not respond and remove yourself from SM entirely.

This old friend aka flying monkey has their own agenda and no interest in hearing your side of things so their opinion should be ignored. Block this person too going forward.

Access to grandchildren is not automatic and both your mother and sister would have to prove (and the onus is on them to do it) that a relationship between your kids and they would be beneficial. They cannot do this at all.

KnickerFolder · 05/03/2025 15:34

If they haven’t done anything in the 7 years since your eldest was born, I doubt they will now.

From a legal perspective, grandparents don’t have a legal right to see their grandchildren but your DC do have the legal right to a relationship with their extended family, if it is in their best interests.

They would have to go through mediation with you first to be able to take you to court, unless you refuse, in which case they will be allowed to apply to the court for permission to go to the family court for a child arrangements order to see your DC.

Technically, they do not fulfill the criteria to be given permission to apply for a CAO eg they lived with your DC or had an established relationship with them. However, the court may want to err on the side of caution to make sure that you are acting in your DC’s best interest. They may want CAFCAS to provide a report or they may grant permission for them to apply for a CAO so the court can investigate and assess what is in the DC’s best interests (although that doesn’t mean they will get a CAO).

Reugny · 05/03/2025 15:42

WilfredsPies · 05/03/2025 14:54

They’re just trying to frighten and bully you. The very second they discover that taking someone to court isn’t free, it will all go away. Don’t reply to them, because they’ll only learn that they can provoke a response from you if they push hard enough. I’d also be inclined to block your ‘friend’, just in case she’s been fed a load of old flannel by your family.

I might also be inclined to speak to the children’s schools, nurseries etc and ask that an extra eye be kept on them when they’re in the playground, just to make sure no strange women are hanging about trying to talk to them. They won’t be the only children in that sort of situation so the school won’t judge you or demand details beyond there being no contact. I’m sure they’ll never know what they look like or what school they go to, but I’m a big fan of being prepared for the worst case scenario.

Most nurseries and primary schools are very good at this without being told.

As I've unfortunately found out.

However its better to give the nursery/school/childminder/childcare provider/whoever the heads up.

Reugny · 05/03/2025 15:44

KnickerFolder · 05/03/2025 15:34

If they haven’t done anything in the 7 years since your eldest was born, I doubt they will now.

From a legal perspective, grandparents don’t have a legal right to see their grandchildren but your DC do have the legal right to a relationship with their extended family, if it is in their best interests.

They would have to go through mediation with you first to be able to take you to court, unless you refuse, in which case they will be allowed to apply to the court for permission to go to the family court for a child arrangements order to see your DC.

Technically, they do not fulfill the criteria to be given permission to apply for a CAO eg they lived with your DC or had an established relationship with them. However, the court may want to err on the side of caution to make sure that you are acting in your DC’s best interest. They may want CAFCAS to provide a report or they may grant permission for them to apply for a CAO so the court can investigate and assess what is in the DC’s best interests (although that doesn’t mean they will get a CAO).

The OP hasn't died so there is no reason for her to even entertain mediation and for the court to entertain her family's applications.

PlanningTowns · 05/03/2025 16:22

I’d also suggest talking to your in-laws in case they get approaches. This maybe difficult but they maybe aware of why you are nc.

don't respond to the friend at all and block. I’d also go as far as suggesting changing your number if that’s how they contacted you.

Endofyear · 05/03/2025 16:31

Absolutely not, they have no legal rights to have contact with your children and I doubt it would even get to court. Ignore them. I hope you're ok, this must have shaken you 💐

Daisymae23 · 05/03/2025 16:32

definitely seek legal advice but I was always under the impression they could only do this if it was to maintain an existing relationship and contact would be proportional to existing contact. An example where grandparents are parents to parent A who is married to Parent B. Parent A dies and Parent B has no desire to maintain relationship with parent A’s parents. The grandparents would likely have a case if they were already involved in their grand children’s lives to have some contact.

your family had zero existing relationship so don’t think they will get very far!

outerspacepotato · 05/03/2025 16:35

Is the third party relaying their demands the same person who told them you have children? Time to block that person and you might want to take down any social media you have for a while.

YourHappyJadeEagle · 05/03/2025 16:36

Let them spend money on solicitors. Unless they’re wealthy I’d bet this is just a scare tactic. Ignore anything they send, do not respond.
If it makes you feel better make a list of why you went NC. It’s there is you ever need it and I find list making strangely calming.

BigHeadBertha · 05/03/2025 16:37

Good advice on this thread already, so I won't repeat it.

I find it very telling that instead of trying to patch up your broken relationship with them, their attitude is very antagonistic. Instead, they want to force their will on you, with no regard for you, with something that's sure to greatly upset you. A refresher course on how right you were to get out.

I had a long-ish bout of somewhat similar attempts but my children were already adults. I just asked my grown children to block them, which they did. After repeated ignored attempts, it finally stopped. They didn't try to get in contact with me, though. Apparently, they're still invested in playing the mistreated and angry-about-it victim, which tells me all I need to know, that nothing's changed.

Another time, a family flying monkey tried to lure me back, with a series of (ignored) contacts expressing her sudden great love for me, though we weren't close. Of course, it was clearly in the context of only wanting me to come back into the dysfunctional family system.

It seems to me these "flare ups" occur when the dysfunctional family of origin is going through something that significantly raises their stress levels. So now I'm wondering if someone died or got divorced or some other trauma that set off the current onslaught you're under. Not that it really matters; I just find it a bit interesting, in a morbid way.

Member984815 · 05/03/2025 16:41

Sounds like an idle threat , they have no relationship with them . I wouldn't reply and I'd be annoyed the third party bothered you with this .

isthesolution · 05/03/2025 16:45

Not a cat in hells chance.

If they had a close relationship with your children for years and then were stopped from seeing them then possibly but in this case - no chance.

Do not engage with them at all. If they want to spend money on taking you to court then that's their (very stupid) decision.

Porcuporpoise · 05/03/2025 17:17

Personally I would waste a penny on legal advice and I certainly wouldn't send a letter. I'd ignore it completely.

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 05/03/2025 17:36

OP, short answer is NO

If they tried to take this to a Family Court with a view to seeking a Child Arrangement Order they would need to be able to show a ‘established relationship’.

You would need to state your reasons as to why they have not seen your children etc.

If they have had zero relationship and your case is clear as to the reasons why with examples then you have no reason to worry.

It’s not even going to get that far. Any solicitor worth their salt will tell them no as they have no relationship.

Block & ignore so called friend and get on living your best life.

Just let your nearest & dearest know in case they start getting any strange friends requests on social media & do they know where you live would be my only concern…..

How did this ‘friend’ get your number??

I would be inclined to change it so you don’t get any more flying monkeys coming your way!

adviceneeded1990 · 05/03/2025 17:44

No. They can try but wouldn’t get anywhere. Such cases are highly unusual and the person asking for contact would have to prove a long lasting relationship, care provided etc to the point where discontinuing the contact would be detrimental to the child.

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/03/2025 18:16

They could try but they don’t stand a chance.

Arrivals4lucky · 05/03/2025 18:31

Tell the messenger to FUCK.OFF. Why on earth they’re relating that BS is beyond me. Block them all.
It’ll never get to court.

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/03/2025 18:46

I wouldn't even respond to the 3rd party just block and carry on with your life.