To be so upset and embarrassed

[WhoisRebecca]

I went for a head of department interview yesterday and was cut after my lesson, data task and student panel interview. I had been asked to prepare a ten minute presentation but I didn’t even get to deliver it, as I didn’t progress to the formal interview.

I’m a good teacher and it’s my own school, but I just didn’t feel the lesson went well as the kids were very passive and it’s really difficult in a on off lesson to know what strategies work with a class you don’t usually teach. I also packed too much in so it didn’t work well. Even though they’ve seen me teach many many times - it does go on that one interview lesson.

I haven’t had any feedback yet and I’m off today as my throat feels like razor blades- so people will probably think that I’m off because of the humiliation. There were 4 of us at interview stage and I think I’m the only one who was sent home early. I wasn’t at my best but I just keep questioning myself and feeling like a complete and utter fool.

I have worked really hard at this school and I just don’t feel valued - which I appreciate is silly of me.

I just feel like my sense of self worth has been shaken because I’ve always seen myself as a good teacher and believed that I was valued and now I don’t feel that way.

I've been there. Not in a teaching scenario, but in corporate life. It's (unfortunately) all about what happens in the interview.

The reality is, you just have to dust yourself off, and have another go when the opportunity arises. At least you know roughly why you didn't progress, it would be much worse if you'd given your best and still didn't progress.

I have no words of wisdom to make it any easier, other than to say that iron does not become steel until it has been through the fire. Just look at it as being your path to becoming steel. You'll get there, just don't stop trying 👍

Thank you. I’m just annoyed with myself because I know I could have done much better.

Take the positives out of it, you already know where you went wrong. It’s not a bad thing to get things wrong as you know yourself, you can learn from them. Did you feel valued before this interview took place? You can’t blame them for not performing your best on the day sadly. Just go easy on yourself and have today to go over it then pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
if the feeling of not being appreciated has lingered for a while then the promotion is irrelevant as perhaps it is time to move on anyway?

You were coming down with something. It's unfortunate but it's not your fault. It happens. It says nothing about your ability as a teacher. Get well soon.

Cut yourself some slack, Op. if what you've caught is anything like what has been going around my office then it's really nasty. I've been wiped out with it all week and definitely wasn't on top form the couple of days before the symptoms really started.

Add to that, as you say, you jammed too much into the lesson (so you know what not to do next time), and it was a class you don't usually teach - hard normally, and I'm guessing you won't have been firing on all cylinders. Hopefully the feedback you get will help you understand what to focus on next time so you don't make the same mistakes.

Interviews are tough. The formal nature and the stakes immediately pile pressure on. Some people just interview better than others, but it doesn't reflect your ability as a teacher. Prep and practice, learn from this one, and focus on today, not yesterday.

Feel better soon!

Similar happened to me OP, awful at the time but all you can do is carry on, you can't change it now so take the lessons learned but don't dwell. I'm of the opinion that employers should grow the talent they have, it's a shame this doesn't happen more.

Fwiw I'm now in a much better job but had to move organisations to get it.

Yep. You were ill. So not on your usual form. Write to them and explain that you'll be applying again if there's another opportunity.

Thank you. I’ve cried which is good as I was holding everything in before. I did start to feel ill on Sunday so I won’t have been at my best.
I just don’t want the leadership team to think I’m rubbish- I hope they know it was just a bad day.

We all have bad days, it’s horrible that it was an internal interview but, as someone who does recruitment, it’s sometimes kinder to stop the process early if you see someone is really struggling. Let yourself feel embarrassed (though there’s no reason to be), shake yourself off and think about what your next move might be. I’d also have a chat with the chair of the panel, explain you appreciated the opportunity but were just too unwell on the day to perform at your best. They may be able to offer you feedback or support for future applications.

I feel for you op. Were you the only internal candidate? If you were I would think it wouldn't have hurt the process to allow you to continue to the end stages. It would have been more tactful ...you wouldn't have felt you had lost face with colleagues you have to work with ....and it wouldn't have changed the outcome management wanted. They could have fed back to you honestly but privately that on the day you weren't saying a close second. You could then have taken stock..Accepted you were to ill on the day to show your best work and decide your next moves ...whether to stay in the role you have for a while or apply for promotions elsewhere. Go back in when you feel better with you head held high and bear in mind that it can be harder to get promotion where you are than applying elsewhere. Good luck with your future planning. 💐

No one rational will judge someone's ability in their profession on a bad interview if they know them to be good at their job on a daily basis Op!

Internal interviews are hideous. Be kind to yourself while you regroup and then onwards it is.

That doesn't sound like they handled an internal interview process very sensitively at all.

I rage quit in a similar circumstance many moons ago but hopefully you'll keep your temper better than I did 😂

There was another internal candidate who didn’t get it either. The candidate who got it was very experienced and was going for a demotion due to relocation- they also knew the head.

I overheard a governor telling the successful candidate as they brought them into the staff room how wonderful they were in the student panel interview and that the students really enjoyed it. Nothing like that had been said to me and that did throw me off a bit too as I then had to go and teach my lesson knowing that I probably wasn’t the top choice.

Thank you - it’s helping to talk and have a good cry too

There is another job advertised elsewhere but I feel my confidence is shattered at the moment.

You need to seperate your sense of being valued from this process. You have self assessed honestly and concluded that your performance didn't reflect your usual standards. You also understand that the assessment was based on your performance in the interview alone, and didn't take account of their prior knowledge of you, so really, there was no other viable outcome. I think its actually a kindness if an applicant falls short in an early stage not to put them through subsequent stages when the decision is not going to be favourable. It's hugely disappointing when we underperform when it matters most. But it happens to a lot of us at one point or another. It wouldn't have helped that you were obviously starting a virus. Try not to let it colour your positive view of yourself and your value.

If you don't feel valued at a school then it's probably not the best idea to apply for a head of department there.

I'd have a look around at other schools for jobs going instead.

I was in this situation, applied for HOD at my own school and did get it. Retrospectively hugely relieved as new HOD is great and it’s a lot of work. If they know you and know you’re a good teacher I don’t the lesson holds as much weight- maybe there were other reasons. I think with HOD jobs if you’re keen you have to be prepared to move schools to do them. Sorry it was tricky but I wouldn’t take it so personally- it’s often useful to have an outsider with a new perspective.

I usually do feel valued there - it’s just the process has shaken me. The new HOD is already an assistant head and will be excellent, so not sure I stood a chance anyway.

Go for it. If nothing else, it is interview practice. Some people are better at interviews than others, so it is always useful to get into that zone. I am crap at them, so the more I can do, the better.

Besides, as the Romans used to say:
noli te nothi tere

(Don't let the bastards grind you down).

I sympathise. Teachers work really hard and don't get enough credit for it. These situations are really tough and you have to tell yourself that you did the best in the things you can control - preparation and doing your best during the lesson even though unwell. You can't control how others assess you so don't worry about it. Also good teachers do get feedback from happy students passed on to other staff- they see it from the way students smile when they are told Miss X or Mr Y is taking a lesson or session, or pupils might actually mention it.

Try to rest up, treat yourself to something pleasant bur healthy, and look after yourself, you deserve it. I'm sure you will feel better about this once you are recovered. If it's any consolation, good teachers are in short supply. If the outcome of the interview doesn't go your way, there will be similar openings at other schools where if successful you may feel more valued. Teachers move schools frequently nowadays- there are always schools wanting good teachers or experienced teachers and can offer better pay or happier working conditions.

These things hurt at the time (been there!) but try to take the lesson in the experience. I know it’s easy to say that and harder to do it but you will look back on this moment and it won’t hurt so much. Just keep on going and trying and getting better and better

Don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes you get the promotion and sometimes you don’t. That’s life.