To be so upset and embarrassed

[WhoisRebecca]

I went for a head of department interview yesterday and was cut after my lesson, data task and student panel interview. I had been asked to prepare a ten minute presentation but I didn’t even get to deliver it, as I didn’t progress to the formal interview.

I’m a good teacher and it’s my own school, but I just didn’t feel the lesson went well as the kids were very passive and it’s really difficult in a on off lesson to know what strategies work with a class you don’t usually teach. I also packed too much in so it didn’t work well. Even though they’ve seen me teach many many times - it does go on that one interview lesson.

I haven’t had any feedback yet and I’m off today as my throat feels like razor blades- so people will probably think that I’m off because of the humiliation. There were 4 of us at interview stage and I think I’m the only one who was sent home early. I wasn’t at my best but I just keep questioning myself and feeling like a complete and utter fool.

I have worked really hard at this school and I just don’t feel valued - which I appreciate is silly of me.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. They were a bit rude to send you out early in my opinion. Definitely ask for feedback. Hold your head up and keep smiling!

Sometimes it's just that things went better on the day for someone else. You know when a lesson doesn't go well or goes the wrong way. Keep applying and you'll get the next one.

I think take it on the chin and speak openly about it, OP. You've nothing to be embarrassed about. As you've said you know you could have done better, but it was a learning experience. It sounds as if this was always going to be someone else's job anyway. You'll smash it next time.

Tbh-I’m a governor and during the interview process, I would not be giving any of the candidates any feedback on how they have performed thus far and I don’t think that is appropriate. Feedback is for the cut off time when you’re either proceeding to interview or not.

As you didn’t proceed, I would have given you feedback then. If things hadn’t gone well in your lesson and you hadn’t shone as brightly as normal, that would have probably been the reason for the cut. I don’t take people through to interviews unless as a panel we think they are a solid candidate as there simply isn’t the time.

the good thing is that you seem to know why things didn’t go well this time so you know what to do for the next one. Big tip-before the lesson, try and find out as much as possible about the class you are teaching so you can come up with some strategies to improve engagement and ensure you have a good pace to your lesson-all stuff you know. 💐

Bummer.

As I’m sure you teach your students, behind every success are many failures. Failure makes you better as it helps you learn. We’ve all been there. And the successful candidate isn’t progressing: it’s a demotion for them. So, they may be off again before long if they get something better.

Sounds like you’re quite unwell and also frustrated. If they didn’t see you at your best, another place will. You know you’re a good teacher. You’ll get there. Just work out what techniques you need for an unengaged group for next time.

The presentation isn’t wasted. You’ve got it as a basis for next time.

Hope you feel better 💐

100%. Probability: the more you apply for, the more you’ll get.

Even if everything goes brilliantly at an interview there can still be another candidate who does even better. It’s not about track record or what you feel you deserve, it’s the best candidate on the day. In this case it does sound as though the successful candidate would always have been the front runner. It needs resilience and confidence to take your chances at promotion so maybe that’s something to work on for next time. The new HOD may well not stay long if an assistant or deputy headship comes up locally so you may get another chance sooner than you think!

They knew who they wanted and that candidate got it. The hiring process is often so frustrating and dishonest. I really think there needs to be more transparency as so much work and investment goes into an application amd interview. Ask for some feedback when you are feeling better .

Really poor form that your own school didn’t even let you do your presentation @WhoisRebecca. That’s really crap of them. It’s happened to me when I was an NQT at a school I didn’t know but when I went for promotion in a school I worked in (if I was successful or not) they always allowed me to do the full interview. That’s really awful
of them! I’m shocked at that, so sorry op. It’s a case of it’s not you it’s them!

Try and spin it in your head:

you work at a good school that attracts top candidates.

you got an interview

you could be another school's top candidate and you’ve got recent interview experience which puts you in the zone

you are bold and give yourself opportunities

I am shocking at internal interviews and it really affects my performance. Though good at interviews in general, i had one where my own team marked me down for how they felt i fitted in. My current role i got as a secondment then had chance to go for permanently, had to interview again, got so stressed i lot my voice. When they offered me job next day i had to write down and hold up sign i accepted. It's a journey and i am in the right job for me now, the others in hindsight wasn't but i was heartbroken at the time.

I am not good at internal interviews at all.
I am still off today feeling rubbish. Think I’ll be well enough tomorrow to go back though. Feel a bit down too, but I’m sure the sting will fade.

This seems to have triggered some anxiety today. No one has emailed to say they hope I’m feeling better soon (off again as still not 100%) and I feel like I really embarrassed myself in front of the panel and in front of students I know. I don’t really have evidence for that, I’m just ruminating that I must’ve been awful for them to not even take me through to the interview stage. It’s affected how I feel about the school - a place I love.

I think it's much easier to have an interview at a different place. Being interviewed at your place of work is always much harder.
I would apply for the other job. Also hopefully you won't be ill if you are interviewed at the other place

Poor thing. I definitely suggest get back to school tomor and you will see it is fine. I think it will help for the weekend.

Rejection is Redirection.

I will get back to school tomorrow as I’m physically a bit better today. I might pop in and speak to the head maybe and let him know I’ve been anxious about my performance on the day?

Students won’t be judging you! They are more focused on their own selves and their learning.

teachers won’t either - they will want you to stay and be happy surely!

Just my opinion, OP, but I would avoid dramatising the situation or sharing your embarrassment. I think it'd reflect better on you to be very matter of fact about being disappointed with the way things went, but keen to learn from the experience & move onwards and upwards.

I’ve been there, OP. Let yourself feel the feelings. It’s really rubbish. Don’t feel you should be over it immediately. It mattered to you, your pride in your work matters to you and ultimately that’s a good thing. When you’re ready, try again.

In the meantime remind yourself these are only feelings, they’re natural and they will pass.

I’ll stay pragmatic about it then and just request feedback. I know my lesson wasn’t brilliant- which is strange as that was the bit I was most confident about! My lessons are usually really strong.

If it were me, I'd still pop in to see the head to say sorry you've been off sick the last few days, but you have really been unwell. Just to show your face so they don't think you've just been hiding at home because you were uncomfortable about the interview process.

If it's a comfortable enough conversation drop in how you weren't feeling too great on the day of the interview and it had started the previous weekend and you're annoyed that you feel you let yourself down

But just see how it feels naturally

Get applying!! You know which areas you need to work on and it is so much easier to be interviewed by people you don’t know x

I don’t think I’m going to apologise for being unwell. It doesn’t feel right to me to do that. I’ll just get my head down when I’m back.

Definitely get your head down and back to doing your usual professional job. If you don't act like it's a big deal, people will take you at your word. Fake it til you make it, as they say!