To be so upset and embarrassed

[WhoisRebecca]

I went for a head of department interview yesterday and was cut after my lesson, data task and student panel interview. I had been asked to prepare a ten minute presentation but I didn’t even get to deliver it, as I didn’t progress to the formal interview.

I’m a good teacher and it’s my own school, but I just didn’t feel the lesson went well as the kids were very passive and it’s really difficult in a on off lesson to know what strategies work with a class you don’t usually teach. I also packed too much in so it didn’t work well. Even though they’ve seen me teach many many times - it does go on that one interview lesson.

I haven’t had any feedback yet and I’m off today as my throat feels like razor blades- so people will probably think that I’m off because of the humiliation. There were 4 of us at interview stage and I think I’m the only one who was sent home early. I wasn’t at my best but I just keep questioning myself and feeling like a complete and utter fool.

I have worked really hard at this school and I just don’t feel valued - which I appreciate is silly of me.

Thank you. I won’t apply for the other job - it’s further away and a sideways move rather than a promotion. I’m still not feeling brilliant and the deadline is Tuesday so it’s a stress I don’t need. If I didn’t get it and had to stay in my current role, I think I’d look petulant with it being a sideways move rather than a promotion.

Honestly don't beat yourself up, you can't compete with someone over-qualified for the job, I suspect they were guaranteed. They clearly did a good job, so hopefully you'll learn loads from them being the head of dept, which is great for you. You clearly know what you'd do differently next time, it'd be worse if you thought you were fantastic ans got cut! Might be worth applying and interviewing at a few other schools, even if you don't love the sound of the jobs, just to keep in the practice of it.

I didn’t think I’d done a bad job in the student panel bit tbh. It’s just to see how you get on with the students.

It's crazy. If it's internal do you mean that even though everyone on the panel might know candidate X is better than candidate Y, if candidate Y interviews better then they'll get the role?
So not the best person for the role but the best at sitting interviews??

That has been my experience. The problem is that employers have to be prepared for all sorts of accusations. If the interviewer is prepped, it is likely that they will ask similar questions, with notes of answers in order that they can defend against "you didn't employ me because I am black / white / gay / straight / disabled / able bodied / etc" accusations.

This instance sounds a bit different, but I have been an interviewer in the above scenario, and you would be on sticky ground to say "I knew candidate A was better than candidate B because of X reason".

I have applied for 12 jobs over the last 2.5 years. I always get an interview. I never get a job. Just reading this thread makes me anxious. I just freeze. I am utterly heartbroken by it and totally stuck. I'm really personable and liked by people in my everyday life so it's not like I am just very obnoxious as an interviewee! Maybe i am a bit too likeable/open and people think I am soft. I know the exact feeling of raw humiliation. Feel quite tearful just remebembering it. Last interview was early January.

Being a good head of department is very different from being a good classroom teacher and unless your leadership team is completely stupid they won't have based the decision to cut you out on the basis of one bad lesson observation. It's a tough pill to swallow not getting an internal promotion, I've been there and worse still another internal candidate did get it! In retrospect at that point I wasn't ready for leadership. I've since been promoted twice more so it wasn't the end of my career and your time will come too. When you go back to work make an appointment to ask for some honest feedback from the head and be honest too about your career aspirations. Don't jump for another job unless you really want it; there are plenty of schools and posts out there and getting the right fit for you is a lot more important, and ultimately enjoyable, than getting any old promotion for the sake of it.

Also this is a very good point about the benefit of an experienced head of department to learn from. If they are taking a step down to do this role, chances are they will move up again within a year or two by which point you can be ready to apply again with more experience under your belt.

Don't keep beating yourself up. Teaching interviews are awful. You know you are good, they are lucky to have you. It just wasn't right on the day.

Honestly I wouldn’t worry. Last week I was interviewing Deputy Heads. Two of them did an absolutely shocking lesson. Years of practice and fumbled it on the day. You obviously were coming down with your bug and didn’t show yourself off as well as you would normally. Just brush yourself off and get back to being the amazing teacher you were before the interview.

Thank you. I am still in bed which isn’t helping - wanted to go in today but I really felt awful still. My chest is sore. I’ve emailed with where my classes are up to but I’ve not had any reply. I do think a ‘hope you feel better soon’ would go a long way but I suppose they don’t know I’m feeling anxious.

Be fair, OP. Not only do they not know that you are feeling anxious but you know how utterly frantic things are in school, especially when someone is off. There will be team members setting up your cover every day, keeping an eye on your classroom and your lessons, and generally picking up a lot of extra bits and pieces to cover for you even if they aren't directly contacting you. It's very hard to know whether to reach out when someone is off; for every person who wants some reassurance there is another whose anxiety is worsened by contact from school and we can't really win. Please focus on getting better and watch a crappy movie to distract yourself

Oh I know. It’s all in my head. My mind is going to weird places - like what if my interview was so awful that they are going to sack me etc. Or did I say something ridiculous? I know it’s the anxiety talking.