Would you consider this bullying?

[Coffeeandbannans]

I feel so unbelievably petty writing this out but I feel like I'm going mad, I feel like a contractor at work might be trying to bully me but I would welcome other perspectives!

Contractor comes in three times a week.

He is very overfamiliar and has been very intrusive; trying to start conversation with everyone, regardless as to whether they are on the phone, in a meeting, or in the middle of a conversation. He has had run ins with several employees including one with myself when he took it upon himself to announce to the office what was in my bin which he was emptying "ohhh look crisp packets! coke cans! Macdonalds! You're clearly not on a diet then love?!" I think he was just trying to make conversation but it made me feel a bit embarrassed so I walked out of the office.

I thought little more about it until a few months later when he started hoovering while I was on the phone and kept bashing my chair with the hoover. I turned around to ask him to move away and and he started gesturing and shooing me out of the way so he could hoover under my desk, I ended up having to put the call on mute so I could tell him he needn't hoover under my desk that day. He went off huffing and puffing and moaning to my colleagues about my "attitude" because he "only wanted to hoover under my desk" Then there was the time he announce to the office that he hopes I don't have kids because he couldn't imagine the state of my house if my desk is anything to go by! It was unfortunate timing because I had just returned to work after a miscarriage.

Since then (after moaning to DH about him constantly trying to engage me in conversation, DH suggested I simply ignore him) I have tried to ignore him because I'm not interested in having a conversation about his daughters wedding, his dog, what car he drives, jobs he has done in the past etc. I'll usually reply to his "morning" with "morning" but then he starts to ask if I'm OK and what I got up to at the weekend etc. I feel rude ignoring his questions but frankly I have work to be getting on with, as does he!

The other week he told me in a cheery was to "remember that courtesy costs nothing daring!" as he walked out of the office. I found it quite passive aggressive and was quite taken aback, perhaps I am being overly sensitive given previous run ins!

He still tries to engage me in conversation and this morning I had to leave the office to go to a meeting I saw him at the bottom of the stairs and he said "Come on darling! down you go! Heading off are you? and I thanked him for waiting at the bottom for me to pass. "have a lovely day darlin!" he said as I left.

Upon my return he walked into the very small kitchen after me and said "you back then love?" I didn't engage and tried to walk past him and he put himself between me and the exit and asked again "you back then love?" I replied "Yep" and he let me pass, chuckling away to himself as I walked down the corridor.

Am I being unreasonable to feel a little intimidated and gaslit by him being "too nice"? first world problems, I know!

I would have complained about him ages ago. He sounds weird as fuck.

Not necessarily bullying but definitely harassment

That's shocking behaviour. Given your colleagues are also finding him a pain, a group of you needs to raise this....

I'm a bit on the fence with this one actually. I'd like to hear it from his perspective.

He sounds naturally gregarious and talkative and while it's ok that you're not, it's rude to just ignore someone who's speaking to you. He does seem to have a funny way of going about things (he shouldn't have blocked your exit and the diet comment was unnecessary) but it sounds like you're being rude and snobbish towards him. If a cleaner comes round hoovering you just move your legs, it's polite. And I can't really believe that you just ignored him point blank asking if you were back - that's not him trying to start a lengthy conversation, or you not having time to engage. It's basic courtesy to just respond.

It also sounds like you're untidy - do you have a clear desk or is it a mess? Waste paper bins under desks aren't for coke cans and McDonald's wrappers - put them in the kitchen bin. If it was my job to clear up after you then I'd be annoyed about that.

Look he might be a bit odd, annoying etc. But you have to work with him and it sounds like you could handle it more professionally - e.g. just respond to him politely, then when you need to work say something like, "I need to go into this meeting now/get my head down and do X now, but nice chatting to you!" or whatever is natural for you.

This is a two sides to every story type situation. He probably thinks he’s being friendly, although he does also sound annoying. You sound like you might be rude sometimes but it’s difficult to tell. How would you respond to a colleague who behaves like he does?

What a weirdo. Complain about him, definitely. If he's blocking you getting out of the kitchen, goodness knows what his next step will be.
If he can't behave himself, it's his fault if he gets the boot.

Thanks for your perspective. I think you've misread my post. Did you see that I respond to his greeting? Did you see that I only resorted to ignoring him after several run ins and inappropriate behavior from his side? when he asked whether I was back I assumed that it was a rhetorical question because... clearly, I was indeed; back.

Interesting that you've assumed my response is snobbish? I'd be interested to know how you came to that assumption?

For the record, I don't have to work with him, as others have suggested, I could complain to the company, but I didn't know whether I was blowing things out of proportion. All post so far have validated that his behavior is inappropriate.

Morning

I'm busy, no time to chat

He’s trying to intimidate you… blocking you is absolutely not okay. You need to complain to him that he needs to back the fuck off and let you work in peace. You are paid to do your job, not entertain him, and he’s getting in the way.

I have actually worked with someone like this before and I said their comments made me feel uncomfortable and sometimes they go too far. They responded with a barrage of abuse about my appearance, my accent and I ended up in tears (although this was about 20 years ago!) so it makes me reluctant to raise it with a similar character.

perfect!

You've articulated exactly how I feel - Thank you!

Normally cleaners work early in the mornings or late in the evenings so as not to disrupt the work in the office.

This cleaner is being over familiar and really rude. I would put in a complaint.

I don't think I have misread anything. You did say "I would welcome other perspectives" 🤣

Yes I saw that you've responded to his greetings at times, but I also saw:

• "I have tried to ignore him because I'm not interested in having a conversation about his daughters wedding, his dog, what car he drives, jobs he has done in the past..."

• "...then he starts to ask if I'm OK and what I got up to at the weekend etc. I feel rude ignoring his questions but frankly I have work to be getting on with..."

• "...walked into the very small kitchen after me and said "you back then love?" I didn't engage and tried to walk past him..."

I think you may have a snobbish attitude towards him because of your comments about not being interested in talking to him, being too busy to engage, asking him to move away from you when he's hoovering, etc. I may be wrong, of course, but that's how it read to me. Your response to me didn't change my mind on that front unfortunately 🤣

I do not think you would behave in this way if it was the CEO asking you if you were back or telling you about his daughter's wedding.

She thinks you’re being snobbish because you’re not simpering at the man that is harassing you. “He’s just trying to be nice,” don’t you know! 🙄

Report him. He’s beyond inappropriate and I agree with the poster that said they’d have reported him ages ago.

My CEO doesn't ask intrusive questions, make comments on what people have in their bins, interrupt people when they are in meetings and they wait when people are on the phone. I'd be horrified if my CEO made comments on whether I have children or blocked me from exiting a room and I'd be straight onto HR. If my CEO said "you're back then?" I'd say "yes, just got the final details on project X"...because you know, we work together?

I'm not sure why it's considered rude to ignore someone but ok to try to start a conversation with someone if they don't want to talk, why does their want come second to yours, isn't it their responsibility to read the signs saying please leave me in peace?

my sentiments exactly!

Tell your manager. He sounds like some 70s throwback. Wanker

Unlikely that the CEO would make personal comments and block the exit of an individual.

The guy sounds really creepy. I'd report him and your colleagues should as well. It's horrible to read, I can't imagine what it's like working with it!

Sorry but do you mean he's the cleaner when you say contractor?

Why is he cleaning during working office hours, trying to hoover whilst you're all in phone calls? That's seems stupid.

If others are having issues too then escalate it.

Yeah he's the contracted cleaner, so not employed by our company.

I don't know why he's cleaning when we are in the office, but I did get a message from a colleague this afternoon who said that they've asked the office manager to change his hours so we don't have to cross paths with him. All being well this should be the end of it, but I'll find out when I'm back in the office next week I guess.

No, and I agree those are the two bits that are out of order.

Yes hopefully that sorts it out, but I just don't understand why he's there during office hours.

He's aggressively friendly but an abusive bully underneath. I've met a few of them and I've done the polite smiling until my face starts to hurt. Vile creatures.