Would you consider this bullying?

[Coffeeandbannans]

I feel so unbelievably petty writing this out but I feel like I'm going mad, I feel like a contractor at work might be trying to bully me but I would welcome other perspectives!

Contractor comes in three times a week.

He is very overfamiliar and has been very intrusive; trying to start conversation with everyone, regardless as to whether they are on the phone, in a meeting, or in the middle of a conversation. He has had run ins with several employees including one with myself when he took it upon himself to announce to the office what was in my bin which he was emptying "ohhh look crisp packets! coke cans! Macdonalds! You're clearly not on a diet then love?!" I think he was just trying to make conversation but it made me feel a bit embarrassed so I walked out of the office.

I thought little more about it until a few months later when he started hoovering while I was on the phone and kept bashing my chair with the hoover. I turned around to ask him to move away and and he started gesturing and shooing me out of the way so he could hoover under my desk, I ended up having to put the call on mute so I could tell him he needn't hoover under my desk that day. He went off huffing and puffing and moaning to my colleagues about my "attitude" because he "only wanted to hoover under my desk" Then there was the time he announce to the office that he hopes I don't have kids because he couldn't imagine the state of my house if my desk is anything to go by! It was unfortunate timing because I had just returned to work after a miscarriage.

Since then (after moaning to DH about him constantly trying to engage me in conversation, DH suggested I simply ignore him) I have tried to ignore him because I'm not interested in having a conversation about his daughters wedding, his dog, what car he drives, jobs he has done in the past etc. I'll usually reply to his "morning" with "morning" but then he starts to ask if I'm OK and what I got up to at the weekend etc. I feel rude ignoring his questions but frankly I have work to be getting on with, as does he!

The other week he told me in a cheery was to "remember that courtesy costs nothing daring!" as he walked out of the office. I found it quite passive aggressive and was quite taken aback, perhaps I am being overly sensitive given previous run ins!

He still tries to engage me in conversation and this morning I had to leave the office to go to a meeting I saw him at the bottom of the stairs and he said "Come on darling! down you go! Heading off are you? and I thanked him for waiting at the bottom for me to pass. "have a lovely day darlin!" he said as I left.

Upon my return he walked into the very small kitchen after me and said "you back then love?" I didn't engage and tried to walk past him and he put himself between me and the exit and asked again "you back then love?" I replied "Yep" and he let me pass, chuckling away to himself as I walked down the corridor.

Am I being unreasonable to feel a little intimidated and gaslit by him being "too nice"? first world problems, I know!

Good response. Also, it's not necessarily "snobbish" to treat the CEO differently to the cleaner. That's not about class, that's about legitimite authority.

Gosh, there are some dreadful trolls on this thread

He definitely sounds like a bully to me.
Blocking your way, making comments on what you've put in your bin etc are not normal behaviour.

I cleaned offices for many years when I was younger and it would never occur to me to make any kind of comment about what's in a bin etc. My job was just to empty it!

I'd also take issue with someone being overly familiar and calling me darling or love or pet or any other random name, even if they did it to everyone. I don't like it.

And I don't think you're being rude. It's your workplace. You go there to work, not to let someone try to intimidate you and then act like you're the one with the problem!

He is a contractor cleaner?

• Who is interrupting work during office hours, by hoovering whilst people are at their desk (health and safety issue?)
• Being disruptive whilst people are on calls (with customers?)
• That’s before we get to the attitude and inappropriate comments

This is not a you problem. This is the office manager problem to give feedback to the ‘contractor’ to sort out. This is such an easy fix as it’s not a permanent employee.

This reeks of a kind of power play by him. He wants to somehow get you to acknowledge that your status and his are on a par, or even that he is better than you, and he trying to put you down. This is his issue if he is playing games. Please don't feel bad about yourself because he has homed in on you for some weird reason of his own. Does he treat your male colleagues in the same way as female ones? Can you mention the more intimidating issues to a manager - blocking your exit from a room, for example, plus the time wasting when you are trying to work?

His behaviour is sadly not surprising. What’s actually shocked me:

• your office has cleaners in during core working hours without realising that’s disruptive (even with a really nice and professional one)
• they are allowing staff to be harassed by contractors. WTAF?

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. No, he doesn’t treat our male counterparts the same way. In fact he even told one of our (male) directors that he considers himself as one of them because he used to own his own business.

I will mention it to one of the directors next week when I’m back in.

Thanks for your reply because when I mentioned it to male colleagues they looked at me like I was making a fuss out of nothing but that’s because his worst behaviour is done when nobody else is around.

Not a troll, I just don't agree with every part of the OP. But heaven forbid someone would go against the grain slightly on this site 🤣

@takealettermsjones

I do not think you would behave in this way if it was the CEO asking you if you were back or telling you about his daughter's wedding.
Oh come on. A CEO would be too busy and probably have enough intelligence to not prattle on and ok inanely about shite and then force the conversation even when it's obvious someone didn't want to chat

A CEO is unlikely to repeatedly bang into your chair and publicly dissect the contents of your bin

If they did your probably be looking for a new job as the company they ran would be going down the pan

ANYONE behaving like this annoying twat would piss me off. Nothing to do with snobbery

Everything to do with them having no filter, no sense of boundaries and being fecking annoying

Well, at my company senior leaders do walk around and chat to staff when they're visiting the office, it's part of their job - everyone makes idle chit chat, it's all very awkward, and then we carry on working! But either way that wasn't really the point - my comparison with the CEO was just to make the point that I'm not sure OP would have this same "I'm not interested in talking to you about anything" attitude. Or maybe she would, I don't know her 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree he sounds annoying, I said that in my first post. I'm just not sure I agree that he's bullying her. I don't think the term should be overused and I'm not sure it truly applies in this case.

It doesnt like bullying to me but definitely a right PIA so I would have complained to the manager ages ago.
why would you hoover during offixe hours when people are either concentrating on a piece of work, on the phone or in a meetingnor all at once. Hooevering is before 9 or after 5 if it has to be later or early.

and i would challenge him anytime he is being aggressive ie. Not letting you go out of the kitchen by blocking you in? Thats a yype of aggression. I would have said loudly, so the office could hear me, i need to get on with my day why are you blocking me in?

the journal all of it and take it to HR

He sounds like a right arse. Does he speaks to any men the way he has spoken to you? I would bet that he hasn't.

He sounds awful , i think he knows what he's doing ,enjoys the fact he bothers you and would cause a stink if you dared complain but this is the plan anyway to taunt you into retaliation for his weird entertainment.
I don't know the answer but i certainly would not engage other than basic politeness ,no chat etc and if i could avoid him then i would ,can you wear headphones ?maybe that would make you appear less approachable to him.
I cannot stand people like this and i do think there are elements of bullying in his behaviour.

This. He sounds annoying and you sound a bit humourless and rude

Nope! Just the women, as it happens. I hadn’t clocked that until a previous poster asked.

That’s right, you don’t know me. You were quick to try and pull me down though.

I’d also agree it’s probably not bullying, it IS clear harassment though. Thanks for your input.

I m a CEO of my own company, my husband is a CEO of a big corporate - not in a million years would you get in the way of work, of calls, or blocking someone in a kitchen. And no we do not expect deference because we are the bosses but we expect respect from everyone to everyone.

so while we would totally expect politeness to towards the contractors that clean the office or anything else, we would also expect them to be mindful of the work going on, to be quiet if someone is on a call, to not interrupt meetings or conversations about work etc.

now we also want a good atmosphere in the office so yes we do chit chat, ask about week ends etc or some general laughter and if the contractors want to join in fine but again everyone has to be respectful of everyone, but that takes 5 mins and then it s down to business.

my office is more informal than my husband and i like it this way, but that contractor would he shown the door!

disrespect, bullying, harassment, rudeness are not to be tolerated

This he sounds like a pain in the a*se

I don't consider it bullying, rather odd and annoying but if you are uncomfortable then tell him. Adults should be able to sort out their own differences.

For Pete's sake 😂 I did not pull you down. Maybe don't ask for opinions and other perspectives if you don't want to hear them?

I was leaning towards the "he's just annoyingly over-friendly" camp - until he blocked your exit to seemingly force you to engage. That's intimidating behaviour, it's not ok - no matter how clever he thinks he's being. I suppose it is a form of bullying - you don't wish to engage at the same level he does, so he tries to publicly call you out or embarrass/intimidate you.

We had a similar guy at an office I worked at. He was a bit more polite, as in he wouldn't try to force you into conversation, but if you showed him any attention at all (I always gave him a smile and asked after him and sometimes his daughter, because I didn't want him to think I was too good to chat to the cleaner!) - my God did he latch on. Others got wise to him but didn't warn me, so he started coming into my office, sitting down to chat, and asking me all kinds of personal questions! It was getting a bit creepy/leery so I started making myself scarce, or just giving him a cheery "Hi!" as I dashed past clutching some papers. He stopped speaking to me altogether after a few of those moves, thankfully.

I don't know what the answer is for you I'm afraid - but I wonder if complaining about a twat like him will make it worse, as he'll retaliate? Some people are simply shits.

He doesn’t work there. It’s irrelevant if he’s a cleaner, but it is relevant he’s a contractor to the business who can be dealt with and removed immediately.

Tell whoever manages that contract to sort their proverbial shit out.

@takealettermsjones
Err you called OP RUDE, SNOBBISH, UNTIDY, UNPROFESSIONAL

Yeah. That's pretty much putting someone down. Especially someone you yourself acknowledge you don't even know 😐

ERR I said she was BEING rude and snobbish TOWARDS HIM (and SHE ALSO FELT she was being rude) and that from the OP it SOUNDS LIKE she's untidy and I said she could handle it MORE professionally. I gave my HONEST OPINION and your CAPITALS do not change what I ACTUALLY said. If people cannot handle being DISAGREED with then they perhaps shouldn't post in AIBU.

The capitals are fun though, I'll give you that!

@Coffeeandbannans he's getting in the way interrupting your work. I would give this reason to management to ask that they change his hours. That way he can't say "oh Im just being friendly" because his "friendliness" is getting in the way of the company's business.

Elaborate on why you think i’m “snobbish”
because your posts do smell of inverted snobbery.

Yes, my desk is untidy, because I have a lot of projects on the go at the moment, why is that an issue and how does it contribute to the issue at hand?