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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the toilet at work?

156 replies

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 05:23

Recently started working in a school as an assistant. I’ve had part of bowel removed and disclosed this in my interview as I have a gap in my CV. I was pulled up on going to the toilet yesterday by the SLT, there were enough staff looking after the kids and I had asked another staff member. She said she expects me to go straight from one task to another (I.e looking after them inside to outside).
Should I remind her that I have a re-sected bowel? Or just wear a pad? I’m really embarrassed about my bowels and it’s something I haven’t even spoken to my family about. I go to a public toilet before work and generally only go once in work.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 04/03/2025 05:32

Speak to your union rep. I would consider this to be discrimination on the grounds of disability.
Is your disclosure about your health condition written down anywhere and did you explain the consequences?
Aside from that, I think it is totally unreasonable to refuse toilet access to anyone in their work place. However, I know that schools are increasingly refusing students access to toilets and seem to be a law unto themselves.

BlueMum16 · 04/03/2025 05:35

Completely unreasonable to not be permitted a toilet break regardless of health.

Throw your declared condition into the mix and she's on rocky ground.

Personally I'd speak to your manager and explain the situation

Fraaances · 04/03/2025 05:35

Yep… I would even ask your union rep to come and sit in on a meeting and explain to her why her demand is cruising for a lawsuit.

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/03/2025 05:37

endofthelinefinally · 04/03/2025 05:32

Speak to your union rep. I would consider this to be discrimination on the grounds of disability.
Is your disclosure about your health condition written down anywhere and did you explain the consequences?
Aside from that, I think it is totally unreasonable to refuse toilet access to anyone in their work place. However, I know that schools are increasingly refusing students access to toilets and seem to be a law unto themselves.

She needs to remind them first.

this could easily be an oversight or a misunderstanding.

autisticbookworm · 04/03/2025 05:37

I'd speak to your line manager and explain. The slt presumably didn't know , other staff don't need to know the exact details but do need to know they shouldn't question your toilet needs.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 04/03/2025 05:40

Just quietly explain. It’ll be a lack of understanding on her part. They need to make accommodations for this. No need for any drama at this stage but if she is not supportive then that’s a different thing altogether.

Original poster
Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 05:45

@endofthelinefinally the SLT took notes of my interview, would this count as a disclosure?
@autisticbookworm SLT were present for the interview and also the ones telling me off. My colleagues are unaware but always happy for me to go the toilet (I’m happy for them to go too, which they do!).

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 04/03/2025 05:49

Just remind them. If the only place it came up was at interview, it's not going to be at the top of every SLT member's mind whether they noted it or not. They should of course have let you anyway, but as a first step I'd be discreetly mentioning it so there's no more forgetting or misunderstanding.

NiftyKoala · 04/03/2025 05:57

Fraaances · 04/03/2025 05:35

Yep… I would even ask your union rep to come and sit in on a meeting and explain to her why her demand is cruising for a lawsuit.

That's a very good idea. Even if you had no bathroom issues she would be in the wrong. The fact that you do makes very bad...for her.

verycloakanddaggers · 04/03/2025 06:00

I'd speak to the union. This person is completely out of order. Do not let yourself be bullied.

prettybluebell · 04/03/2025 06:02

That's ridiculous, everyone has the right to use the toilet. I also work in a school and I just tell my colleagues that I need to use the toilet and they do the same. But I don't work in the UK so we have the same rules for the kids, if they need to use the toilet they just tell us and go.

Brbreeze · 04/03/2025 06:04

Just to add, if you mentioned it at interview in the context of explaining a gap in your cv, don’t take for granted that they have logically understood that you require bathroom breaks due to the condition.

I would mention it again in the context that you need a bathroom break to be accommodated.

Bunnie007 · 04/03/2025 06:08

I would speak to your line manager and possibly ask to be referred to occupational health. I believe they will then put in a plan to make accommodations for you, then you have a something official to come back to should your toilet visits ever be questioned again. I am so surprised you were spoken to about this. I’m a teacher and have always gone to the toilet outside of my designated breaks if needed. I actually think this member of SLT sounds horrible. I wouldn’t trust them at all in the future if this is how they treat there colleagues!

MumsGoneToIceland · 04/03/2025 06:10

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 05:45

@endofthelinefinally the SLT took notes of my interview, would this count as a disclosure?
@autisticbookworm SLT were present for the interview and also the ones telling me off. My colleagues are unaware but always happy for me to go the toilet (I’m happy for them to go too, which they do!).

No that doesn’t count, they will have interviewed several people and notes from interview do not get extracted and translated into a contract/personal records . You must have filled out forms when you were recruited with personal details and that’s where there would usually be a section for declaring special needs/considerations. You need to inform the school of your needs and ask them to add it to your records and inform who you are working directly with of this.

KezzaMucklowe · 04/03/2025 06:11

I'm sorry you had this experience it's horrible.
Of course you should have toilet breaks the school are being totally unreasonable there.
Unfortunately your experience sounds so familiar to me.
I have fibroids and endometriosis. I was pulled up loads by various teachers and slt for going to the the toilet to change my pad / tampon - I use both.
Obviously sometimes I would have to go more than others.
Definitely speak to your union and remind slt about your health condition.

BlondiePortz · 04/03/2025 06:16

To me using a toilet is a basic right even if no medical needs, the only issue I would say could be a problem is would the children still need to have an adult present? To cover

If that is not an issue then just go when you need too

Comff · 04/03/2025 06:18

I have a similar situation and have an Occupational Health report stating that going to the toilet more regularly is a reasonable adjustment.

I’d remind her in the first instance and offer to be referred to OH if they need something formal in writing.

RosesAndHellebores · 04/03/2025 06:22

endofthelinefinally · 04/03/2025 05:32

Speak to your union rep. I would consider this to be discrimination on the grounds of disability.
Is your disclosure about your health condition written down anywhere and did you explain the consequences?
Aside from that, I think it is totally unreasonable to refuse toilet access to anyone in their work place. However, I know that schools are increasingly refusing students access to toilets and seem to be a law unto themselves.

Just have a word with your line manager and request them to confirm to the SLT member that you need an accommodation/reasonable adjustment for this. Was it declared on your starter paperwork as a need/disability? The interview notes won't necessarily join up or be remembered.

There is no need to go in all guns blazing and involve the union at this stage.

Original poster
Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 06:23

@prettybluebell i know I didn’t think going to the toilet would be an issue. I wouldn’t have taken the job if I’d known tbh.
@verycloakanddaggers I’ve just looked up my union rep and it turns out I know her from outside work so I’ll text her (at a more social hour).

OP posts:
Playingpairs · 04/03/2025 06:24

Wrong thread

MrsMurphyIWish · 04/03/2025 06:26

BlondiePortz · 04/03/2025 06:16

To me using a toilet is a basic right even if no medical needs, the only issue I would say could be a problem is would the children still need to have an adult present? To cover

If that is not an issue then just go when you need too

It should do but as a teacher we can not leave classes unattended and then we’ll have duty, so for instance one day this week I’ll have before school duty and go straight to P1 and then P2. I’ll go to the toilet at 8.15 and go again at 11. Maybe different in primary where there is another staff member in room to cover.

OP, speak to the SLT members in charge of well-being. They will direct you to OH and therefore can ensure you have special arrangements made (I have a disability so this happened to me). In the mean time they will still put these access arrangements in place. You need to speak up. Schools are such busy places - people forget! Try not to worry.

Original poster
Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 06:28

@MrsMurphyIWish no one was left unattended and I would never ever do that. There were actually a higher than normal staff to pupil ratio yesterday.

OP posts:
Pluvia · 04/03/2025 06:31

You mentioned your illness and surgery in the interview as the reason for the gap in your CV, but did you make it clear that as a result of the surgery you may sometimes require more trips to the toilet than is perhaps normal? If not, you missed a step — you went from telling them you'd got a gap in your CV to assuming that they'd know that that would mean they understood you need the loo more frequently.

If that's accurate, you need to have a word with SLT, your union rep and any others who need to know and tell them that you're disabled by the condition and need accommodations to enable you to work. If, having made the situation clear, someone does it again then you take your union rep to a meeting and scare the bejaysus out of them.

A passing thought: you say you're an assistant. Are you lunch assistant or a TA?

Twiglets1 · 04/03/2025 06:33

That's awful. I worked as a TA in a secondary school for years and always used to use the loo between lessons whenever I wanted to without ever being challenged - as did all the other TAs. I guess it's slightly different with primary as the kids need more supervision but still ... it's completely unreasonable not to allow you to use the loo.

I would start by reminding the SLT member that you have a medical condition that was disclosed at interview. And also get some guidance from the union rep.

MrsMurphyIWish · 04/03/2025 06:36

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 06:28

@MrsMurphyIWish no one was left unattended and I would never ever do that. There were actually a higher than normal staff to pupil ratio yesterday.

I would still speak to SLT to have a referral to OH. You may need other access arrangements made.