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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the toilet at work?

156 replies

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 05:23

Recently started working in a school as an assistant. I’ve had part of bowel removed and disclosed this in my interview as I have a gap in my CV. I was pulled up on going to the toilet yesterday by the SLT, there were enough staff looking after the kids and I had asked another staff member. She said she expects me to go straight from one task to another (I.e looking after them inside to outside).
Should I remind her that I have a re-sected bowel? Or just wear a pad? I’m really embarrassed about my bowels and it’s something I haven’t even spoken to my family about. I go to a public toilet before work and generally only go once in work.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 04/03/2025 12:47

KittenPause · 04/03/2025 10:03

Yes they can in a school

And they do

Show quote history

You are wrong Kitten. That would be illegal to stop staff accessing a toilet especially if has a disability. I worked as a teacher for over 20 years in several schools and it doesn't happen. Students sometimes are made to wait until end of lesson, which i.also don't agree with.

MolluscMonday · 04/03/2025 12:53

Just ask to speak to them or send an email and explain. It really doesn’t need to be unionised at this point! If they won’t make a reasonable adjustment once they’re properly aware, that’s different.

ilovesooty · 04/03/2025 12:55

caringcarer · 04/03/2025 12:47

You are wrong Kitten. That would be illegal to stop staff accessing a toilet especially if has a disability. I worked as a teacher for over 20 years in several schools and it doesn't happen. Students sometimes are made to wait until end of lesson, which i.also don't agree with.

Show quote history

She's not wrong. It happens. I spent over 20 years teaching too.

FuckityFux · 04/03/2025 12:56

@KittenPause
You have to be completely open and honest about your condition and all the varying factors it can present in varying situations.

There is no legal requirement to disclose any personal medical information at all, and if an employer or other employee/colleague forced the issue, they’d be on very sticky ground indeed.

Working in a school doesn’t make them a special case!

Willwetalk · 04/03/2025 13:00

ilovesooty · 04/03/2025 11:35

Obviously medical conditions require reasonable adjustments but teachers are generally not allowed to leave classes of pupils unattended.

Show quote history

Another adult is normally available.

faithspikebuffy · 04/03/2025 13:04

I have stage 4 bowel endo (waiting for surgery) and one of my adjustments is I may need the toilet more often

ilovesooty · 04/03/2025 13:05

Willwetalk · 04/03/2025 13:00

Another adult is normally available.

Show quote history

There wasn't another adult nearby in the school I taught in. And budget cuts make it increasingly unlikely that there are spare adults floating around.

Macaroni46 · 04/03/2025 13:44

@Willwetalk
No, another adult is not usually available, as I explained in my post.
Even when teaching year 1, I was often the only adult in the classroom and if the class next door had gone to PE etc, I would literally be the only adult in the block.

Original poster
Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 14:10

Just to make this clear, I DID NOT leave children unsupervised. There were no children present and I have harmed no one by going to the toilet.
I was tidying up and was due to go and supervise playtime. As stated previously I knew that the playground was more than adequately supervised. I went to the toilet before I went out as I’m unable to get back into the building as I have no key or fob.

OP posts:
TheAmusedQuail · 04/03/2025 14:16

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 14:10

Just to make this clear, I DID NOT leave children unsupervised. There were no children present and I have harmed no one by going to the toilet.
I was tidying up and was due to go and supervise playtime. As stated previously I knew that the playground was more than adequately supervised. I went to the toilet before I went out as I’m unable to get back into the building as I have no key or fob.

I saw that you'd said this. Plenty of others not RTFT.

KittenPause · 04/03/2025 14:35

Communication is key

KittenPause · 04/03/2025 14:35

Clarity is key

KittenPause · 04/03/2025 14:36

All the facts are key

Overthebow · 04/03/2025 14:43

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 06:56

Without being too gross I only have a bowel movement once a day so I read the legalisation and didn’t think I fitted into it as it that’s not really unusual.
I do have a radar key but no card.
I only go at work before I go out as the building is locked and I have to get another member of staff to let me in (I’m not allowed keys/fob) and we’re often dealing with playground incidents so I thought it better to go before I go out.

What’s the actual problem they have with you going? If you only have a bowel movement once a day then I don’t see the issue? Is it that they think you should have waited for your break time to go?

ilovesooty · 04/03/2025 14:46

TheAmusedQuail · 04/03/2025 14:16

I saw that you'd said this. Plenty of others not RTFT.

Show quote history

I know she's said this. I have RTFT. I'm disputing the assertion of some other posters that teachers can go to the toilet when they want to.

Original poster
Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 14:49

Overthebow · 04/03/2025 14:43

What’s the actual problem they have with you going? If you only have a bowel movement once a day then I don’t see the issue? Is it that they think you should have waited for your break time to go?

Show quote history

I don’t know what the problem is to be honest. I should have stopped and asked but there was another member of staff there and I didn’t want to have a conversation in front of them. She said she couldn’t find me so I guess it was because of that. She didn’t follow up on why she was looking for me. I think I was just taken aback by it all, and of course you always think of what to say afterwards!

OP posts:
Feelingleftoutagain · 04/03/2025 15:23

This does sound so familiar, by any chance is she a Scottish?

Original poster
Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 15:47

Feelingleftoutagain · 04/03/2025 15:23

This does sound so familiar, by any chance is she a Scottish?

Not noticeably. I’ve not spoken to her that much though!!

OP posts:
Feelingleftoutagain · 04/03/2025 15:51

I knew a place where one member of SLT would watch people from hiding spots to make sure they were working correctly. If she couldn't find you she would go looking for you. She also had a rule of no toilets unless on your break. If it's the place I think it might be, I would leave as she really was a nasty piece of work.

Girasole02 · 04/03/2025 16:29

Feelingleftoutagain · 04/03/2025 15:51

I knew a place where one member of SLT would watch people from hiding spots to make sure they were working correctly. If she couldn't find you she would go looking for you. She also had a rule of no toilets unless on your break. If it's the place I think it might be, I would leave as she really was a nasty piece of work.

Sounds exactly like my ex line manager. She 'banned' all TAs from using the staffroom too. 'Ex' for a reason.

Feelingleftoutagain · 04/03/2025 17:07

I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the same place, there was even a rule that teachers wasn't suppose allowed to talk to TAs socially!

Bbq1 · 04/03/2025 17:26

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 05:23

Recently started working in a school as an assistant. I’ve had part of bowel removed and disclosed this in my interview as I have a gap in my CV. I was pulled up on going to the toilet yesterday by the SLT, there were enough staff looking after the kids and I had asked another staff member. She said she expects me to go straight from one task to another (I.e looking after them inside to outside).
Should I remind her that I have a re-sected bowel? Or just wear a pad? I’m really embarrassed about my bowels and it’s something I haven’t even spoken to my family about. I go to a public toilet before work and generally only go once in work.

I have the exact same issue, Op in the same job and I regularly remind slt and colleagues if neccesary. Everytime I am assigned to a new class/staff, I always say, "I have a few issues so if I suddenly leave the classroom, I'm just going to the toilet. I am not ashamed, it's not my fault i have a resected bowel, as it is not yours. Tbf, everybody in my workplace is able to use the toilet when neccesary. Nobody has ever challenged me on my use.

CleaningAngel · 05/03/2025 18:09

Bornnotbourne · 04/03/2025 05:23

Recently started working in a school as an assistant. I’ve had part of bowel removed and disclosed this in my interview as I have a gap in my CV. I was pulled up on going to the toilet yesterday by the SLT, there were enough staff looking after the kids and I had asked another staff member. She said she expects me to go straight from one task to another (I.e looking after them inside to outside).
Should I remind her that I have a re-sected bowel? Or just wear a pad? I’m really embarrassed about my bowels and it’s something I haven’t even spoken to my family about. I go to a public toilet before work and generally only go once in work.

Ffs, even if you hadn't got bowel issues, why are u not allowed to go to the toilet ? Absolutely ridiculous, seems like bullying to me.
Do they stop the children from.using the toilet

Justontherightsideofnormal · 05/03/2025 18:28

I don’t quite have any words, we are not robots where we can switch off our toilet needs. I work in a sen school. I have been going through a health condition for the last 5 years where I flood (blood) with no warning. I periodically keep count how often I need to go to the toilet ……. The other week I went 10 times between 9am and 12. I am under gynaecology, had multiple treatments but unfortunately still an issue. I have never been pulled up on this. (I do share my issue on a need to know basis). I’d seek advice, you cannot be discriminated against for needing the toilet.

Piscesmom22 · 05/03/2025 19:46

No you’re not being unreasonable at all !! As well as them discriminating against you on grounds of a disclosed disability, for heavens sake surely it’s a human right??
definitely go to the head and complain and talk about seeking union/legal advice.
Do not feel ashamed, you are in the right here and moreover you are not being defined by your disability, you are working just with the need of reasonable adjustments. Myself I would rather you be working with my child and being living proof that you define yourself and that you need to approach things differently and be resilient ❤️ I think the school needs to look at its own morals !!